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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
PartridgeFeather · 26/08/2021 06:11

Stop being nice and tell her the discussion is over, or respond only with a list of local kennels. Not your job to mediate her very strange behaviour, time to step back from this person and tell the H to sort it.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 26/08/2021 06:13

"I have a toddler and newborn twins. I'm not walking your fucking dog for you so you can have a holiday when you couldn't be arsed to book a dog boarder in the first place."
God I'm so mad for you and the poor dog.
I'd also tell her that if she leaves the dog alone to force your hand you'll call the rspca.

GAHgamel · 26/08/2021 06:16

Another vote for not caving just to keep the peace here. With two babies and a toddler to wrangle it'd be a massive imposition if you were a massive dog-lover and it was a dog you were familiar with. An unfamiliar dog who's been left alone in an unfamiliar place would be enough of a challenge for someone who's nervous around dogs without the added responsibility of babies and toddler on top.

If she keeps trying to guilt trip you, just keep repeating "this is not a problem that I'm in a position to help you with."

Cuddlyrottweiler · 26/08/2021 06:19

How would you even walk a dog with a toddler and twins?!
It takes two hands to push a pushchair, one hand to hold a toddler, one hand to hold a dog, one hand to pick up dog shit. How many hands do you have OP?!

Coffeepot72 · 26/08/2021 06:56

Looking forward to the next update from the OP!

pictish · 26/08/2021 07:10

Ok I’m going to be blunt here. I have twin babies and a toddler and other things to do. I don’t want the faff of getting everyone ready to go round to mil’s or anywhere else, to walk your dog. It’s a chunk out of my day whether you accept that or not. Besides that, how am I to keep everyone safe with one pair of hands?
I said no because I don’t WANT to do it. It’s too much of an imposition at this time. I don’t want to fall out with you but please stop pestering me about this.

Snog · 26/08/2021 07:20

"Lots of hotels now take dogs. You need to take your dog with you on holiday, or if you have no kennels/dog sitter service booked then you need to stay home with your dog. This is not a problem I can solve for you as I clearly have my hands more than full already with my own responsibilities."

WaterBottle123 · 26/08/2021 07:23

Did I miss the explanation as to why DSD can't go alone to MILs to walk dog if she's 5 mins away?

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 26/08/2021 07:24

Do not cave!

WeatherwaxLives · 26/08/2021 07:36

@WaterBottle123 because DSD will be at school.

OP It's her constant 'what's the big deal?!' that's really really grating on me! By now I would have told her that the 'big deal' is that it's her dog, not mine, and if I wanted to be walking hither and thither and picking up shit I'd have my own fucking dog!

HaveringWavering · 26/08/2021 07:38

@WaterBottle123

Did I miss the explanation as to why DSD can't go alone to MILs to walk dog if she's 5 mins away?
At school I think.

This is a perfect example of people not thinking dog ownership through properly. They have a huge impact in your life and curtail your freedom. Some people only realise this when it’s too late.

GoldenBlue · 26/08/2021 07:38

@WaterBottle123

Did I miss the explanation as to why DSD can't go alone to MILs to walk dog if she's 5 mins away?
She'll beat school during the day time. The MIL will be at work during the day time.

So they are expecting the OP (who is afraid of dogs) to take the dog for a walk during the day with a toddler and new born twins.

No, no, no the dog needs to be in kennels or have a dog sitter

diddl · 26/08/2021 08:01

It's not an emergency situation & she hasn't looked at kennels/paying a dog walker, so no.

There probably are other solutions she just doesn't want to pay look for them.

SingToTheSky · 26/08/2021 08:09

@ChickpeaCrunch

*send

Even if she's not a baby person she will be after she looks after them for the weekend lol

🤣
JackOfGentleman · 26/08/2021 08:32

The best response was "I will not be having any role in looking after your dog. Stop asking me."

Simple, firm, direct with no room for negotiation at ALL. She has no comeback for that.

beachcitygirl · 26/08/2021 08:35

OP please please please don't do this. Don't allow this CF to do this to all of you. Im actually furious here ! (Also scared of dogs)

CoraPirbright · 26/08/2021 08:41

I am mystified as to why the ex can’t just bloody well google ‘dog-sitting services in my area’ or some such, and get the poor dog sorted out. All this fannying about lying to everyone is just wasting time! Is she really that tight and thoughtless about the poor animal that she is not willing to do this? Or what about her friends? Or are they all wise to the fact that she is such a feckless owner that the poor creature isn’t house trained?

Loudestcat14 · 26/08/2021 08:49

Honestly at this stage, would any of you cave and just do it?

Don't you dare, OP! You've got twins and a toddler and YOUR PARTNER'S EX expects you to round them all up and go to her house to walk her dog. Not a bloody chance.

Phobiaphobic · 26/08/2021 08:51

Honestly, I think your DH needs to put his foot down here and tell her to do one.

rookiemere · 26/08/2021 08:52

I agree @CoraPirbright - it is baffling, as even at this late stage I'm pretty sure she'd find something. Around here its about £25-30 a night for boarding at someone's home, so for a weekend it's not even that expensive.

Ex clearly had a vision of how things would be - trouble is she didn't bother consulting with the person doing all the work. Weird that she's prepared to throw away a good relationship with the OP over this.

rookiemere · 26/08/2021 08:54

Also to stick up for the poor dog here. Very few dogs could hold it in for 8+ hours during the day, if that's what's being expected of it.

LookItsMeAgain · 26/08/2021 09:04

Is today the day that the CFer Dog Owner is due to leave for her weekend away?

Original poster
Purplewishes · 26/08/2021 09:14

Sorry guys been up to my tits in kids.

So I replied to her and just said that it might not be a big deal for her but it was too much to ask on short notice and I already struggle during day with my own plans never mind throwing in a dog walk.

There was a bit of back and forth texting and I eventually just said, look am not doing it.

She replied with a very blunt "okay fine" and .... A thumbs up emoji

Now I don't know about you but a thumbs up emoji is the highest order of being a cheeky bastard which had be absolutely fucking raging.

Anyway. Who's getting dog appears at the door after school?

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 26/08/2021 09:15

Agree rookiemere. I have a larger breed and he seems to be mostly bladder and can easily go for many hours before pottering off to the garden for a pee Grin. However my MIL’s dog for instance is a small breed and often needs to be let out in the middle of the night for a pee. Exhausting - even when you don’t have lots of small children who also need seeing to.

Original poster
Purplewishes · 26/08/2021 09:15

Betting fuck sake. Who's getting the dog shows up with dsd

OP posts:
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