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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
Whatinthelord · 25/08/2021 20:32

What a total piss take.
Again she just assumed you would walk the dog if it was at MILs rather than checking first. Good on MIL for finally saying no too…because she clearly didn’t want to look after the dog. Who fails to sort care for the dog until this late before they go away and then tries to get their Ex mum and new partner to look after it.

Doesn’t she have her own friends and family to ask? Or her boyfriends friend and family. I find it odd she is asking her ex’s family

Staffy1 · 25/08/2021 20:33

Also, even if it does normally get three walks, would it really matter if it just had two for a few days? That would solve all her problems as MIL could have the dog and walk it in the morning and DSD could walk it after school. OP wouldn’t have to associate with it at all.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair5629456 · 25/08/2021 20:34

She's taking the piss! I can't believe she was willing to just let you come in and walk the dog, poor thing would be on its own all night?! That's just cruel.

diddl · 25/08/2021 20:34

[quote Staffy1]@diddl, that surprises me, I know lots round here seem to get only one. Mine, when I had one, got walked morning and evening.[/quote]
Well I suppose I have the time so I've always done three.

But if the exes dog was to go out before school/work & then not again until after school, that could be 8hrs which I would have thought is too long.

I always assumed that dogs getting a morning & evening walk had the chance of an afternoon wee in a garden!

cuppaandabiscuit · 25/08/2021 20:35

@Staffy1

Does the dog really need three walks a day? Most get two walks a day at the most.
My dog needs to go outside 4/5 times a day so she doesn't pee or poop inside. Proper walks only a couple but wouldn't be fair to her to be kept in for 6-8 hours without access to a space to toilet.
Ellie56 · 25/08/2021 20:37

Doesn’t she have her own friends and family to ask? Or her boyfriends friend and family. I find it odd she is asking her ex’s family

Maybe her family and friends have all said no too. Or maybe she's putting pressure on a whole raft of people hoping somebody will finally give in and agree.

Hugoslavia · 25/08/2021 20:38

I don't get why the dog even needs walking. Letting out, yes. But walking? It's only for two days. It's not going to kill it.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 25/08/2021 20:41

"Let me explain. No. I. Will. Not. Walk. YOUR. Dog.

Seriously. I don't like dogs, I never agreed to help care for your dog, and while I hope you get something sorted so you can get away I will not be part of the solution. This guilt tripping is only succeeding in pissing me off. Please stop before we fall out."

Staffy1 · 25/08/2021 20:41

@cuppaandabiscuit, fair enough, it would need to be let in and out of the garden in between.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 25/08/2021 20:42

No apologising, no reasons, just no, you're not going to because you don't want to

cuppaandabiscuit · 25/08/2021 20:44

But who's going to do that? The owner is in hols, DSD at school, MIL at work and OP up to her eyeballs with 3 young children. So whether it's a full blown walk or letting out in the garden for a quick wee there's no one to do it.

cuppaandabiscuit · 25/08/2021 20:45

@cuppaandabiscuit

But who's going to do that? The owner is in hols, DSD at school, MIL at work and OP up to her eyeballs with 3 young children. So whether it's a full blown walk or letting out in the garden for a quick wee there's no one to do it.
This was responding to @Hugoslavia
Staffy1 · 25/08/2021 20:47

@cuppaandabiscuit

But who's going to do that? The owner is in hols, DSD at school, MIL at work and OP up to her eyeballs with 3 young children. So whether it's a full blown walk or letting out in the garden for a quick wee there's no one to do it.
Yes, agreed.
JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 25/08/2021 20:51

I don't like dogs, I never agreed to help care for your dog and, while I hope you get something sorted so you can get away, I will not be part of the solution. This guilt tripping is only succeeding in pissing me off. Please stop before we fall out.

This ^^

BlackAlys · 25/08/2021 20:52

.

Waspsarearseholes · 25/08/2021 20:55

Bloody hell. How many ways can you say no before she understands? I think it's time for a multi-media approach. How are you at interpretive dance, OP. Or art?

Original poster
Purplewishes · 25/08/2021 20:55

@redtartanshoes part of me wants to stop all the drama and just agree to go to MIL and walk the fuckin dog, but the bigger part of me is a stubborn bitch.

I did reply to her and said "sorry it's stressing you out but it would be too stressful for me to get the whole team out to go over to MILs for dog"

Not a cheeky reply but I am trying to maintain the peace without telling her to fuck off.

Honestly at this stage, would any of you cave and just do it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplewishes · 25/08/2021 20:57

@waspsarearseholes ohhh what about a naked dance to wind music around a firepit while holding up an artistic board with the letters N and O painted on it?

OP posts:
Summersun2020 · 25/08/2021 20:57

Absolutely not, if anything I’d dig my heels in even more! Cheeky bloody cow.

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 20:58

Honestly at this stage, would any of you cave and just do it? no. I know it would be tempting to just do it but it isn't "just" doing it. It's a massive pain in the bum for you to do it and she needs to learn you aren't her slave she doesn't get to use you when convenient.

Waspsarearseholes · 25/08/2021 20:58

No, don't cave! Honestly, all her CFery and deception will have paid off then.

GinIronic · 25/08/2021 20:58

No I wouldn’t cave - because I don’t want her to think she has won - and also because the dog will be your responsibility every time she wants a holiday or fancies a break.

ButtonMoonLoon · 25/08/2021 20:59

No- don’t cave, she is taking the absolute piss expecting you to do this with three young children!

Eddielzzard · 25/08/2021 21:00

She's the one who's fucked up and now pressuring you into it. Hold strong. Why should you shlep over there with 3 little ones in tow because she didn't want to arrange for dog care? Does she care about what you have to deal with to walk her dog? Just getting out the door with twins and a toddler makes me want to go and pour a whisky.

Howshouldibehave · 25/08/2021 21:00

Honestly at this stage, would any of you cave and just do it?

No, I honestly wouldn’t. Do you want this to be her default dog care plan for every weekend away or holiday she takes? She’ll say you managed it with a dog phobia and tiny twins, so it’ll be a walk in the park for you going forward.

Did you tell MIL about the dog crapping everywhere? I presume she likes her carpets?!

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