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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/08/2021 18:23

Don't just not text ex block her. I'm staggered on your behalf and the dogs. Walks isn't the same as care. The poor animal

frazzledasarock · 26/08/2021 18:23

Love you for refusing to be dragged into it!

DSD will not manage it, is she at thirteen going to wake up at larks fart to go walk her dog?

If she does I admire her, couldn’t get my lot up early before school, they’d appear at exactly the time needed to make it to school on time!

MotherofTerriers · 26/08/2021 18:24

The poor dog. No wonder it poos in the house. Dogs are pack animals, it won't like being alone and won't understand why it has been left. She really shouldn't own a dog if she can't take better care of it than this

MissUhuragotolder · 26/08/2021 18:26

@CrazyCatStory

That poor dog. What sort of normal person thinks leaving a dog on its own for a whole weekend, with maybe a brief walk or two a day is acceptable? You must be fuming. Liking the idea of your dh moving in to her house with dsd over the weekend so it isn’t all alone. Doubt she’d pull this again if he did.
What sort of person leaves a dog on their own for 4 days to go away for a long weekend expecting a minor child aged 13 to walk to the house to feed and water it once a day?

A person who will return home to have chewed furniture, dog pee and poop all over their house. A foolish and cruel choice that DH's ex had made.

I wouldn't get involved, rapa won't be interested if dig has someone visiting once a day to feee and water dog. Dsd won't be able to clean up after dog and shouldn't really try. I think this is a horrid decision DHs ex made and one she will regret as damage done to her house will far exceed the cost of a dig sitter or kennel.

I'd stay out of it OP, leave it all to play out. I would text the ex of DH to say "we told you repeatedly no, we are unable to look after dog and never once agreed. Nor did MIL who told you no too. DSD is staying with us as a minor child. So, think you should make arrangements as DSD said you just left dog Shock. I will read that as you have made other arrangements and will be returning home early. Dog is your responsibility not a child's."

MaggieFS · 26/08/2021 18:27

I think you've done the sensible thing BUT I would absolutely be all for your DH driving the dog to her hotel and leaving it at reception for her rather than driving DSD to walk it Grin

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/08/2021 18:27

Well not only is DSD's mum a CF, she's incredibly stupid short-sighted as well.

For nine years you have been working with her for the benefit of DSD, and now - she has thrown it all away because she was too tight-fisted to arrange kennels whilst she was on holiday. £150 or so. That's how little the goodwill built so far is worth to her. Considerably less that £150Sad.

Total side-issue, but why the fuck has she not housetrained the dog? Apart from having dogshit and dogpiss in your house, it makes everyone extremely reluctant to take your dog in to their house. Short-sighted. Really, really short-sighted.

HaveringWavering · 26/08/2021 18:30

Did anyone ask her at any point outright whey she was not paying for kennels or a dog sitter?

honeygriff · 26/08/2021 18:31

Not your circus not your small annoying dog!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 26/08/2021 18:31

That poor dog.
I assume she's thinking that she's now forced you to step in because she's gone anyway.

That dog is going to make one hell of a mess and be bloody frightened and lonely. Poor thing. She's behaved horribly.

I do think it's likely she's absolutely convinced you'll take the dog back with you now it's going to be left alone.

RookieRoo · 26/08/2021 18:32

That poor dog. My heart goes out to it, it's about to have a hell of a weekend. I know how my dog would feel, so I can only imagine this one.

I, too, considered suggesting a trip to the hotel with the dog, but wasn't sure how far it would be.

The ex is an evil bitch and I wouldn't be able to look her in the eyes again, knowing how she treated a poor animal.

DancesWithTortoises · 26/08/2021 18:33

Maybe DH should pay for kennels and deduct it from her child support.

onlychildhamster · 26/08/2021 18:33

What kind of house does the dog live in. Surely it would bark the place down?

toothpicklover · 26/08/2021 18:33

You can’t leave a dog on its own for 4 days!! I’d be reporting her to the RSPCA!!

MissUhuragotolder · 26/08/2021 18:34

@WhereYouLeftIt

Well not only is DSD's mum a CF, she's incredibly stupid short-sighted as well.

For nine years you have been working with her for the benefit of DSD, and now - she has thrown it all away because she was too tight-fisted to arrange kennels whilst she was on holiday. £150 or so. That's how little the goodwill built so far is worth to her. Considerably less that £150Sad.

