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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say women living with men don't own toolboxes

251 replies

54321nought · 23/08/2021 10:17

straw poll!

I don't really know if this is true, I just want to see what the response is on here!

YABU - I live with a man, and I own a toolbox, or share equal ownership of the household toolbox

YANBU - I live with a man, and the toolbox in our household is his property, or mostly viewed as his property

If you don't live with a man, please don't vote! Although, please comment as much as you like.

This is one YABU that I am hoping to "lose"!

Thank you

OP posts:
irregularegular · 23/08/2021 15:07

I don't see the toolbox as his personal possession. But he uses it far far more than I do. I really should improve my capabilities in this area.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 23/08/2021 15:20

All the tools are mine. Especially the power tools. DH doesn’t actually know what most are for.

CheeryTreeBlossom · 23/08/2021 15:21

The toolbox and power tools are mine, DH occasionally borrows them but usually just leaves the task to me as I enjoy doing it more and am more skilled.

A lot of tools were gifts from my dad as he was sick of me "borrowing" his! As said, I do pretty much all the DIY in the house and I credit my dad for teaching me, though I've not got quite his skillset, but working on it.

Working on the next generation, toddler DD already knows that when something is broken the correct course of action is to present it to mummy to get it fixed. She also likes to copy me by making drilling noises while poking a stick at the wall.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/08/2021 15:21

When ex left he took the toolbox
I now have my own that I have assembled

So sadly , yanbu

isseys4xmastinselcats · 23/08/2021 15:23

when i was single i owned no tools i have grown up sons who own tools due to their jobs so bribing them with a nice home cooked meal got my jobs done for me now i live with a man he does the DIY from his extensive tool box i go no where near it

Buttons294749 · 23/08/2021 15:26

Equal ownership here

Aprilinspringtimeshower · 23/08/2021 15:28

Just divorced. When married tools and tool box were mainly his domain. But I don’t know why. He was useless at DIY. Any jobs that needed doing I was essentially telling him or deciding with him what to do and how to go about it, and any light weight stuff I did myself using “his “ tools. He wasn’t possessive about them, just saw them as his kit and didn’t take care of them🤣always in a muddle. And never the right rawlplugs or screws for the job. He had to be dragged reluctantly to do anything anyway.
I’ve just divorced. Been in my new home for 3 months. Have my own very tidy tool kit with lighter weight non macho power tools and am gaining in confidence and the realisation that I was pretty much doing the DIY myself anyway for last 30 years apart form wielding the heavy macho tools he had. And the tools don’t get “lost” anymore- they stay where I put them 🤣.

frazzledfragglefromfragglerock · 23/08/2021 15:34

I have my own basic tools because dh never puts anything back in the right place so I can't find anything! We share the rest of the tools though I don't really use the garage tools as their mainly sockets, wrenches etc for fixing bikes which I don't do.

Aprilinspringtimeshower · 23/08/2021 15:35

I’ll also make a related observation to all the femal DIYers out there and ask for your views
I sew a lot. There are endless guides available around types of cloth, the thickness of thread to use, the correct UNIVERSAL needle size on a sewing machine to use (universally colour coded).
But when it comes to screws, drill bit sizes and real plugs : there is no universally recognised system. Everyone seems to use different colour codes, or the advice is based a “mysteriously” being able to look at a screw and know what size rail plug and drill to use. It seems inordinately complicated. Am I a touch cynical in thinking this is typical of male “skills” : that they don’t want to make it simple so anyone can do it…cloud it in mystery and make people think they can’t do it or “screwing up” ( pun deliberate) .
I don’t get if we can do it for sewing why the hell can’t we do it for walls?

QueenHofScotland · 23/08/2021 15:38

The tools in our house / garage are very much my husbands! I mean Im sure he wouldn’t mind if I used them but I wouldn’t have a clue what half of them were for. He likes DIY. His dad was a joiner and he learned a lot from him. He loves nothing more than pottering in the garage.

Frymetothemoon · 23/08/2021 15:40

I arrived with my own tools and power tools. I had more than he did. I also have special tools related to my hobby, which he would have no idea how to use

ShowMeTheSugar · 23/08/2021 15:41

My tools and I do all DIY. We share the garden tools though

Wankerchief · 23/08/2021 15:46

All tools are his. He’s a tradie though so has very good expensive tools hes built up for 20+ years.

I can use them though, I just go ransack the van or his tool box.
Only thing he would blanch at and ask to do for me is the specialist tools that literally cost £££’s and are not easily replaced and that’s fair enough really.

Ellabellaboo2020 · 23/08/2021 15:49

I have a tool box in my house and it is all mine my dp is useless with DIY and I quite enjoy it so when we moved into our new home I started building it up…..got all sorts now and if I fancy a wee laugh I pull something out and ask him what it is, if he gets it right he gets control of the tv for the whole night…..it’s mostly my programs that are on when we do that lol 😂

the80sweregreat · 23/08/2021 15:57

Many women I know own power tools etc as a few are single parents and need to do diy etc.
(I'm hopeless myself , but I have used a Phillips
Screwdriver now and again !)

Sausagis · 23/08/2021 15:59

On app so can't vote, but YABU.
I have my own toolbox as I then know everything will be in it. Unlike my husbands!

Etinox · 23/08/2021 15:59

@Socksey

Married 20+ years to a man... tool shed and its contents are mine... I do a the DIY and car stuff etc... he wouldn't know a tool if it walked up to him and slapped him about the face 🙄😔
Hello twin!
MarleneDietrichsSmile · 23/08/2021 16:01

If only

Men are supposed to be more into diy

Yet here it’s another job that falls to me Hmm

Angel2702 · 23/08/2021 16:03

Mostly his, the only tool I ever use from the toolbox is a screwdriver or pliers.

LubaLuca · 23/08/2021 16:04

I have my own small tool bag. My husband doesn't properly put things away in his, and I could waste hours hunting for what I need, so I keep my own small but very useful kit.

speakout · 23/08/2021 16:05

I came into he relationship with more and better tools than my OH.
We now share all the household tools.

maryberryslayers · 23/08/2021 16:08

YABU. DH moved in with an IKEA screwdriver. I brought my full tool kit including multiple power tools.

Treezan82 · 23/08/2021 16:10

YABU we have a shared toolbox

Violet1988 · 23/08/2021 16:12

I lived alone for five years before moving in with DH so had tools. When we got a house together I added my tools to his toolbox. Prior to that they lived in a kitchen drawer so I didn't have a tool box.

IsItWorthTheHassle · 23/08/2021 16:12

I’d love to say I have my own toolbox or that we share one.

What actually happened is that I came with my own toolbox. DH had his. All my tools migrated into his and became ‘his’ Hmm

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