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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Relative has AirBNB and the only way my DC can stay with their grandmother may be for us to book and pay?

115 replies

Winnebaggo · 22/08/2021 17:32

Tricky one. My MIL moved in with DSIL around the start of lockdown. To be fair she helped sister-in-law buy the house that they're now living in. But when she told us she was moving in with her she said there would be a room for us as in myself and husband (her son) and her grandchildren (our DC). Before she moved in with sister-in-law we used to go and see her every holiday and I mean every holiday half term school holidays probably every third or fourth weekend. I know that because of lockdown we haven't been able to see her as much but we discovered that they would not be a room in this house for us to go and stay in. Instead sister-in-law and brother-in-law are Airbnb-big in the two rooms that we were told would be staying in. We found out from mother-in-law they need to Airbnb these rooms in order to pay the mortgage. So that means when we go and stay with my mother-in-law we have to stay in the lounge. It's not enough room for 4 of us to be honest. We can stay in the Airbnb rooms but they have to be not booked ie no paying guests and paying guests get first refusal.
And of course with lockdown and more people staying in the UK it has been booked out which meant they've been able to pay their mortgage etc.
But the thing is my DC haven't seen my grandmother since the end of that major lockdown restrictions ended. The only way to go and stay with their grandmother now is for us to pay the Airbnb fee which is £125 for three rooms because we need to book out 3 rooms.
We thought when mother-in-law moved we would have some space to stay there but the thing is we are also trying to make a living to paying 125 actually 250 for two nights to go and see their grandmother it just seems wrong somehow how can I sort the situation?

I know they have to make money and they have a large mortgage - but at the same time I feel really frustrated.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 22/08/2021 18:27

The OP isn't asking that the rooms be kept empty for her so stop making shit up. She injects to having to pay to stay in the house and I can't say I blame her.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 22/08/2021 18:28

I find this super weird
We can stay in the Airbnb rooms but they have to be not booked ie no paying guests and paying guests get first refusal.

You are the paying guests. why does your husband have to wait until after everyone else in the world to be afforded the privilege to be allowed to book amd pay to see his own mother?!?!?

I think your SIL really doesn't want you there.

I also think the i can't pay mortgage without you paying to stay is total BS.

You aren't even allowed to book unless no one else wants it ie You are paying when they would have had a void/no income anyway

QueenBee52 · 22/08/2021 18:35

@SunshineCake

The OP isn't asking that the rooms be kept empty for her so stop making shit up. She injects to having to pay to stay in the house and I can't say I blame her.

She injects ? 🤣

Interesting 🤔

MagnoliaBeige · 22/08/2021 18:38

I hesitate to say this but given the obstacles being put in place, is it possible your MIL found the frequency of your visits too much and she and your SIL are trying to gently reduce them? Staying with them EVERY holiday plus weekends too is a lot.

pinkflask · 22/08/2021 18:39

But OP doesn’t have to pay to stay in the house - they can stay in the lounge for free.

Plenty of people need to sleep in the lounge at ILs and if they wanted three rooms for their family they’d need to book an Airbnb anyway!

LynseyLoses · 22/08/2021 18:43

@Notaroadrunner

Lots of grandparents don't have room to accommodate family. We don't have space to accommodate family so they stay in a hotel or Airbnb. It's a shame MIL made promises she can't keep but you need to accept that they need to make money to pay their bills. Can you not just find cheaper accommodation nearby or invite MIL to come to your house?
Yes, I think this too.

We are going to see family soon and not staying with them. When my family comes to visit us, they don't stay with us. It's absolutely the norm in our family to stay in a hotel or Air BnB.

I can't remember the last time I slept in my PILs house either.

Bythemillpond · 22/08/2021 18:48

If your brother and sil couldn’t afford the house without a cash injection from your mother and can’t afford to run the house without renting the rooms out. It sounds like they have bitten off more than they can chew.

StormyTeacups · 22/08/2021 18:56

How far away are they? I'm sure it is frustrating, but you don't really have any right to a room.

I remember a similar thread, but it was a father being pressured to buy with a sister who rarely saw him and her partner who didn't like him?

mumwon · 22/08/2021 19:03

camp in their back garden?

QueenBee52 · 22/08/2021 19:04

@Bythemillpond

If your brother and sil couldn’t afford the house without a cash injection from your mother and can’t afford to run the house without renting the rooms out. It sounds like they have bitten off more than they can chew.

will the mortgage be paid off in the event of MIL's death

bellabasset · 22/08/2021 19:05

I'm reading this that the Airbnb is 3 rooms, maybe a sitting room and bedrooms in a separate part of the house. As other posters have said not everyone has room for family to stay. But if my MIL had funded the deposit for a house in return for accommodation and use of spare rooms I would have concerns that she had been taken advantage of. Is she funding part of their mortgage also.

