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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 26/08/2021 12:34

Op is entitled to put her and her very small dc's feelings above dsd....
The dog isn't entering the building...

forrestgreen · 26/08/2021 12:35

Would it be appropriate to message sd. Along the lines of, 'I've been messaging with your mum. Just wanted to update you. Mum wanted mil to have the dog but I'm not able to go walk it with having the children. See you Friday'

MinnieGirl · 26/08/2021 12:35

I would have major concerns about an untrained and unknown dog being around newborn babies and a toddler….

But I also think you should have a talk to DSD to explain why you have a dog phobia, and that is why you would never be able to look after a dog. That kills two birds with one stone. It shows DSD that you aren’t just being an old bat 🤨, but also stops any further requests in its tracks.

MinnieGirl · 26/08/2021 12:40

@2mutsandsomebabies

OP you can't call the dog warden on DSD dog because it will traumatise her. You will come across as in the wrong, even though you are not. You need to get you DH to make a plan here. His EX, His daughter, His daughters dog. Maybe you'll go stay with your mum or friend and he can sort out this madness and pick up the poop but it is not to be you.

You sound like a brilliant step mum and this woman shouldn't get the chance to make you look like the unreasonable one. Step away from the dog shit!

Totally agree, DSD doesn’t deserve that. DH should take it to MIL which isn’t ideal but at least the dog isn’t in your home peeing and pooing all over the place and putting your children at risk. Let MIL be angry with her, at least she doesn’t have 3 babies to look after
squeaver · 26/08/2021 12:40

In purely practical terms, I'm genuinely interested to know about the logistics of walking a dog with a toddler and twin babies in tow...

Louloubelle78 · 26/08/2021 12:44

I am a massive dog lover but it would a firm no from me. I don’t know how you even manage to get out the door with baby twins and a toddler, let alone adding dog walking. It would be massively cruel leaving that dog alone all that time. It is not a cat or a hamster.

QueenBee52 · 26/08/2021 12:45

@SingToTheSky

This thread is definitely better than love island.

too true 🤣

QueenBee52 · 26/08/2021 12:49

Text the Ex tell her if the Dog arrives with DSD ... she will be collecting the Dog at the local Dog Rehoming Centre...

AllotmentTime · 26/08/2021 12:51

up to my tits in kids GrinGrinGrin

ButteringMyArse · 26/08/2021 12:55

Tell her if it does turn up you're selling it.

ClawedButler · 26/08/2021 13:00

"I'm not sure why your poor planning is my problem"

End of chat.

LittleOwl153 · 26/08/2021 13:13

My guessing is that the dog will be left at home BUT DSD will have been told that she is responsible for the dog and will need to ensure that it is walked 3 times a day and clean up any mess it makes. The poor kid will be in a right state about it by the time she gets to you. And she will likely have been told its all your fault. (And probably that you don't really like her so are rejecting the dog out of spite) ...

Yes Ex-SIL I may be projecting just a little...

Jokie · 26/08/2021 13:13

You guys have really educated me. I use the thumbs up emoji to mean "ok" /"all good". I've never meant it passive aggressively... Well now I might 😂

QueenBee52 · 26/08/2021 13:16

@Jokie

You guys have really educated me. I use the thumbs up emoji to mean "ok" /"all good". I've never meant it passive aggressively... Well now I might 😂

I know... Im mortified ... 😳 I never knew this either 🤣😂

Sally872 · 26/08/2021 13:16

I wouldn't ask a mother of twins and a toddler to hold the lead for my dog while I tied my shoe lace never mind watch the dog for a while weekend!!! She is outrageous.

moofolk · 26/08/2021 13:19

@EatYourVegetables

I will not walk your sodding dog I will not walk him to the log I will not walk him to the park I will not walk him after dark

Will you walk him from MIL’s house?
Will you walk him with a mouse?

I will not walk him from MIL’s house
I will not walk him with a mouse
I will not walk him with a frog
I will not walk your sodding dog

Will you walk him really fast?
Will you walk him, please, you must?

I will not walk him really fast
He’s your problem, not my must,
You must think I’m off my rocker
You really are a cheeky ducker

You've won the thread well done!!

😂😂👏👏👏

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 26/08/2021 13:19

@Jokie

You guys have really educated me. I use the thumbs up emoji to mean "ok" /"all good". I've never meant it passive aggressively... Well now I might 😂
Same here. I use it for understood/okay/ all sorted. Typically friend texts ‘On my way, running 5 mins late’ and I do thumbs up.
Potpourri23 · 26/08/2021 13:23

I'd say "Can't you just use the money you would have spent on the original dog care (you know, the one that "fell through") and pay for kennels? Instead of trying to manipulate everyone you know into doing it as a freebie?

moofolk · 26/08/2021 13:26

@Purplewishes

I had twins and a toddler it took hours just to leave the house!

There's no way anyone I know would have even considered asking me to look after an untrained dog. I got roped into adopting a kitten temporarily for very specific reasons but that's another story ...

Well done for holding your ground.

And well done for getting through each and any day with three tiny ones.

The CF can get to fuck. Any money that she even looks like a dick from her own version of the story.

✊❤️✊❤️✊

blueberrywaffle · 26/08/2021 13:27

You go op. Stick your ground you've enough on your plate with 3 little ones

crosstalk · 26/08/2021 13:31

So what happened OP? Are you walking the dog? where is it staying?

HumourReplacementTherapy · 26/08/2021 13:34

Honestly couldn't you just put the dog lead round your spare ankle while you've one hand on a double pram and the other holding a toddler. Wtf is the matter with you? 😂

blueberrywaffle · 26/08/2021 13:34

🍿

ArrrMeHearties · 26/08/2021 13:35

The level of cheeky fuckery from her is astounding and I'm annoyed on your behalf she thumbs-up'd you... what a twat Grin

VickyEadieofThigh · 26/08/2021 13:35

@Potpourri23

I'd say "Can't you just use the money you would have spent on the original dog care (you know, the one that "fell through") and pay for kennels? Instead of trying to manipulate everyone you know into doing it as a freebie?
This. I would also have rung up local kennels and asked them if they had availability and cost, then messaged her with that information.

I speak as a dog owner who always puts my dog in kennels and never burdens friends, family or neighbours with the responsibility.