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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Relative has AirBNB and the only way my DC can stay with their grandmother may be for us to book and pay?

115 replies

Winnebaggo · 22/08/2021 17:32

Tricky one. My MIL moved in with DSIL around the start of lockdown. To be fair she helped sister-in-law buy the house that they're now living in. But when she told us she was moving in with her she said there would be a room for us as in myself and husband (her son) and her grandchildren (our DC). Before she moved in with sister-in-law we used to go and see her every holiday and I mean every holiday half term school holidays probably every third or fourth weekend. I know that because of lockdown we haven't been able to see her as much but we discovered that they would not be a room in this house for us to go and stay in. Instead sister-in-law and brother-in-law are Airbnb-big in the two rooms that we were told would be staying in. We found out from mother-in-law they need to Airbnb these rooms in order to pay the mortgage. So that means when we go and stay with my mother-in-law we have to stay in the lounge. It's not enough room for 4 of us to be honest. We can stay in the Airbnb rooms but they have to be not booked ie no paying guests and paying guests get first refusal.
And of course with lockdown and more people staying in the UK it has been booked out which meant they've been able to pay their mortgage etc.
But the thing is my DC haven't seen my grandmother since the end of that major lockdown restrictions ended. The only way to go and stay with their grandmother now is for us to pay the Airbnb fee which is £125 for three rooms because we need to book out 3 rooms.
We thought when mother-in-law moved we would have some space to stay there but the thing is we are also trying to make a living to paying 125 actually 250 for two nights to go and see their grandmother it just seems wrong somehow how can I sort the situation?

I know they have to make money and they have a large mortgage - but at the same time I feel really frustrated.

OP posts:

Lurkerlot · 22/08/2021 20:51

Have MiL stay with you, she’d probably appreciate a break from all the guests

3Br1tnee · 22/08/2021 21:03

Did you post about this when mil and sil were planning on buying op? This scenario is familiar.

DysmalRadius · 22/08/2021 21:04

How does your MIL feel about the situation?

3Br1tnee · 22/08/2021 21:05

How often do the other lot of family stay? Maybe sil thinks you're an entitled CF, putting on mil every holiday plus weekends.

Farwest · 22/08/2021 21:06

OK, so you don't want to pay for accommodation, because you feel tricked, and you feel BIL and SIL are being grabby, refusing to give up 2 nights rental income to let you stay. They are rather tastelessly planning to charge you to stay in their home. I get why you are annoyed.

But, is a hotel actually unaffordable for you? It is really common for people to need to pay for a place to stay when visiting family.

Also, 2 hours each way is a do-able day trip, so you could go see her for a long lunch and drive home.

You feel angry with BIL and SIL and you have good reasons for that. But you are turning that into an excuse not to see your husband's mother.

thebeatingofthedrums · 22/08/2021 21:08

It sounds like SIL and BIL have overstretched themselves financially, and they can't afford to host you, which is fine.

I don't see how you can stay in the lounge if there are paying airBnB guests there - SIL and BIL would get a shit review in that scenario, for the overcrowding!

£250 for two nights for 4 people isn't terrible, TBH. I'm not sure if you'd get much of a better rate staying elsewhere. So, if the cost is too high, I think you need to persuade your DM to come visit you instead. She might prefer to be visited than to visit, but it doesn't sound like her current living situations allow her to host family. If she really wants to see the grandkids, she'll make the journey.

thebeatingofthedrums · 22/08/2021 21:09

** Sorry, I meant your OH's DM, so MIL. Typo!

NoSquirrels · 22/08/2021 21:10

I’m sorry you can no longer stay with your MIL, that your husband can’t stay with his mum/your children can’t stay with their grandmother.

But loads of people are in this position. And it’s now ‘going to stay with SIL and BIL’ not ‘going to stay with MIL’.

You just do things differently now. That previous period of your lives is over now MIL’s living situation has changed.

CrystalMaisie · 22/08/2021 21:10

We visit family 2 hours away, we go there and back in a day.
Staying in a travel lodge or similar near by might be cheaper than staying with sil and added bonus of having your own space.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/08/2021 21:14

If it is a seaside town and much needed income towards a mortgage they probably can't afford to let you stay peak time every time for free.
Invite MIL.