I would mention this to my dh, perhaps going to visit MIL with myself and the dcs staying in a Travel Lodge and dh staying with his dsis so he can ensure she's not taking advantage of MIL.

Brown76 · 22/08/2021 19:08

I think that’s unreasonable. You’ve got a mortgage or rent to pay to. If your MIL is part owner (is she?) surely she can have use of the room for her guests to stay for free a few times a year.

pinkcircustop · 22/08/2021 19:09

YABU to expect them to keep rooms free just for when you want to go and stay.

MIL either comes to yours, you pay the airbnb price or you find somewhere else to stay.

saraclara · 22/08/2021 19:13

Hmm. To be entirely fair, it's SIL's house, not MIL's. Obviously, we don't know how much help MIL gave in order for them to buy it, but she's getting the benefit of living in it, so that seems fair enough however much it was. Especially if eventually she's going to be cared fro my SIL.

So yep, though she thought the rooms would be available, it turns out they're not. So you'll have to do what the rest of us do, and bunk up in the living room or book somewhere cheap nearby.

It's disappointing, I get that. But when you actually pick it apart, it's not unfair.

cansu · 22/08/2021 19:14

I would have expected them to save some space for family for a few weeks!

catmg · 22/08/2021 19:20

I'm sure Air BnB has a function where owners can mark their rooms as not available on chosen dates. Your BIL can do this so it takes away the suggestion that if an Air BnB booking comes through that takes precedence over you.
Surely they don't need the Air BnB to be fully booked all the time to be able to pay their mortgage in any event?

Winnebaggo · 22/08/2021 19:23

Hi they are 2 hours drive away. MIL very much wanted us there. DH and I did lots of cooking - lots of DIY around the house they used to have. My DC are older than SIL's so they've grown up being used to seeing her. To be fair we also used to 'base ourselves' with them and go out a lot so we didn't get under their feet.
My MIL wouldn't be one to tell us if she wanted us to stay...

OP posts:
Croprotationinthe14thcentury · 22/08/2021 19:25

Why doesn't mil come to you for a couple of days?

Snoken · 22/08/2021 19:27

It kind of sounds like you have been using your MILs home as free holiday accommodation and that you are now annoyed that she can’t afford to not rent the rooms out instead. You should invite her to come and stay with you instead, she has hosted you every school holiday plus a weekend every year for years.

drpet49 · 22/08/2021 19:30

** You are the paying guests. why does your husband have to wait until after everyone else in the world to be afforded the privilege to be allowed to book amd pay to see his own mother?!?!?

I think your SIL really doesn't want you there.**

^This

Winnebaggo · 22/08/2021 19:38

I think we're not wanted there. The people who've said about 'free accommodation' MIL and FIL did come to stay with us a lot (we would even go and pick them up) so when I say every holiday - some were them coming to us; just that MIL preferred to be in her own home.
DH did lots of cooking for them and helped all kinds of things. SIL doesn't really drive now - so we have gone and picked her up. But we have had lockdown...

OP posts:
Winnebaggo · 22/08/2021 19:38

To put it into context BIL's family can stay whenever they like x

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 22/08/2021 19:40

is your Husband fully aware of what MIL's financial set up is regards the Share in this house..

the reason I ask, is that on death, does part of the house become Your and DH's? and if it's operating as a business too.. then are you entitled to this share also? Have these questions been asked?

Just a thought .. as to why SIL is making things 'awkward' for you guys to visit, y'know ? 🤔

Maybe Im over thinking it.. 😬

Croprotationinthe14thcentury · 22/08/2021 19:41

I would just go for the day.....2 hours each way is not that far

Goldbar · 22/08/2021 19:45

I feel sorry for your MIL. It sounds like a very busy house. SIL and family, MIL and any random Airbnb guests who happen to be staying. And then you in the lounge when you come to stay. Do they/you have to share bathrooms with the guests? Sounds a bit grim.

Tbh, in your shoes I wouldn't be wasting my holidays and putting my DC through that. I'd go for quality of visits over quantity. So invite MIL to yours or book your own self-catering place nearby, even if you see her less frequently. Doesn't sound like SIL wants you there and it must be awful feeling like spare parts and having to tippy toe round paying guests.