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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say women living with men don't own toolboxes

251 replies

54321nought · 23/08/2021 10:17

straw poll!

I don't really know if this is true, I just want to see what the response is on here!

YABU - I live with a man, and I own a toolbox, or share equal ownership of the household toolbox

YANBU - I live with a man, and the toolbox in our household is his property, or mostly viewed as his property

If you don't live with a man, please don't vote! Although, please comment as much as you like.

This is one YABU that I am hoping to "lose"!

Thank you

OP posts:
lovelybitofsquirrell · 23/08/2021 12:41

When I was single I had a tool box, basic tool, drill hammer saw etc.

When my partner moved in I got rid of it after a while. But he is a tradesman and has really good quality tool and is far better at the diy jobs than me.

GiveMeAUserName123 · 23/08/2021 12:42

It’s his tool box but I use it the most (for work) same with the power tools.

WoMandalorian · 23/08/2021 12:44

Other way round. The toolbox and everything in it is mine! The only DIY my husband will do is on his desktop pc. Building furniture/shelves and anything else that involves the toolbox is my job 😅 he does do plumbing stuff though so I'd say it's a fair trade off.

234Pepperplant · 23/08/2021 12:45

We no more “own” the toolboxes as individuals than the saucepans. Both of us brought little more than a measuring tape and a screwdriver to the marriage. I know where the tools and screws etc are kept, I use the screwdrivers/Allan keys/tape/hammer and he’s not territorial about it but generally DH does the bigger DIY and we get someone in for the ambitious stuff anyway. I’m happy, he’s happy.

youvemademyshitlist · 23/08/2021 12:50

we each had odd tools before we met that now cohabit inside a big plastic box, they are "the tools" and are joint ones.
My in laws bought dh a JCB tool box for his birthday once year (even though we already had everything thats in it Hmm. So that's "his" tool box because it was a specific gift.

Mommabear20 · 23/08/2021 12:57

We both came into our relationship and living together with a tool box so everything is now in a shared larger toolbox

Svalberg · 23/08/2021 13:02

I have a toolbox, plus other assorted tools scattered about the house. I had it before DP and I got together and DP isn't allowed to use any of the tools as he's DIY incompetent

lampygirl · 23/08/2021 13:03

I could open a branch of screwfix with my stock of the Makita back catalogue. I need and use good quality tools for work and also for bike building at home. I think we are both equally practical, but because I use the tools at work, and therefor buy them/have an allowance to buy them etc then they are really mine. If he was a tradesman and I worked in IT I'm sure it would be the other way round.

ThreeWitches · 23/08/2021 13:04

The toolbox is DP's, but we do share it. However, he is the engineer, so most of the DIY is left to him Grin

lampygirl · 23/08/2021 13:06

Also my late mum used to do all the home DIY when I was a kid, and owned the tools. My dad was not of the practical type. She was very excited one year when I wanted a new impact wrench for Christmas

CheeseAndBeans · 23/08/2021 13:09

Me and OH both had tool boxes. Moved in together and accumulated more tools, so bought a bigger toolbox and lumped it all in together. Shared toolbox that we both use.

Skysblue · 23/08/2021 13:14

I live with a man, has been 20yrs. Everytime I buy anything vaguely like a tool - tape measure, screwdriver, even the blimmin allen keys - he swipes it and it disappears off to ‘his’ toolbox which keeps moving around and is always somewhere inconvenient like attic / shed under something heavy.

I literally have to hide my tape measure now. So I wouldn’t invest in any more expensive tools as I know they’ll disappear!

Also wherever I attempt to learn DIY, even just to screw in a hook, he rushes in to say “No no don’t worry let me do it.” Very undermining but it’s become easiest just to let him do it. The few bits I did myself he sneakily undid and then redid to his satisfaction 🙄

So I can see why a lot of women don’t own their own toolbox.

nokidshere · 23/08/2021 13:16

We have 3 Grin

Mine which contains small tools that I might need around the house on a low shelf that I can reach (I'm 5ft 2)

Ours which contains medium sized stuff for indoor jobs but it's on a high shelf and I need DH or DS here to reach it for me (they are both 6ft 6)

And the shed that has tools we don't use so often

I love power tools though.

DPotter · 23/08/2021 13:17

Have my own tool box with more tools than DP has, who is useless at DIY.

annonymousse · 23/08/2021 13:24

I live with a man and we both have our own toolboxes. They do merge at times and he has tool envy of some of my tools 🤣

CantChatNow · 23/08/2021 13:30

I have a tool box, my DH has his own tools and a lot more and better than me, but I like to have my own as well!

TheNoodlesIncident · 23/08/2021 13:50

YABU, we have a combined "tool box" collection, as we both owned our own houses before getting together. In terms of usage, DH is far more competent than me by golden miles, so he tends to do the more complex stuff. He is an engineer of sorts though, but does electrics, gas work, plumbing, boilers, TV and computer repair, building, window fitting, putting in suspended floors, tiling... anything to do with lathes and laser cutters and milling machines. (Our two sheds are full)

Annoyingly though, he tends to use something then put it down without seeing where it lands, so I can be searching for side cutters/scalpel/ball pein hammer/tape measure/digital calipers etc etc and not be able to find the bloody things, it's utterly maddening. He doesn't do it deliberately but his focus is so tight that he can't use something then put it back where he got it from.

I now buy secret tools and stash them away at the bottom of DS's wardrobe, just so I know where at least some things are.

EBearhug · 23/08/2021 13:51

My Victorian great-great-grandmother did wood-carving as a hobby, so I assume she had her own toolbox, too.

SunSeaSurfGin · 23/08/2021 13:52

Yabu

Technically it's his tools but I'm welcome to use a spanner or hammer or whatever if needed he may look at me Hmm and offer to do it instead.

aerosocks · 23/08/2021 13:55

We have three!

Two are mine - some of the tools in the household one belonged to my late dad which I inherited, the rest I have acquired over the years. Another is cutting tools and other gadgets associated with my hobby. The other arrived with DH when he moved in.

WithASpider · 23/08/2021 13:58

We have 3 between us. DH has the big tools (router etc) as he used to fit kitchens. I have the car repair and electric fitting tools. Everything else is shared.
My tool box is currently in my car along with the petrol mower I'm working on.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 23/08/2021 13:59

Can't vote, but if I could it'd be YABU. The toolbox (well, it's a bag) is mine, used to be my dad's, and it's got shared equipment inside, because we've been together 21 years and have collected tools along the way as we've gone from living with parents to student digs to rented flats to our own home. The tools are no more his than the saucepans are mine, everything's both because we both use them. To be fair, and DH would agree, I'm the one who does more DIY because I'm all about the details. If he did it, nothing would be level because he just wouldn't notice or think it worth the effort of getting out the spirit level. He's fab at building flat pack though Grin

Seahawk80 · 23/08/2021 14:42

I can't vote as on app. I think toolbox is mine - or we bought it jointly but I'm certainly the one who uses the tools. If I asked DH to put a picture up or somethi g he'd be baffled!

3scape · 23/08/2021 14:48

My husband has a very substantial tool box (oooeeer etc) but mainly for work. When we moved in together I had the household tools as he did not as he'd been living in a shared house, they all had work tools. Now we are married new ones have been very much ours and are shared. His work tools have their own storage.

Bimblepops · 23/08/2021 15:02

The toolbox in our house is mine, as are the vast majority of the tools. Husband hadn’t really done any DIY before we lived together

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