Inappropriate or not?

[user1465146157]

Has anyone experienced a family member being overly touchy with their children?

An uncle by marriage always hugs my daughters and nieces weirdly close and insists on 'proper' hugs goodbye. Always freaks me out as it's on more than one occasion and in some cases when he will see them again the next day so there's really no need for it. Blood relatives don't do this with them but with him there's always this big deal hello and goodbye involving a close, long hug.

AIBU? I just feel uneasy but no proof it's untoward and I know how serious it would be to say this out loud if it's innocent so I don't know what to do.

The kids are aged 0-5.

Few things I've found odd in recent times include

• insisting on massive hugs twice
• actually saying out loud 'be careful where you touch I don't want to be arrested' during a hug
• volunteering quite loudly to change one of their nappies (just find this odd that a grown man who isn't their dad would be so willing to do this when no one asked him to)
• offering to put on their shoes if leaving the house

Writing this down I'm aware it's not all so bad but I just have a feeling. However also aware I could be overreacting a lot so just wanted thoughts

Thank you

@LittleGwyneth

It might be completely off base, but realistically he's not going to lose anything if you're careful and don't let him be alone with your kids. You might have protected them from abuse, or you might have been over protective, but as long as you're not super obvious about your motives, what possible harm could there be in being careful?

Why should the OP not be super obvious? A few other posters have said similar too. Why do people want to protect this man and his feelings?

Its the female thing isn’t it of being brought up to do as they’re told and not upset anyone.

@loopylindi I agree, I’d be obvious too and loud about it.

Even if this guy had no bad intentions he is overstepping boundaries and needs to be made aware.

I think the op should be obvious...if he is an abuser I think it would be a good thing surely for him to know the op is onto him.

I would get major creepy vibes from this. Probably completely innocent but no harm in being cautious.

Im a great believer in trusting your instinct with this type of thing.

Can I suggest more than not leaving them alone together, I'd be very careful when sitting next to each other/sitting on knees/etc too. My spidey senses went into overdrive reading that.

Wtf????? The nappy thing made me feel ill

Red flags agogo...

Avoid him like plague...

I'd also take other mums in your family into your confidence...

I'm sure you realise OP... But make sure you never EVER leave your kids, if only for a minute, to go to the loo.

A sex assault can happen in the 30 seconds you're in the cloakroom.

Hell, I've worked on at least two CSA cases when a child was digitally penetrated by a 'friendly uncle' (who was always 'so good with kids') when the parents were in the SAME ROOM.

Plenty of these people are enabled by family members... Who just minimise the risk.... Or who just don't want to see it... (they're only play fighting /it's only a hug /he didn't mean to touch her there, anyone can have an accident).

All vomit inducing.

Keep you and yours safe!

And the next time, if you see him, as someone else upthread bare your teeth and snarl, they tend not to target kids whose parents are ' on to them'.

Abusers tend to target kids who don't have helicopter parents.

Eg
They want the kid whose mum is feeling a bit ill and lying on the sofa/ or the dad deep in conversation with his sister , or the parent who is absorbed in responding to a text message/ or or or...

It's so much easier to actually avoid these people rather than put yourself through the agony of dealing with one of these likely groomers.

@shinynewapple21 No I wasn't.
I can recognise these patterns of behaviour as well as the next person. One of my teachers at school was not above us putting our hands in his pockets for sweets!!! not a chance. Father, husband of family friend......We have all become much more conscious of the various forms of abuse, so are ready to call it out whenever it is seen. But I wasn't missing the point. If you want to stop deviant behaviours as well as saying 'No' put alternative strategies in place - ie.face masks to prevent kissing and elbow pumps to avoid hands. Simples