Total side-issue, but why the fuck has she not housetrained the dog? Apart from having dogshit and dogpiss in your house, it makes everyone extremely reluctant to take your dog in to their house. Short-sighted. Really, really short-sighted.

It doesn't sound like dog isn't housetrained, it sounds like ex of DH's doesn't arrange for dog to be walked or let out sometimes so that's why pop and wee inside . Dogs can only cross their little lefties for so long! Usually a dog is let out 4 times a day at least for nature's call.

Meh with once a day DH's ex will get natural consequences and OP is right to take stance she has. If DH wants to go stay at his ex's house that's his call. Or he just also say it's ex's decision and she made a bad one. Do not let dog come to your house ... you've twin babies and a toddler and also a dog phobia and we're clear all along you are in able to help.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 26/08/2021 18:35

Been following this but not commented until now. I am gobsmacked! She has in effect left the dog in your care because DSD is reliant on your family to transport her over to walk the dog or if anything happens.
All well and good if there are no emergencies at yours but if there were ( heaven forbid) you would not be adding a dog to the mix. Suppose DSG sprains her ankle or something , then what? Or just gets ill?
Time to call the dog handler I feel.

LannieDuck · 26/08/2021 18:36

[quote Purplewishes]@lannieduck no I added the caps for the dramatic effect (obv failed) lol[/quote]
That's good ;) It's just that the message sounded like the DSD was trying to make you feel bad about it. Glad she wasn't.

MissUhuragotolder · 26/08/2021 18:36

Pop= poop
Lefties = leggies
Grin

Immunetypegoblin · 26/08/2021 18:36

Does your DSD know you have a phobia of dogs? I think you and your DH need to clearly be on the same page for when he takes her over there tomorrow and dog is obviously sad to see her go. Something like "Yes, it's such a shame your mum didn't organise something in advance with someone who is happy and prepared to look after a dog. What a shame she landed it on OP, who is scared of dogs and also has no time to look after on, at the last minute without warning. What. A. Shame."

Otherwise you run the risk of DSD drinking the koolaid and thinking you're a right bitch Sad

Immunetypegoblin · 26/08/2021 18:37

@DancesWithTortoises

Maybe DH should pay for kennels and deduct it from her child support.
Actually I think this is a great idea - it will stop her doing it again....
Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 26/08/2021 18:38

That poor little fella. He’s essentially being left home alone all weekend. He’ll be so confused.

I’m OUTRAGED for you, for DSD and for that poor dog. What a NASTY woman. She doesn’t deserve to have him.

Who the fuck is going to feed him or let him out for a night time wee? Who is going to clean the shit and piss up off the kitchen floor? Outrageous behaviour. I would ring the RSPCA OP.

Say you’re a concerned neighbour and think the dog has been left in the house alone all weekend without food. Give them her mobile number.

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 26/08/2021 18:40

More to the pony get your DH to ring her and ask wtf she is playing at. I can’t tell from your posts how old DSD is - clearly not fucking old enough to be left in charge of an animal. What’s the plan if she loses the dog? Is the neighbour going to help her?

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 26/08/2021 18:40

Point* not pony ffs

MaggieFS · 26/08/2021 18:40

@HaveringWavering

Did anyone ask her at any point outright whey she was not paying for kennels or a dog sitter?

We're all curious but that would have entailed the OP getting unnecessarily involved. Better just to keep saying no and wonder at the logic than risk getting roped into solutions.

Tiana4 · 26/08/2021 18:41

She has in effect left the dog in your care because DSD is reliant on your family to transport her over to walk the dog or if anything happens.

She hasn't left the dog in OPs care as OP said No all along.
She's left the dog expecting her child to walk from contact with her dad where she is staying to go feed and water dog once a day. And hoping OP will step in.

Big mistake

Anyway it will play out how it does and I wouldn't want to be CF ex when she returns to her house .... ShockConfused

Hertsgirl10 · 26/08/2021 18:41

I have only read OP’s comments and WOW this is unreal! Can’t believe the actual cheek of that woman ....

Also I’v fallen slightly in love with OP with each update 😂 you’re hilarious and absolutely love how you’ve stuck to your guns here!

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