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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend angry that I’m pregnant

86 replies

Hellotherebaby · 25/08/2021 21:27

I’m newly pregnant which I am very excited about. It is very early so I had only told a couple of people. Most were thrilled for me. I never thought I would become pregnant. When I told my friend of nearly 18 years she was…angry. She asked me why would I have a baby right now? I thought my friend would be happy for me. I’ve supported her through everything she has chose to do. She does not want children and is not maternal. I am so happy to be pregnant but this has really got me down and made me feel disgusted in my friend. It’s like everything I do has to be ok’d by her first!

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 25/08/2021 21:33

How early pregnant are you OP?

Are there circumstances why she’d be concerned about you having a baby right now?

DroopyClematis · 25/08/2021 21:34

Maybe she feels that she'll lose you , as a friend, as she might be feeling that you'll be going over to the other side.. as in a parent, and no longer a fellow childless person.

Tricky one.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 25/08/2021 21:35

Is she just selfish and still wants to go clubbing or whatever it is that you do with her????

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 21:35

Are there any reasons you can think of that she might be concerned?

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 21:35

Sorry crossposted SmidgenofaPigeon

Lottapianos · 25/08/2021 21:37

It's a tough one OP. I have been your friend. I think I did a good job of faking excitement but I was consumed with envy inside and was heartbroken. I understand that you're excited but she may not be able to join in the congratulations for reasons of her own at the moment

Original poster
Hellotherebaby · 25/08/2021 21:37

I am only 7 weeks. She does not like my husband. She has been very clear about that. I should have put this into the original post. They have different personalities and clash. She said that he won’t change but I don’t want him to change? I love him and he doesn’t need to change

OP posts:
ttcissoboring · 25/08/2021 21:39

@Lottapianos

It's a tough one OP. I have been your friend. I think I did a good job of faking excitement but I was consumed with envy inside and was heartbroken. I understand that you're excited but she may not be able to join in the congratulations for reasons of her own at the moment
I agree with this. She shouldn't show her anger but I understand why she's angry!

It's unpleasant and unkind but she's angry because she will lose you as a friend, even if it's temporary but everyone that has children I know (at least 20 women including family) changes after becoming a mum. It's sad for those you leave behind who are not mums to deal with.

Don't take it personally Thanks

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 25/08/2021 21:39

Are there any circumstances she is aware if that we aren't that may explain why she would see your being pregnant as a bad idea right now?

Are you very young?
Are you in an unstable relationship?
Are you in an unstable financial situation?

..........

Earthandstars · 25/08/2021 21:39

Maybe she’s does want children but there are reasons why she is unable to that she hasn’t shared with you, so she is upset at your news?

I had three friends who got very ‘off’ with me when I told them I was pregnant and two of them then cut me off completely. Sometimes you never truly know what is going on even with good friends.

Or, she could just be thinking that she’ll lose you as you’ll be focussed on your DC more than her etc.

heldinadream · 25/08/2021 21:40

Congratulations OP.

Do you know why she thinks your husband needs to change?

I think it's really hard when close friends don't like partners (rightly or wrongly).

Lottapianos · 25/08/2021 21:41

'everyone that has children I know (at least 20 women including family) changes after becoming a mum.'

Agree completely. And don't assume that she doesn't want children. Some people say that to hide their much more complex feelings about parenthood

Oogachuckachopsy · 25/08/2021 21:42

Are you her social drinking partner? Someone she can rely on to go out with? Is she jealous and cross she’s about to lose you to motherhood? What is it about your husband that she detests?

Original poster
Hellotherebaby · 25/08/2021 21:44

They clash on their fundamental opinions and over the years have just grown to not like each other which makes it very hard for me. I have been married for 8 years! But everytime I make a decision without consulting her first I get a response that I should be ready for but I’m always not. Shes condescending and makes me feel stupid. I know she doesn’t make children, she extremely vocal on that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellotherebaby · 25/08/2021 21:46

Yes we usually do most of our hanging out at the bars. We do enjoy a drink together. But I would still assume she would atleast give me a sincere congratulations

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 25/08/2021 21:47

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. If she is usually the dominant one, makes the decesions etc, then you’ve done something without her, and she doesn’t like it. She’s not used to you making decesions or doing something first. Maybe there is a touch of regret in there also, as although she said she doesn’t want children, maybe occasionally she regrets this stance.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Tulips15 · 25/08/2021 21:47

Tbh, Im not sure why you are friends with someone who has always made you feel bad or stupid.

Tulips15 · 25/08/2021 21:48

p.s Huge congratulations on your pregnancy

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 21:48

Sounds like it might be time to move on from this friendship. Unless you think she might be right and your partner isn't a good person

TartanJumper · 25/08/2021 21:48

Unless your friend has genuine concerns (domestic violence or addiction in your relationship for instance) then she is probably BU.
But without knowing her side, hard to say.
That said, it's your life, and your business.

Standrewsschool · 25/08/2021 21:49

I think if her friendship and opinions are making you feel down, then maybe it would be wise to distance yourself from her a little. Go and find some mother and bump groups, and make some new friends,

Mrgrinch · 25/08/2021 21:50

She doesn't sound like much of a friend.

scatteredglitter · 25/08/2021 21:52

She really sounds a bit self involved, what do you. Get from the friendship apart from the stress of keeping her and your dh apart ?

Strange that she s not able to congratulate her an feels she has some sort of power over you

Fupoffyagrasshole · 25/08/2021 21:52

Oh gawd I had a friend exactly like this!

Hates it when I got engaged, got really angry at the very thought of me even entertaining the idea of having a baby! Telling me constantly that I wasn’t ready etc

I cut ties with her 2 years ago and never looked back to be honest! I now have a baby and I don’t even know if she is aware!

It’s so toxic

I’d cut her off and move on with your life

Best of luck with it all and congrats

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/08/2021 21:53

What sort of differences does she and your husband have?

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