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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:

CoraPirbright · 25/08/2021 08:52

Good grief! I am very much a dog person and have two teens (so no child care grunt work) but even I would say no to a dog that wasn’t house trained!!

Think I would reply:
“Oh that’s a shame. Perhaps the dog sitter who let you down can suggest someone else they know?”

Original poster

Purplewishes · 25/08/2021 08:56

@diddl yeah that's why I feel a bit guilty about it, coz I could easily say we would take dog at ours OR I could walk the dog from hers and take on the extra stress but I would want to make that decision on my own not just coz I felt I had been backed into a corner. The football thing sold me as well. Apparently it's a big game so she can't possibly miss it.

@trickybiscuits she's 13.

Like the ideas of asking to be paid for it.... Could top my my SMP nicely

OP posts:

burritofan · 25/08/2021 08:59

She cannot leave the poor dog in the house with someone popping in a couple of times a day. The dog will be anxious and scared alone for that long. You will also end up cleaning up all the piss and shit
Not OP’s problem. Not OP’s fault. Not OP’s responsibility. Not OP’s emotional labour. And why on earth would she end up cleaning up the piss and shit? The owner of the dog can do that when they return from their poorly planned weekend away, and good luck to them.

LongTimeMammaBear · 25/08/2021 09:00

Dog was purchased after Circe and your h had. no input. Not his responsibility and therefore not your responsibility

Good pet owner does not get a dog unless they can afford one - both with tangible things (food, grooming, vet bills) PET CARE and intangible things such as training, love and support.

Not our problem EW is not a responsible pet owner

You have no obligation to this dog. No need to make any kind of excuse not to have the dog in your home. Period. No is a full sentence, a complete answer

Given that you have twin babies and a toddler, definitely no way. As a pet owner has responsibilities to care for their pet, a mother’s responsibility is much, muncher greater to safeguard their children. No way have a strange dog in your home with your babies and toddlers. The world is full of horror stories of children and babies being attacked. Your having been attacked as a child is testament enough.

Cannot believe anyone in here trying to guilt you into any kind of compromise

I have a dog (owned many through the years). I don’t hit final booking in any holiday until I have secured pet sitting. I use more than one source so there is a back up. The safety and care of my dog is important to me so as a dog owner, you make sure you’re dog care is sorted.

DancesWithTortoises · 25/08/2021 09:02

It gets worse - a football match?

Just to remind people OP has found out that the woman always planned for them to have the dog but lied to the OP about it.

diddl · 25/08/2021 09:08

If you could have the dog at yours & your step daughter would walk it or keep an eye on the other kids whilst you did that would be one thing.

Doesn't solve the problem of the dog needing a walk whilst she's not there though.

Or the problem of it not being house trained!

MotherofTerriers · 25/08/2021 09:09

I’d message back and say what a shame about your break but it’s a firm no from me. Surely the kennels or pet sitter who let you down can suggest somewhere?

Waspsarearseholes · 25/08/2021 09:13

@diddl

If you could have the dog at yours & your step daughter would walk it or keep an eye on the other kids whilst you did that would be one thing.

Doesn't solve the problem of the dog needing a walk whilst she's not there though.

Or the problem of it not being house trained!

OP doesn't like dogs. She was attacked by one as a child. She doesn't want the dog in her home, and that's excluding the fact she has babies and a toddler in the house. She's not taking the dog so suggesting scenarios where it might work is pointless. OP doesn't want to look after the dog, that's as far as it goes.

MeridianB · 25/08/2021 09:14

This is off-the-charts cheeky.

Even if she asked properly and even if you liked dogs and even if this one was house trained, it would STILL be super cheeky to expect you to manage a dog on top of newborn twins, a toddler and DSD.

The lack of house training makes this a massive health hazard for your littles ones. It’s incredible that a dog owner would think it’s fine to live like that.

Stay strong OP. This is definitely not your problem to fix!

TheMamaYo · 25/08/2021 09:16

If you do it once, they'll expect you to do it again and again. I love dogs, but a dog that messes in the house and yaps all day, is not one that I'll have around younger children. Before you know it they'll try to eat dog poop and walk the piss all over the house. Besides, she is SO rude trying to push it on to you. It'll be a lot of work for you. No is no, and her pushing would really piss me off.

diddl · 25/08/2021 09:19

"OP doesn't like dogs. She was attacked by one as a child. She doesn't want the dog in her home, and that's excluding the fact she has babies and a toddler in the house. She's not taking the dog so suggesting scenarios where it might work is pointless. OP doesn't want to look after the dog, that's as far as it goes."

