CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

[Purplewishes]

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

“DSD has a dog at her mum's...”
“DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog...”

I confess to feeling a small smidgen of sympathy for DSD’s mother - she obviously shares responsibility for her DD but has been left with sole responsibility for her DD’s dog. However inconvenient. At 13 DSD should be looking after it as much as possible.

Not that I’m excusing the manipulative nonsense about the weekend, though.

@Redshoeblueshoe

Brilliant idea. DH with twins, toddler his DD and dog 🐕

In fact you should go and stay in the same hotel as Ex

This is possibly the best idea I have ever seen on an AIBU thread. OMG. 🤣

Op, you are fabulous and I too have fallen in love with you a tad.

@whoIsPepeSilva it's 15 mins each way so half hour total travel time. I've said to DH at weekend he will have to stay and talk dog a big walk so it's not just in and out for 5mins. Also have just "reminded" him I'm getting my nails done on Saturday. Can't believe he forgot.

The whole thing is a bit of a shit show and although I don't like dogs I feel sorry for the yappy wee fucker. Genuinely feel like it's too late to back down and just tell them to bring the dog here

I'm not going to message the ex about it though as I honestly can't be arsed with the drama. I said I wasn't looking after dog or walking the dog and I won't be. It's now on DSD and DH (and the neighbour)

DH already bitching about the 6 trips back and forth on Saturday and Sunday. He's now trying to gently coax me I to helping so in turn I'm going to be a dick and fuck off out on Saturday and make him take the toddler and twins just for the banter

Actually, I would do exactly that first thing Saturday morning. Let him feel the pain and fully understand why you said NO. Since he thinks it's no biggie.

What a bitch the ex is. That poor dog.

You will need to explain calmly to your DSD, that when she is with you, if she makes plans she has to run them by you. That includes going back to walk her dog or not or meet up with her friends or not, especially if they have the potential to impact on her dad getting in late to work or whatever.
At this point you could even tell her that her mum asked you to look after the dog and you said no. She then asked her granny to look after the dog and she said no too. It wasn't up to DSD to try to fix a problem that her mum had created and by trying to fix the problem, the only one who is completely unaffected by it is DSD's mum who is probably thoroughly enjoying getting her jollies (but don't say that last bit)

She has to understand that there is an impact to some things and her dad having to go out of his way to sort this out.
At least that's my impression and suggestion.

Imo you need to block her number... She can deal with her ex now. No reason you should be her GO TO anymore...

Thanks for clarifying, still a half hour round trip 2x per day plus a decent walk is a fair chunk of DSD's weekend really.

I was obsessed with horses at that age and would have gotten up at 5am to walk an hour to get to them no bother but I know my DN who is very similar to me would rather be out with her mates than looking after animals at that age.

Is your DSD keen like I was or is the DDog just something nice in her life that she doesn't really think much about?

Also loving you sticking to your guns! Will DH say anything to his ex do you think?

Jeez can't she just hire a local dog walker ffs 🤦‍♀️

Any maintenance could well be an informal arrangement Tiana4, if so legal basis wouldn't come into it.

[quote Purplewishes]@babyghirl "who let the dogs out".......

Well it certainly wasn't me coz am not doing it 🤣

Will update later one the gruesome twosome have passed out for the night[/quote]
I think this is being spiteful to your MIL who has been duped by the EX.
Surely you could pop by at lunch, have a coffee whilst let the dog out for a run in the garden and a play with the kids

Oh, are you Dogzilla, @HalzTangz? 🤔

The OP is afraid of dogs. This one isn't trained, and the kids are two babies and a toddler. So that's not a great plan halztangz.

@onlychildhamster

Does RSPCA even do anything though? I once read that a dog was left chained outside in the cold, and the RSPCA said it was fine because it had a kennel.

@onlychildhamster exactly. RSPCA will do dog all. We move had a neighbour leave the property permanently and left the dog in the garden (where it spent its entire life). Because I happened to say on the phone we had been feeding it they said it wasn't an emergency until we stopped feeding it 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ so did they expect us to leave the poor thing hungry? It was crying out all day. We had a friend who was a dog lover come take it and she kept. Also got a neighbour that has never in the years and years we've lived here walked there dogs. They live outside all year round. We've never reported them but know others who have. Have even seen them call round... any solutions... none at all. I'd not trust them to do a thing if she has a contingency plan with the DSD (however shite and cheeky that plan is). It'll only cause longer term troubles for nothing!

Yep - go out and leave him to it! Then next time he'll think twice when it impacts him!

"Call the RSPCA" is the new "Cancel the cheque"

@HalzTangz hey how's the first night of the holiday going? Ps. Still not walking your dog.

Surely you could pop by at lunch, have a coffee whilst let the dog out for a run in the garden and a play with the kids

Let an unknown dog play with two babies and a toddler? Well, I guess it's one way to get your children taken into care.

Well it would be easier for your husband & stepdaughter to have the dog at yours.

But not for you whilst you are looking after twins &a toddler!

I love the idea of going out & leavng husband to take twins & toddler with him to walk the dog.

And if he moans it was hard you can say "yes-and you had a 13yr old to at least hold the dog yet it was expected that I do it alone!"

@HalzTangz

You seem to have the same blindness as the ex when it comes to reading the words NO

Op doesn't like dogs
Has three under three
And said fucking no

You want to walk someone's dog so badly pm her for the address you pop round and walk it

I still think the CF has got one over on you all cos now your left with the babies and toddler while DH makes these endless trips back and forth. I've only the 1 baby and a toddler and I look forward to family time on a weekend and also the added help from DH. I'd be livid if he was out 3 x a day for I assume a minimum of an hour a time (30 mins travel, 30 mins walk) for the benefit of his bloody ex and a dog that you clearly said you wanted nothing to do with! Turned your entire weekend upside down!

What has happened about DSD's important football match on Saturday? I hope she will be able to fit that in still.

I would check DSD's bags each time she comes home this weekend. She might come up with a plan of hiding the dog in her bedroom.

Aww poor dog. If they haven't already can you get DSD or DH to pop back and put on a lamp and the TV/radio so the little mite has a bit of "company" over the weekend instead of silence :(

Honestly message saying this wasn't discussed with us and won't be happening. Collect dog by 12 or are age alt3nrtive care. Then call to rspca. Or arrange a kennel and deduct from maintenance.
Riddiculous also poor poor dog what a crap owner!
Have a big wine tonight too op

Don’t give in @Purplewishes

If you relent now there will be a next time. It will be a case of well it eventually work out when you were thrown in at the deep end and so you will end up with the dog whenever DSD is with you.