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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
cakewench · 26/08/2021 16:34

Holy shit I can't believe this woman! The actual audacity of it all!

Also I've learned I've been using thumbs up incorrectly this whole time. Hopefully my friends are as clueless as I am Grin

DancesWithTortoises · 26/08/2021 16:35

Please don't back down, OP.

Tell the cheeky cow the dog will be at the RSPCA if she doesn't collect it. (You don't have to actually do it, just say you will)

Although I think I would, I'd be so cross.

Shefliesonherownwings · 26/08/2021 16:35

@whatfreshheck

Call the RSPCA. The dogs been abandoned.
This 100%. She doesn’t deserve a dog if that’s how she’s going to treat it, poor poor thing. I’d be tempted to take it home and not give it back to her.
LookItsMeAgain · 26/08/2021 16:36

Surely your DSD's mum's neighbours will hear the dog barking, because it's bored, throughout the day and would phone to complain to the RSPCA. Could you pop a note in their door saying "We believe the owner of this dog is away. If the dog barks and is an annoyance at any point, please contact the RSPCA"

thenightsky · 26/08/2021 16:37

So she's left the dog home alone?? Or is the 13 year old expected to stay with it by herself?

Coffeepot72 · 26/08/2021 16:37

So the ex has left the dog in her own house, and DSD has to go home to walk it? Have I got that right?

fiftyval · 26/08/2021 16:38

Completely agree with the OP's stance on this. Ex is totally unreasonable in her attitude to OP.
She is the sort of person who shouldn't be allowed to have a dog. That poor dog is going to be on its own overnight - simply cruel.

onlychildhamster · 26/08/2021 16:38

So she's left the dog home alone?? Or is the 13 year old expected to stay with it by herself?

This. I bet the 13 year old is staying with it by herself as instructed by her mum.

friendlycat · 26/08/2021 16:39

This is so cruel to the dog. It can't just be left alone whilst she swans off for the weekend. I think it really is going to have to be taken to a kennel.

diddl · 26/08/2021 16:41

Poor dog!

Ilovecaviar · 26/08/2021 16:42

Wow. So she’s kept to her plan to have you go over so Dsd can walk it?

Unicorn34 · 26/08/2021 16:43

I haven't commented on this yet but now the outcome is clear I thought I might.... I think your DSD and your DH will need to move into the ex's house while she is away as this poor dog cannot be left alone. Dogs hate being on their own for long periods of time, and I don't blame them. It is neglect and your DH needs to step up to help his daughter, NOT the ex-wife. I would not help now if I were you as she would've won. I would also have words with her when she returns to say if she acts like a CF again, in any way, you will no longer be having a good relationship with her and she will have to start contacting your DH regarding DSD. So sorry this has happened to you, its a horrid thing to do to you, your DSD and the dog.

onlychildhamster · 26/08/2021 16:43

@friendlycat but who is paying for it? I don't understand. its a weekend. I don't have a dog but I looked up the most luxurious dog hotel I could find in my area of north london- £48 per day so £150 for 3 days. I am not saying £150 is not a lot of money but surely it pales in comparison with the overall cost of a holiday?

billy1966 · 26/08/2021 16:43

@cakewench

Holy shit I can't believe this woman! The actual audacity of it all!

Also I've learned I've been using thumbs up incorrectly this whole time. Hopefully my friends are as clueless as I am Grin

Me too.

All my circle use it as a "all good" as in confirmation of arrangements etc.

Is it because I am old?🤔😁

Awful woman.

Poor dog.

I would also be withdrawing from this arrangement with her re your step daughter.

You have enough going on with on with your children.

Leave it to your husband.

Could she give less of a shit.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 26/08/2021 16:44

I’ve been watching this but not posted until now. OP, at this point you need to call the RSPCA and let them know the situation. Your 13 yo DSD is not old enough to be responsible for the dog, she can’t stay overnight with the dog and as such the dog has been abandoned.

At this point, I would stop all contact with the ex, push this back onto your DH and have nothing to do with the selfish, manipulative cow.

I’d also let the RSPCA know she had never planned the dog care to begin with and lied about being let down. This is evidence that she is not a responsible dog owner and should not have a pet.

I’m fucking foraging for you!

diddl · 26/08/2021 16:45

So is stepdaughter planning to miss school tomorrow?

Horst · 26/08/2021 16:46

Your going to need to message the mum and state again that you didn’t agree to watch or walk the dog you cannot be driving dsd back and forth to walk said dog either as said earlier and that she needs to find someone else as you will not be responsible for the dog.

You need it it writing again confirming that you will not be doing it and have never agreed to and then you’ve got to stand firm on not taking dsd there.

Boredhimtodeath · 26/08/2021 16:46

I don’t even know what to say! That poor dog! Poor DSD too because she will be feeling stuck in the middle, at 13 she will know it’s wrong for the dog to be left but is still young enough to do as her Mum says!

Wishihadanalgorithm · 26/08/2021 16:46

Raging not foraging obviously!

frazzledasarock · 26/08/2021 16:47

So the dog is left at home. Your DSD will walk him once a day after school, till the weekend?

The house will literally be a shit hole by the time the ex come back from her holiday.

And the poor dog home all alone all day and night.

Call the RSPCA & ask them for advice. This is so horrible for the poor dog.

Waspsarearseholes · 26/08/2021 16:48

@Horst

Your going to need to message the mum and state again that you didn’t agree to watch or walk the dog you cannot be driving dsd back and forth to walk said dog either as said earlier and that she needs to find someone else as you will not be responsible for the dog.

You need it it writing again confirming that you will not be doing it and have never agreed to and then you’ve got to stand firm on not taking dsd there.

I don't think OP needs anything in writing again. She's said 'no' in just about every possible way already. OP, it looks like your husband is going to have to get involved and unleash a shower of shit on his ex. Your poor step-daughter will be in a state not knowing what the hell to do about this. Christ, her mother is a selfish cow isn't she?
Horst · 26/08/2021 16:49

I only say the no again so that the ex doesn’t claim that a message was passed on by the daughter before she left. To cover her own but again if the rspca and that get involved and the mum claims that after all those message the op relented.

Wineandroses3 · 26/08/2021 16:49

She is one hard faced CF. You’ve got a baby and toddler twins and she expects you to drive to look after her dog cos she hasn’t sorted it out? Be straight - NO and if you don’t want dogs in your house make that clear aswell. Can’t believe the cheek of some ppl.

billy1966 · 26/08/2021 16:52

I for one hope the dog shits EVERYWHERE.

pictish · 26/08/2021 16:53

Don’t report her to the RSPCA for fuck’s sake…easy to say when it’s someone else’s drama…how ridiculous and spiteful that would be.