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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
bigbaggyeyes · 25/08/2021 08:19

'Such a shame about the holiday, maybe you can claim money back via your insurance or back from the kennels/doggy care' you originally booked through'

Or

'Lots of kennels local to you I'm sure. Have you tried www.barkingmad.co.uk'

Immunetypegoblin · 25/08/2021 08:20

Paraphrasing an earlier poster:

Twin babies, toddler & an untrained yappy dog shitting everywhere? No thank you!!

Please send her the above message Grin

IamnotSethRogan · 25/08/2021 08:20

When I go away I put my dog in a kennel. That's just part of the expense of having one.

Wtf is it with people who think their choice to get a dog is somehow everyone else's problem ?

AdventuresDownRabbitholes · 25/08/2021 08:21

Ha, that's CFery. My DF normally looks after my dog - they adore each other - and I still phone to check he's available if I need him to look after the dog. I'd never just try and dump him on someone who doesn't much like dogs (DM, for instance)

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 08:21

I did however get the following message
"Oh ok. I don't see the big deal about having the dog. If not I'm not sure what we will do we might have to cancel and will lose all the money"

Wow, just wow. Why would you care that she'd lose all her money. You don't owe her a holiday. What a sense of entitlement

Whatinthelord · 25/08/2021 08:22

[quote Purplewishes]@chickpeaCrunch the dog was bought after they split up so DH has never had anything to do with the dog[/quote]
Totally fair enough for you or DH to have nothing to do with it then,

Does She usually ask you for favours. Seems to be overstepping the boundaries a fair bit. Are you normally helpful to her in others ways?

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 08:22

Bold fail sorry.

I'd be tempted to message back that that isn't your problem but I know these things are more complicated than that.

Kisskiss · 25/08/2021 08:22

Goodness. I have a dog and would never dream of assuming someone would take care of her whenever I want. This woman is a massive CF.
Just keep saying No, no need to justify who bought the dog, how busy you are etc. There’s lots of dog boarding options, she just doesn’t want to pay. Kennels can be booked last minute, rover.com will also have loads of cheaper options . She should really get busy looking instead of wasting her time trying to guilt you into it.

Kisskiss · 25/08/2021 08:23

Ps, definitely don’t take the dog , because she will just assume you are doggycare for all her future holidays

Original poster
Purplewishes · 25/08/2021 08:23

@diddl we are in walking distance to DSD school to get to her mum's it's about 15/20 Min depending on traffic. DH leaves at 6.30 most mornings so would be me who would take DSD to walk the dog and my mornings are manic enough without throwing in a morning detour. This a pp said I was already up to my tits with it all. I can confirm this is accurate. Imagine the hunger games, that's my usual mornings Grin

DSD did say she would go home and walk dog after school but then still leaves dog in house all day alone

OP posts:
ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 08:23

If you ask someone for a favour you don't then try and guilt trip them when they say no!

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 08:24

The only thing that would be remotely acceptable to me would be if she paid you market rate or more for looking after the dog. And that's only if you wanted to!

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 08:25

And payment in advance

SizeEleven · 25/08/2021 08:25

Maybe say. "100% the dog cannot come here. Sorry. The only way we could help out would be with the 2 x a day visits. That would mean DH not being able to work for 3 days. So if you are happy to pay us the £££ in lost income we could probably sort it. Though I am guessing you may want to find a cheaper option?"

icelollycraving · 25/08/2021 08:26

Nope, not a chance I’d accommodate this. Simply because she thought you’d just do it, that would really fuck me off.

diddl · 25/08/2021 08:28

Ah that's not workable then.

I'm torn between thinking that it's not up to you or your husband at all and it would be nice if he did it for his daughter's sake.

But then if she's not willing to give up a Saturday football then why should anyone else be making an effort?

Yes I know she's a kid & it ultimately all lies with her Mum, but I'd be hoping for a bit of a show of responsibility if the dog was got on the premise of her helping out.

Still, it's not doable & that's that!

TrickyBiscuits · 25/08/2021 08:31

How old is DSD? Sorry if you’ve said and I’ve missed it.

You’re right to say no in any case, but some of your annoyance pivots on her apparent lying. It would be a pity if DSD had got it wrong and it was a genuine plan fail. Especially as you usually get on well. My DS is 9 and has a very funny interpretation of things sometimes!

To be fair though, there’s no way in hell I’d have a guest dog around in your circumstances so you’re not wrong to say no anyway!

muddyford · 25/08/2021 08:32

This is what boarding kennels are for!

Knittingupastorm · 25/08/2021 08:33

@gogohm

To be honest, if it's dsds dog then I would start to realise that it may come with her, it's not fair on the dog to be left (whether she should have bought a dog is a different matter!) we've ended up up with dp's DD's cat because her mum said it had to go - I'm allergic to cats but I couldn't break her heart and send it to rehoming. Not ideal but you do these things for the kids not their parents
You’ve ended up with a pet you’re allergic to because your step daughter’s mother (who presumably agreed to get the car in the first place) wouldn’t have it anymore???
Muchasgracias · 25/08/2021 08:34

Wow, I just would never entertain the idea of asking someone with twins and a toddler to look after my dog. If that was my only option I’d cancel the weekend away for another time.

DancesWithTortoises · 25/08/2021 08:37

If she pushes reply that she should have thought about where the dog would go when she booked the holiday, it isn't your responsibility.

I have a feeling she may bring it round and try to force the issue. Be prepared.

Oogachuckachopsy · 25/08/2021 08:42

What does she say when you point out you have baby twins and a toddler to deal with? I can’t believe she is even pushing it. Unbelievable.

The sad thing is, it will probably affect the fairly decent relationship you have managed to cultivate with her, which has massively benefited your SD.

HadEnoughOfBears · 25/08/2021 08:45

@StrangeToSee

Of course you don’t have to have the dog.

However I’d be tempted to take it then crate it in the garden (nice warm weather, anti bark muzzle) and do some intensive training while she’s away. Old school methods and strict obedience training, do you have a friend who trains working dogs or anything?

She’ll either have a trained dog when she returns or she’ll never ask you to dog sit again!

I hope you never have a dog 😡
MayorGoodwaysChicken · 25/08/2021 08:46

[quote Purplewishes]@orphlids I can confirm I did not take your comment seriously and no dogs will be out down on my watch

I did however get the following message
"Oh ok. I don't see the big deal about having the dog. If not I'm not sure what we will do we might have to cancel and will lose all the money"[/quote]
‘Having the dog for a few days might not be a big deal for someone who a) likes dogs b) has any experience looking after dogs and c) doesn’t have their hands totally full with a toddler and baby twins to look after. Unfortunately for you I do not fall into any of those categories so having the dog here is simply out of the question. I really hope DSD isn’t too disappointed and upset with you if the break has to be cancelled due to you not making any arrangements for the dog’.

supagrrrr · 25/08/2021 08:51

She cannot leave the poor dog in the house with someone popping in a couple of times a day. The dog will be anxious and scared alone for that long. You will also end up cleaning up all the piss and shit.