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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplewishes · 25/08/2021 21:00

@ellie56 as far as I know ex doesn't have any family close by. no clue about her partner's family.

I've no idea if she's asked any of her friends but I can bet I am gettin made out to be a right bitch in any group chats she's in

OP posts:
Waspsarearseholes · 25/08/2021 21:00

You do not want to have to try to get a lead on a dog you've never met who has been dumped in strange surroundings and left alone for hours and then try to walk it. It will likely be quite frightened or excited and could easily bite.

rookiemere · 25/08/2021 21:01

Seriously OP ? Do it "just this once" and you are forever lumbered looking after a dog you did not want or need.
There are a lot more options than kennels, house sitting even FB pages where overly kind people will say yes to looking after a dog for free. All she needed to do was invest 10 mins of her time into these other options, oh and potentially pay for it.

ZenNudist · 25/08/2021 21:01

I'm not a dog person. I had 2 traumatic experiences as a child, once when I was very small and an alsatian bigger than me pushed me over and barked at me, once when I was chased down a beach by a very friendly dog but I was small and it seemed big and I was terrified and I fell over and it pouced on me, just playing but I was so scared. I've avoided dogs ever since but I don't mind them if other people are walking them. I'd hate to walk one, wouldn't have one in the house, wouldn't be able to deal with poo, think they make a house smell.

That kind of fear aside in any case you've got to stand up to this kind of CF.

Waspsarearseholes · 25/08/2021 21:02

[quote Purplewishes]@waspsarearseholes ohhh what about a naked dance to wind music around a firepit while holding up an artistic board with the letters N and O painted on it?[/quote]
I think that would get the message across rather nicely. Appealing to many senses at once. Although to be honest I'd add a song, or possibly more of a wail/chant. It's up to you, though, of course.

Lostinthemail · 25/08/2021 21:03

[quote Purplewishes]@ellie56 as far as I know ex doesn't have any family close by. no clue about her partner's family.

I've no idea if she's asked any of her friends but I can bet I am gettin made out to be a right bitch in any group chats she's in[/quote]
Then let one of them bloody do it. What a cheeky b#tch and there’s zero chance I’d do it, not even for money (maybe for a lot of money, let’s be honest :P).

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 25/08/2021 21:04

I said no from the start. For me, there is no such thing as a ‘quick walk’- I have a toddler and newborn twins! To get the four of us ready take military precision and an extra 45mins. You should have booked the kennels in the first place instead of just assuming we’d care for it. MIL agreed to take the dog because you told her I'd walk it twice daily, which you knew I’d said no to. She agreed under false pretences. I have told you clearly that I can not, and will not, care for the dog. I have explained why. It is your responsibility to ensure your dog has care not mine

tickledtiger · 25/08/2021 21:06

If I got an apology I’d do it. A real apology.

At the moment it seems like she expects an apology from YOU. Zero insight.

WildfirePonie · 25/08/2021 21:06

Don't cave. Just no. The dog is not your problem.

Cherrysoup · 25/08/2021 21:07

Stick to your guns, OP, or it’ll be the thin edge of the wedge, she’ll be dumping the dog on you for weeks!

steppemum · 25/08/2021 21:15

OP - if you want to stay friends, but still be able to say no, you need to tell her that you have a phobia of dogs sonce being bitten as a child. That will make her saound mean to force a dog on you, and means that there is no way you are ever going to say yes.

icelollycraving · 25/08/2021 21:16

If I was getting slagged off for it, I would fit my heels in even further tbh.

icelollycraving · 25/08/2021 21:16

Dig not fit ffs

NewlyGranny · 25/08/2021 21:16

OP, you have more than enough on your plate! Why did the ex imagine you and your MiL would not compare notes?! It was disingenuous of her to pretend that arrangements had fallen through as of someone had cancelled or let her down. She never made arrangements, just assumptions!

Boarding kennels exist for holidaying dog owners, and they've had a lean time of it lately. She needs to patronise a local business and do her bit for the economy.

As a twin mum I know the feeling that someone has dumped a lorryload of sand against your front door daily that must be dug out before you can even leave the house. Getting two babies ready and put of the house is a major undertaking, and you're expected to do this daily, rain or shine, for a pet that's not yours whose owner has not even asked you nicely.

What's in it for you, I ask? Only the certain knowledge that if you cave on this occasion, the demands will never stop. If you hold the line this time, I promise she will never ask you again.

It won't make you popular but it will make you powerful.

frazzledasarock · 25/08/2021 21:21

How could anyone with any modicum of common sense expect a woman with twin babies and a toddler to schlep out each afternoon to walk/dog sit their not trained dog?

How are you meant to be keeping toddler and twins in check whilst scooping up dog shit?
My toddler would ‘help’ it would end in tears (for me).

She’s out of her mind.

NewlyGranny · 25/08/2021 21:23

Also, have you ever seen a single adult walking a dog while pushing a twin pram and wrangling an accompanying toddler? She has not thought this through. The 5 minute walk to MiL's house is irrelevant, really. Why would anyone put themselves through that performance daily for a presuming CF?!

NewlyGranny · 25/08/2021 21:24

Cross posted, Frazzled! And I'd forgotten the inevitable poo, too. And the little dog going loopy if it sees another dog, no doubt.

TurquoiseDragon · 25/08/2021 21:26

@RightYesButNo

What is this, Green Fucking Eggs and Ham? I do not like to walk your dog. Not in a fog, not with a frog. I will not walk it from your place. I will not walk it in a race. I will not walk it from MIL’s home. I will not walk it with a gnome. I will not walk it here or there. I will not walk it anywhere. Angry
Brilliant! Grin
lyntheyresexpeople · 25/08/2021 21:29

OMG the CHEEK.
Don't do it op! I wouldn't either, I absolutely cannot stand dogs, they terrify me. I also have young children, and you couldn't pay me to do it. Stick to your guns! You've been nothing but polite! She shouldn't have a dog if she can't make appropriate arrangements, it's not your problem.

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 21:32

Could you offer to go on the holiday for her so she doesn't have to waste her money?!

stonebrambleboy · 25/08/2021 21:34

I'm begging you OP please don't do it!

Waspsarearseholes · 25/08/2021 21:34

@ChickpeaCrunch

Could you offer to go on the holiday for her so she doesn't have to waste her money?!
Ooh good idea! Assuming she'll happily have the babies, can't see why it would be a problem after all. Looks like that could be that, then, sorted!
Mrgrinch · 25/08/2021 21:39

God don't cave whatever you do. If you do it once it will always be expected.

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 21:41

@Waspsarearseholes just sent the kids back with DSD, it will all be fine!!

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 21:41

*send

Even if she's not a baby person she will be after she looks after them for the weekend lol