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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
diddl · 25/08/2021 20:06

"No I cannot just walk him."

If MIL is 5mins walk away why cab#n't step daughter walk him?

Kiduknot · 25/08/2021 20:06

It’s stressing me out too CF as I have a massive dog phobia following a violent attack when I was a child. So I won’t be walking your dog ever for whatever reason. I’m sure there would be local kennels who would take at short notice as your previous arrangement let you down….But please accept that I will not be walking or caring for your dog.

This

ButtonMoonLoon · 25/08/2021 20:07

My goodness she has a hugely overinflated sense of entitlement!
Stay firm- her dog, her responsibility.

Original poster
Purplewishes · 25/08/2021 20:08

@diddl my understanding of it is that MIL would walk dog before work, I would walk dog while DSD was at school and then DSD would walk dog after school.

I think ex thought she was doing me a favour by getting MIL to take the dog as it would mean we wouldn't have to travel to her house to walk the dog after I said dog wouldn't be staying at our house

OP posts:
cuppaandabiscuit · 25/08/2021 20:11

Honestly? I wouldn't engage anymore- you've said no repeatedly - nothing more to add.

diddl · 25/08/2021 20:11

"@diddl my understanding of it is that MIL would walk dog before work, I would walk dog while DSD was at school and then DSD would walk dog after school."

Sorry, yes, it would still be too long between walks.

Undisclosedlocation · 25/08/2021 20:12

I guess you now know why your DH does not have a good relationship with her!

mallowvalley · 25/08/2021 20:12

Start a WhatsApp group with MIL and DH and Ex. She'll stop her shit pretty quick when everyone's in the same loop.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 25/08/2021 20:12

I have said no. Let that be an end to the matter and lets not spoil our friendship.

icelollycraving · 25/08/2021 20:14

Just reply that this weekend and generally, her dd is your responsibility along with your 3 kids. Walking a snappy dog with newborns and a toddler is not happening. You’ve been completely clear about it. Maybe ex your annoyance should be aimed at who you booked to care for him, I was never the plan. Then send her a link for a kennel. Cheeky bitch.

RightYesButNo · 25/08/2021 20:14

What is this, Green Fucking Eggs and Ham?
I do not like to walk your dog.
Not in a fog, not with a frog.
I will not walk it from your place.
I will not walk it in a race.
I will not walk it from MIL’s home.
I will not walk it with a gnome.
I will not walk it here or there.
I will not walk it anywhere.
Angry

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 25/08/2021 20:15

Stay strong and don’t give in. I personally wouldn’t like the logistics of pushing a (double) pushchair, wrangling a toddler and walking / controlling a dog. And that’s if I even liked dogs

BedknobsNoBroomsticks · 25/08/2021 20:16

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit

I have said no. Let that be an end to the matter and lets not spoil our friendship.
This is a good reply. And then don't mention it again.
DaisyBlu · 25/08/2021 20:18

@RightYesButNo

What is this, Green Fucking Eggs and Ham? I do not like to walk your dog. Not in a fog, not with a frog. I will not walk it from your place. I will not walk it in a race. I will not walk it from MIL’s home. I will not walk it with a gnome. I will not walk it here or there. I will not walk it anywhere. Angry
Please send this Grin
esloquehay · 25/08/2021 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Redtartanshoes · 25/08/2021 20:21

In all honestky I would just walk the dog. I know she’s been a CF and a cow bag but is it worth falling out over? It’s not a massive deal to walk it/ let ut out, it will make DSD happy and you never know when you’ll need a favour back.

100% she shouldn’t have booked weekend away without organising dog care but it’s not worth the hassle IMO. And I say that as someone who has the worlds worst ex to deal with

Howshouldibehave · 25/08/2021 20:22

In all honestky I would just walk the dog

Do you have tiny twins, a toddler and a phobia of dogs?

Steelesauce · 25/08/2021 20:24

I could never manage walking a dog and pushing a single pram never mind a double and dragging a toddler. Stick to your guns!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 25/08/2021 20:24

You HAVE to send Rightyesbutno's tribute to green eggs & ham!!!!

Staffy1 · 25/08/2021 20:25

Does the dog really need three walks a day? Most get two walks a day at the most.

Amandasummers · 25/08/2021 20:26

At this point I’d just be honest, I’d say dsd let slip that ex never had any intentions of arranging dog care, and had planned all along to spring this on you and that is not ok, had she asked in advance you may have considered but good relationship aside it’s not on to try and guilt you into this by way of lying!

diddl · 25/08/2021 20:28

@Staffy1

Does the dog really need three walks a day? Most get two walks a day at the most.
I always thought that three was the norm.
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 25/08/2021 20:30

@Amandasummers

At this point I’d just be honest, I’d say dsd let slip that ex never had any intentions of arranging dog care, and had planned all along to spring this on you and that is not ok, had she asked in advance you may have considered but good relationship aside it’s not on to try and guilt you into this by way of lying!
Me too.
Staffy1 · 25/08/2021 20:30

@diddl, that surprises me, I know lots round here seem to get only one. Mine, when I had one, got walked morning and evening.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 25/08/2021 20:31

[quote Purplewishes]@terminallysleepdeprived (totally can relate to your username)
I totally agree with what you said. Ex has been in my life same amount of time DSD has. She comes part and parcel with DSD hence how we have all put a lot of effort into forming and maintaing a good co-parenting relationship on all fronts with respecting the same form of rules in both houses, curfews, punishments for DSD and we all agreed early days that DSD would be put first and we've all stuck to this. we generally do get on with one another and to go against the grain I really do like her as a whole.
Still not walking the fucking dog though.[/quote]
Not to depress you hut 8 years in and dd still doesn't sleep reliably. Some is long term health issue related but some is just her being a knob over bedtime.

Exdp, his exw and I worked bloody hard to maintain a good relationship for their kids. There were massive boundary issues on her part, but Exdp's behaviour since our split suggests not everything I thought was her doing actually was. We will never be friends but even now him and I have been split for over 3 years we still speak occasionally, I still have dsd over for movie nights, we go shopping when she needs stuff her mum won't let her buy.

The family that made comments about her being at MIL's funeral pissed me off. They were together for over 20 years, from being 14. She was and is family. Dysfunctional as hell but family all the same!!

I would maybe sned her links to kennels with vacancies, we found several online that had online booking for our dog. Or a local dog walker.

Bottom line is had she not lied through her teeth this might have ended differently. I would remind her of that