CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

[Purplewishes]

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

Total side-issue, but why the fuck has she not housetrained the dog?

Probably because she's a person who thinks its ok for a dog to be given 2 short walks in 24 hours and left to fend for itself the rest of the time.

Even if OP drives DSD over at weekend (DSD walking there after school thurs fri) it'll be once a day

It'll still be carnage when ex gets home ...

Sorry just to clarify the dog will be getting walked 3 times a day, DSD in morning, neighbour in afternoon and DSD at night. And then DSD will wall it 3 times on sat and Sunday. DH will be carting her back and forth on Saturday and Sunday coz to quote another MN classic it's not my circus

I didn't explain to ex why I don't like dogs, didn't feel I had to coz it's none of her business. All she needs to know is AM NOT WALKING THE FUCKING DOG.

DH already bitching about the 6 trips back and forth on Saturday and Sunday. He's now trying to gently coax me I to helping so in turn I'm going to be a dick and fuck off out on Saturday and make him take the toddler and twins just for the banter.

DH will be carting her back and forth on Saturday and Sunday coz to quote another MN classic it's not my circus that's up to him. You're doing well to stand your ground!

@Purplewishes

DSD is back here. What she agreed with her mum (and not us) is that tomorrow morning she will get a lift home before school and walk the dog and get school bus as normal. Neighbour has been roped into walking the dog at the weekend, and then DSD will go home after school tomorrow and walk it. Then DSD will go over sat and Sunday and walk it and again before school on Monday.

Obv I am taking fuck all to do with it so DH WILL be getting up early with DSD and taking her in the opposite direction from his work to drop her home tomorrow early bells before work and will be picking her up tomorrow on his way home from work.

I'm not going to text ex again as it's not my problem now ... As Mumsnet would say it's a DH problem now

Off to get a wine.

What an a-hole. She can’t leave a dog effectively alone all weekend, because she is too tight to pay for a boarder or kennel., it’s a live animal and it’s relying on her fir it’s care. Ffs. If I knew where this was I’d be calling the rspca

Bloody good for you.
You absolutely must stick to your guns on this.

And he can moan to his ex about it not you

@Purplewishes

Sorry just to clarify the dog will be getting walked 3 times a day, DSD in morning, neighbour in afternoon and DSD at night. And then DSD will wall it 3 times on sat and Sunday. DH will be carting her back and forth on Saturday and Sunday coz to quote another MN classic it's not my circus

I didn't explain to ex why I don't like dogs, didn't feel I had to coz it's none of her business. All she needs to know is AM NOT WALKING THE FUCKING DOG.

DH already bitching about the 6 trips back and forth on Saturday and Sunday. He's now trying to gently coax me I to helping so in turn I'm going to be a dick and fuck off out on Saturday and make him take the toddler and twins just for the banter.

I applaud you! Good on you for not backing down.

Brilliant idea. DH with twins, toddler his DD and dog 🐕

In fact you should go and stay in the same hotel as Ex

OP, you need to explain to DSD that she shouldn't have been given the responsibility because it was committing you or DH to transporting her. Make it very clear it is not to happen again. And if she agrees her mother will need to give her taxi money.

Although I'd still take it to the pound, frankly.

In fact you should go and stay in the same hotel as Ex

Crème de la crème of ideas.

I would 100% tell ex that you will not be giving DSD lifts back and forth to her house to look after the dog as you have not agreed to do this and are not willing to. Also that you feel manipulated. I would tell her to come back from her trip and look after her dog herself.

This is just not your problem to fix.

@Snog oh I can guarantee I absolutely will not be ferrying DSD back and forth to her mum's. I've told DSD and DH that

DSD said she agreed it with her mum but feel she might have been told that's what had to happen. Fuck knows. I honestly don't care anymore

@Redshoeblueshoe

Brilliant idea. DH with twins, toddler his DD and dog 🐕

In fact you should go and stay in the same hotel as Ex

YES

what a bitch using her dd like that

she knew you wouldnt say no

I think putting the dog into kennels and deducting the cost from child maintenance is frankly genius.

I do feel so sorry for the poor dog. At least if he had been at MILs he would have had company during the day. Totally know it's not your issue, but I'm hoping the neighbour or somebody will take pity on it and take it in.
It's likely to end up being surrendered with lifelong behavioural issues if this is how she routinely treats it.

Whilst I wholeheartedly applaud the OP for sticking to her guns, I feel very sorry for the dog. It is cruel to leave a pack animal on their own for more than a few hours. Whilst I appreciate someone will be walking the dog three times a day, the poor dog will be on it's own for many hours wondering what it has done to be abandoned like this.

There's been lots of talk about walking the poor thing, but what about feeding? What about letting it out before bed for toileting? What about entertainment? My two would go insane if left for one day let alone a long weekend. I seriously hope the selfish CF comes home to a completely wrecked house.

Perhaps, as the OP is the only one who knows where this is, she can report the abandoned dog to the RSPCA.

Am I right that it's half an hour to ex's house? By car? Because if so that's even worse if she's expecting her wee girl to walk that distance twice a day for walkies.

Poor poor poor dog.

@ThePluckOfTheCoward

I think putting the dog into kennels and deducting the cost from child maintenance is frankly genius.

But there is no legal grounds to do that

[quote Purplewishes]@Snog oh I can guarantee I absolutely will not be ferrying DSD back and forth to her mum's. I've told DSD and DH that

DSD said she agreed it with her mum but feel she might have been told that's what had to happen. Fuck knows. I honestly don't care anymore[/quote]
Quite right too

Or this will be a repeated issue and dog will suffer more in the end than a short sharp shock to ex when she returns to trashed house

The problem is, it’s not just picking the dog up and walking it, there’s the wee and poo to clean up. The house is going to stink.

Plus, leaving a dog on its own all weekend is highly unethical in my opinion.

@Purplewishes

Sorry just to clarify the dog will be getting walked 3 times a day, DSD in morning, neighbour in afternoon and DSD at night. And then DSD will wall it 3 times on sat and Sunday. DH will be carting her back and forth on Saturday and Sunday coz to quote another MN classic it's not my circus

I didn't explain to ex why I don't like dogs, didn't feel I had to coz it's none of her business. All she needs to know is AM NOT WALKING THE FUCKING DOG.

DH already bitching about the 6 trips back and forth on Saturday and Sunday. He's now trying to gently coax me I to helping so in turn I'm going to be a dick and fuck off out on Saturday and make him take the toddler and twins just for the banter.

Nope no and no

If DH wants to do this, it's up to him

If he doesn't then ... Meh

A 13 year old cannot get into a contractual arrangement nor can it be something the mum requires of the NRP dad to do so. I wouldn't be entertaining any of this and if ex gets funny or cross with DSD , I suspect DSD will tell school teacher.

It really isn't on snd you have no reason to cover for his ex when you told her no repeatedly

Stay out of it.

DH already bitching about the 6 trips back and forth on Saturday and Sunday.

• but it's not you he should be bitching to, is it? Is he going to speak to the ex about this?

Oh sorry didn't take in all your post.
Yup, DH can have toddler and twin babies too. You are quite right to go out and let it all play out. Or it will happen again as Cf knows she can force you to do this by manipulation or to lose all your support for that weekend with three under 3 whilst you also have 4th child DSD.

Loving your resolve. You have to stick to it