I was replying to this from the Op-
"yeah that's why I feel a bit guilty about it, coz I could easily say we would take dog at ours OR I could walk the dog from hers"

It's just chatting!

Kiduknot · 25/08/2021 09:20

@MotherofTerriers

I’d message back and say what a shame about your break but it’s a firm no from me. Surely the kennels or pet sitter who let you down can suggest somewhere?

This

Kisskiss · 25/08/2021 09:20

Tell her you have your hands full with taking care of the kids, if she’s really stuck, you can hire a babysitter to help you out, it will cost her 80 quid a day for 2 days

LookItsMeAgain · 25/08/2021 09:20

I'd reply "Oh, that's a shame. Have you tried contacting any of the kennels that are nearby. They may be able to take the dog or recommend a walker/sitter. We can't look after the dog for you though, it's just not possible."

DoubleEx · 25/08/2021 09:21

CF indeed!

She asked, you said no. Whatever happens now is not your problem.

TallulahBetty · 25/08/2021 09:21

This is what boarding kennels are for.

glitterelf · 25/08/2021 09:24

Not a chance would I help her out she's a right CF.

Waspsarearseholes · 25/08/2021 09:27

Thinking about it further, I think what would piss me off more than the CFery is the disrespect she's showing you. A sort of, 'fuck her, she can look after the dog and I don't even have to ask'. I'd definitely see her in a very different light after this.

Waspsarearseholes · 25/08/2021 09:28

@diddl

I was replying to this from the Op-
"yeah that's why I feel a bit guilty about it, coz I could easily say we would take dog at ours OR I could walk the dog from hers"

It's just chatting!

My apologies. I should have realised that and didn't. I'm sorry

BlueMongoose · 25/08/2021 09:32

There's something wrong when a dog isn't house trained, unless it's ill in some way. And if you have a pet that isn't house trained, you ought not ask for it to be taken into anyone else's home. You have to make sure they know about the problem, and wait until they offer to have the dog if they want to. You don't put them in a difficult position by asking. And you certainly don't try to lie your way into it- what an example to set to your kids that is.....

I have a friend with a dog that 'leaks' a bit due to a medical condition. I'd be more than happy for the dog to come to the house because we could easily keep the dog with us in one of the rooms with a hard floor that can be wiped, I don't mind doing that at all and have said so, but even then my friend tends not to bring the dog.

Balonzette · 25/08/2021 09:32

I have a dog, one toddler and one baby and IT CAN BE SO HARD. And that's in my situation, where the dog is housetrained, toddler and baby have known him their whole life, and I'm a dog person.

If the dog wasn't housetrained, the toddler and baby hadn't known the dog their whole lives, and I had one extra baby, and I wasn't a dog person, there is literally no way on earth I'd ever consider it. No way. No WAY.

It will be a nightmare OP. Sounds like the dog will be peeing and pooing where babies need to crawl/toddle. Toddler and babies will likely be either obsessed with the dog or terrified by dog, either way will be exhausting and demand all your attention. Walking the dog will be a nightmare - a double pram, a toddler and a dog lead? Picking up dog poo in a plastic bag while pushing a pram and holding a toddler's hand is a nightmare and what if there's not a bin close!

Stand your ground or you'll regret it.

Dog can go to a kennel.

steppemum · 25/08/2021 09:32

wow CF at its best (or shoudl that be at its worst )

I think that it might be time to give a more serious reply, along the lones of:

I will never have a dog in the house, having been attacked as a child. please do not think that it will ever be a possibility for you to leave the dog here.

I suspect that your DSD may have given her the impression that she would be able to take the dog to her dads, that you just needed 'persuading' Time to be clear this is not going to ever happen.

Enough4me · 25/08/2021 09:36

I'm sure she'd know from conversations with her DD that you aren't a dog person.
She thinks she can manipulate you. If you now take the dog, she's right and will likely try more CFery in the future. Next time it will be a week/fortnight...well you agreed last time.

KatherineSiena · 25/08/2021 09:38

Aside from all your other problems why on earth can’t your children do some chores and look after the pets? If they aren’t they certainly should be at their ages.

KatherineSiena · 25/08/2021 09:39

Ignore me, wrong thread.

Although you’re not in the wrong and your DSC’s mum is definitely a CF!

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