Bananarama21 · 22/08/2021 21:23

2 hours is a day trip op, the amount of visits where you stayed with mil is quite alot especially at peak times.I'd find it intrusive if I were sil it's there home its totally different hosting guests than renting a bedroom out. Many family's visit grandparents and have to book holidays or b and bs its fairly common. With covid aswell I can imagine the financial impact that they might have had to hire the spare bedrooms out its been a tough 18months.

AfternoonToffee · 22/08/2021 21:32

Only on MN is it entitled to want to visit family. Does it make posters feel better to tell the OP that she isn't wanted by family? That she had been Wendied? That the family are sick of her visiting? That other families members can visit when they like but the OP should just suck it up?

When I go and visit my parents we either stay at the house (dh and I on the sofa bed in the lounge) or have to stop at the Premier Inn if my sister is stopping (or in covid times) it is what it is. We are now at the stage of needing to book 2 rooms (5 of us) but book early enough and you can often get the cheaper rooms. It works ok, but it is something we were always aware that would need to be done.

I agree with a pp that this seems a familiar set up, and was a concern in an earlier post - so either the op's concerns have come true or if it is a different op then they are probably right to be concerned.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 22/08/2021 21:48

Why aren't you jumping with joy that you no longer have to spend every holiday in the same place? Maybe now you'll get to spend time together as a nuclear family!

Kisskiss · 22/08/2021 21:50

It’s your SIL/BIL house and tbh it’s up to them whether you and your family can stay and take up 3 rooms whenever you please. Just be upfront and get your husband to tell his mum he can’t afford 250 quid a visit, and invite Mil to yours instead.

Goldbar · 22/08/2021 21:51

It’s your SIL/BIL house

It's also MIL's house.

Kisskiss · 22/08/2021 21:51

Ps: if my PIL moved in with me permanently, I’m not sure how thrilled I would be to also have my SILs and their families staying over every holiday.. that’s a lot of in laws

Kisskiss · 22/08/2021 21:54

@Goldbar

It’s your SIL/BIL house

It's also MIL's house.

We don’t know how much MIL contributed.. it could be so small an amount it passes off as rent! Anyway if she’s living with them it likely means they will be providing care when she does eventually need it..

callmeadoctor · 22/08/2021 22:00

Stick a tent in garden?

saraclara · 22/08/2021 22:00

we used to go and see her every holiday and I mean every holiday half term school holidays probably every third or fourth weekend.

How long would you normally stay for, OP?

if my PIL moved in with me permanently, I’m not sure how thrilled I would be to also have my SILs and their families staying over every holiday.. that’s a lot of in laws

If you stay more than a night or two, I think that's a fair point. Four of you staying once a month is, even for a night, is a big ask of the SIL and BIL. And if you stay multiple nights in each of the six holidays, it's an even bigger imposition, and way too much to ask them to take the holiday lets off the books.

Twillow · 22/08/2021 22:00

I'd be upset too and \i wouldn't expect to pay to stay with relatives, just as I wouldn't charge them to stay with me!
If you run airbnb you can block out unavailable dates. Obviously school holidays are going to be more in demand so maybe YABU if you expect to stay every holiday but I definitely think they're being unreasonable not to come to some agreement over dates you can use these rooms without paying.

diddl · 22/08/2021 22:03

All this fuss & they are only 2hs away!!

Goldbar · 22/08/2021 22:09

@Kisskiss. However much or little MIL contributed, she should be allowed to have visitors to stay in her own home. Perhaps not as frequently as the OP and her family were staying before, but certainly sometimes.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/08/2021 22:10

It is a big ask when they're losing cash tenants too.
Did MIL move in for company during lockdown? Did she give up her home?

Frodogo · 22/08/2021 22:11

I'd look at every other option available and refuse to rent out their airbnb room, on priciple. Ridiculous to not afford close family a free stay for a few nights/a week or so, when MIL is living with them. I feel sorry for MIL!

If MIL can stay with you and would like to do so, that might be best. It's four hours of driving for you, but at least you can be comfortable in your own home. Either that or find another place to sleep, if the lounge is too cramped.

SharpLily · 22/08/2021 22:16

No-one seems to have asked MiL how she feels about losing so much contact with half her family...

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