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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
Balonzette · 25/08/2021 09:43

Please tell us what you reply. I get so addicted to, and emotionally invested in, CF threads Grin to the extent where it will thoroughly ruin my week if you back down 😂

ChampagneKisses · 25/08/2021 09:44

Is the dog vaccinated? Lots of kennels require the kennel cough vaccine too which I think needs a two week wait before kennels will take them....

ChampagneKisses · 25/08/2021 09:46

@diddl

I was thinking of walking before & after school/work, not that your husband would be taking time off.

That maybe you could take her after school.

Obviously depends on how far apart the houses are.

Shame she can't get herself there.

But not being willing to give up her football, I wouldn't be at all impressed with.

Doesn't sound as if any of them really want the dog-not enough to put the work in.

But why should op have to deal with cleaning up all the mess that the none housetrained dog would leave? Plus it's incredibly unfair to leave a young dog on its own for that long anyway
Geriatric1234 · 25/08/2021 09:49

Loving how you’re handling this OP.

Does she know you’re dog-phobic???

I have dogs and volunteer with a dog rescue. Finding reasonably priced dog care - including non-kennel care but rather in-home boarding (nicer for doggo) - isn’t that difficult. She’s fully being a CF-er.

Send her this link to Rover for local, last-minute care (if you want to!!!): www.rover.com/uk/

Stay strong!!

Howshouldibehave · 25/08/2021 09:49

If I was on maternity leave with twins and already had a toddler, I would bloody explode if someone suggested I would be happy to do this as well!

Toothmouse · 25/08/2021 09:54

@KatherineSiena

Aside from all your other problems why on earth can’t your children do some chores and look after the pets? If they aren’t they certainly should be at their ages.
Mat leave with twins…that means they are less than 12 months old. Get twin babies and a toddler to look after a non-housetrained dog - yea right Hmm
scarybiscuit · 25/08/2021 09:54

hello, i am a dog lover, cat lover and pet lover...but i would nver inflict my pets on anyone else! please do no look after this ladies pet its her look out she didnt book kennels etc sorry it's tough luck. I know you DSD will be upset but you have enough on your hands with your little ones. I would be concerned a yappy dog could perhaps nip some of the younger family members Stand by your guns.
perhaps she has a friend or parents that could look after the dog.

I would say to her with my best bossy voice
Sorry no this is too much for me at this time i will not clear up dog mess and not respond further good luck

Spidey66 · 25/08/2021 09:55

I'm a dog owner/lover but Io think that she's a CF.

You don't like dogs, you've got twin babies and DSD will be at school leaving you to look after it.

She either needs to get proper care, or do what we do and book into a dog friendly hotel (there are loads, we do it all the time) and take the dog with them.

Ponoka7 · 25/08/2021 09:56

I doubt that she will cancel. If it comes to the case of her going and messaging DSD that the dog is in the house. Try not to take it out on DSD, your DH too. It sounds as though he's made DSD privy to arguments in the past and it isn't good enough.

Boonlark · 25/08/2021 09:58

If she goes anyway and leaves the dog, then phone the rspca, and let them know.

LittleMysSister · 25/08/2021 09:58

Na, she's unbelievable! I would absolutely not agree to do any of this at all.

She must have friends, colleagues, SD's friends' families etc who she could have asked, but she just hasn't bothered and expected you'd just accept it.

I love dogs but even I wouldn't do this, with a toddler and baby twins to look after. Tbh I wouldn't do it anyway given how it has been approached. It's not your problem if she has to cancel her weekend, for all she knows you or one of your kids could be severely allergic to dog hair or something, she had no right to think you would do it.

Please stick to your guns on this.

DishingOutDone · 25/08/2021 10:09

This is not CF, this is just plain selfish.

cookingisoverrated · 25/08/2021 10:13

I'd reemphasize it's a firm no from you.

Why the fuck would you want a yappy, non-housetrained dog in your home that pees and shits everywhere because they couldn't be arsed to train it properly? You're already dealing with baby twins, a toddler, and doing the heavy lifting with your DSD as well it sounds. Taking on their dog so her dog training failure mother can have a holiday isn't your problem to sort.

Tell her to board the dog or find a dog service. You're not it. Hard no.

Outbutnotoutout · 25/08/2021 10:15

CF

We just had to miss out on a two day festival booked pre covid and before we got a dog as we couldn't find a sitter...but thems the breaks.

She got the dog knowing her weekend commitment and should have sourced a sitter from the off.

If you do it one time, that will be it, every single time she needs to do anything you will have the dog....

TeeBee · 25/08/2021 10:15

I'd reply 'yeah, all this faff is exactly why I don't buy a dog. Good luck with finding somewhere. Maybe ask your friends for dog sitter recommendations'.

fuckitbucket16 · 25/08/2021 10:16

Shamelessly placemarking because I bet dsd turns up with the dog Grin

Howshouldibehave · 25/08/2021 10:17

@fuckitbucket16

Shamelessly placemarking because I bet dsd turns up with the dog Grin
Me too.
Doomscrolling · 25/08/2021 10:23

I must commend her on the level of CF-ery she’s achieved. That’s some high level brass neck!

Anordinarymum · 25/08/2021 10:27

As a responsible and loving owner of a dog, it is the dog I feel sorry for in this horrible scenario.
It didn't ask to be born
It didn't ask for a crap owner
It isn't asking to come to your bloody house either

diddl · 25/08/2021 10:35

"As a responsible and loving owner of a dog, it is the dog I feel sorry for in this horrible scenario."

That's what peole who can't be bothered to sort out dog sitters/walkers/kennels rely on isn't it?

InaccurateDream · 25/08/2021 10:38

No, no no no no. I'm not anti-dog, but I'm (mildly) allergic and as a result have no idea how to handle them. No way I'd have an unfamiliar dog in a house with babies and a toddler. No way.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 25/08/2021 10:43

Tbf the ddog has never met the op and doesn't know she gives zero fucks about it!!

FinallyHere · 25/08/2021 11:04

I agree that you need a plan for what to do when DSD turns up knowing that the dog is home alone and pleads with you to go and walk it.

Anyone who would pretend arrangements had fallen through would not be above ignoring your 'no way'.

I wonder whether your DH is quietly enjoying your first taste of just how unreasonable his ex can be.

Original poster
Purplewishes · 25/08/2021 11:07

Okay here we go. New level of cheeky fucker unlocked.

I replied just saying "hope you find somewhere / someone to have the dog"

She's just replied saying "all sorted now thanks, DSD is going to come home and take dog to..... Drumroll..... DH mum's (my MIL) so if you could pick DSD up from there later"

Off to text MIL and see how the fuck she has been roped into this.

OP posts:
Waspsarearseholes · 25/08/2021 11:11

Bloody hell. Does she honestly thing you've got nothing else to do?!