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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 25/08/2021 21:42

Nope, would not cave.
Thin end of the wedge, slippery slope.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 25/08/2021 21:43

She may be thinking that you are all one extended family because you're linked by DSD. But unless your DH is the biological father of the new dog then she is mistaken, the dog is her family and not yours.

cookingisoverrated · 25/08/2021 21:45

[quote Purplewishes]@redtartanshoes part of me wants to stop all the drama and just agree to go to MIL and walk the fuckin dog, but the bigger part of me is a stubborn bitch.

I did reply to her and said "sorry it's stressing you out but it would be too stressful for me to get the whole team out to go over to MILs for dog"

Not a cheeky reply but I am trying to maintain the peace without telling her to fuck off.

Honestly at this stage, would any of you cave and just do it?[/quote]
No, I wouldn't.

Charmatt · 25/08/2021 21:49

Stick to your guns! Otherwise you'll end up looking after it every time she has a holiday!

Ellie56 · 25/08/2021 21:49

Honestly at this stage, would any of you cave and just do it?

No no no. Don't give in. That's what she's banking on. And if you do, as PPs have said, you will be default dog carer for evermore.

Surely you've not got much longer to hold out. Is it tomorrow she's supposed to be going away?

CoasterCoaster · 25/08/2021 21:50

Honestly at this stage, would any of you cave and just do it?

No! The facts haven't changed and if you cave now she will expect you to cave every time she wants something, stand your ground. I hate this manipulative side some people have and it sounds like you're similar, asking you directly and being honest about what she actually wanted would have been much more likely to elicit a positive response. Don't teach her that her way works by giving in now, she needs to treat you with a bit more respect if she wants favours from you.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/08/2021 21:51

I'm worried that she'll leave the poor dog shut in one room of her house with a huge bowl of kibble

That's what worries me, Jennifer. A bowl of food and one of water, and no thought for toilet ting, or for the sheer terror that poor creature will experience being left on it's own, in an empty, silent, house for days.

Tirediam · 25/08/2021 21:52

‘Kin hell she really thought that every body else would look after her pissy dog didn’t she!!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/08/2021 21:59

@ChickpeaCrunch

Could you offer to go on the holiday for her so she doesn't have to waste her money?!
This is a great suggestion. I’m sure she won’t mind looking after your 3 and her dog. It’s so easy after all. She will be so relaxed she won’t know what to do with her time, will she?
UnGoogled · 25/08/2021 22:00

Hold the line, OP! Don't cave! If she's talking shit about you for this, even more reason not to cave - not that you need any more reasons!

I hope this thread ends up in the DM, then she can read all the comments over there about how much of a cheeky cow she's being.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 25/08/2021 22:00

Absolutely not... you cannot cave in now.
I do think perhaps you might need to be a bit more firm / assertive with your reply to her though. Point out her 'failed' doggy care is not your fault ( I would still call her out on this) - you would not change the relationship you have with your DSD and if she cruelly chooses to blame/ hold her responsible for letting slip - which shouldn't be an added pressure for DSD- then to me that doesn't Say much about her. Plus there seems to be a bit of a theme here - she lied to you about doggy care falling through, she lied to MIL about said (non) arrangement with you. Bet she didn't tell MIL it's not house trained. Why should she not be held accountable 1. For lying and 2. It's her own damn fault !!!
Anyhow.. I digressed... I think you need to point out the above, reiterate you do not have the time / nor actually want to walk her dog. Stand your ground OP.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 25/08/2021 22:01

Also as PPs have said you will end up being her go to doggy care forever.

mallowvalley · 25/08/2021 22:04

@Cherrysoup

Stick to your guns, OP, or it’ll be the thin edge of the wedge, she’ll be dumping the dog on you for weeks!
...and the dog will be dumping it's load on your carpets 🤣
AngelPrint · 25/08/2021 22:05

Do it once …. Do it forever!

If you cave now you’ll be doing it regularly for years

MadeForThis · 25/08/2021 22:06

You've said No. now just stay silent.

MaggieFS · 25/08/2021 22:10

OMFG. As if anyone with twin babies and a toddler can ever easily just 'pop' anywhere. I can't even manage it with just one baby. When the toddler has to come too it's like packing for an expedition to darkest Peru featuring all the paraphernalia available to buy at a baby show. Just no.
We've got your back OP.

billy1966 · 25/08/2021 22:14

No one with twins and a toddler would entertain this for a minute, of that you can be sure.

Don't cave.
She has no shame, bothering you.Flowers

3luckystars · 25/08/2021 22:15

I’m struggling to understand how you could walk two new babies and a toddler and a dog at the same time.
Would you put the dog in a sling?

Absolutely unbelievable. No way would I even reply to this insanity.

Curlygirl06 · 25/08/2021 22:17

[quote Purplewishes]@redtartanshoes part of me wants to stop all the drama and just agree to go to MIL and walk the fuckin dog, but the bigger part of me is a stubborn bitch.

I did reply to her and said "sorry it's stressing you out but it would be too stressful for me to get the whole team out to go over to MILs for dog"

Not a cheeky reply but I am trying to maintain the peace without telling her to fuck off.

Honestly at this stage, would any of you cave and just do it?[/quote]
Back in the mists of time when I had twins and an older child, friends thought I was loopy to start getting them ready for the school run in the afternoon at 2.15. The school was 3 minutes away (walking) and the school day finished at 3. Soooo, once I'd got them up from their nap, changed one then the other, got one lot of shoes, hat and coat on, then the other one, then put the bloody shoes back on the first one, then got them into the pushchair, then re attach the hats, then have to change one or the other or both because they've pooed, sometimes I was running up to school ! Under no circumstances should you agree to walk the dog/ let it out/ have anything to do with it. Cf indeed!

NeverMetANiceOne · 25/08/2021 22:19

The logistics alone are impossible, nevermind the cheekyfuckery! Stay strong OP and we'll done for rescuing your MIL from this batshittery.

DimplesToadfoot · 25/08/2021 22:19

Glad to see you're sticking to your guns, I won't even take my own dog out with my GD as I don't feel safely in control, it would only take my dog to go one way, GD to go the other and I'd be in foobarr land. Shes a CF alright cheeky mare

MotherofTerriers · 25/08/2021 22:21

I wouldn't cave and do it
I'd bounce it back to her - ask why she is pushing when you've always made it clear you aren't going to look after her dog? Why isn't she pushing the dog sitter who let her down and asking them to help find a solution?
If you give in now you'll be doing it forever- and if the dog is stressed at being left in a strange house you could well get nipped. Plus you've got enough on your plate. Plus you said no

Wafflethefuckinwonderdog · 25/08/2021 22:23

Can't she take the hairy mutt with her? If she can't be arsed to pay for kennels then she should have booked a dog friendly holiday.

FinallyHere · 25/08/2021 22:23

Honestly at this stage, would any of you cave and just do it?

Nah.

She is expecting you to blink first.

Don't.

Tinpotspectator · 25/08/2021 22:28

If she raises it again, just tell her there's no way on earth you can walk a dog with baby twins and a toddler. So you won't. Say there may be one or two amazing people who can do such a thing, but not you, unfortunately . That you're sorry her weekend plans are affected. Then change the conversation.