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Original poster

To ask if you think he's too old

93 replies

Takeitback99 · 22/08/2021 15:26

I'm 32 he's almost 48.
Get on well.
Spoke for over a year and have started meeting up to spend time with eachother etc.
Just told my sister today that he's a good friend but we are close and I am enjoying getting to know him. Said he was in his 40s.

She's gone online and said yeah and nearly out if them. Find yourself a toyboy etc. She's making me feel uncomfortable as I really like him and this has already made me feel like he isn't going to slot into my life how I hoped.

Is he too old for me? It seems that extra 3 or 4 years is making eyebrows raise.

OP posts:
MoiraNotRuby · 22/08/2021 15:31

Yes I do think that is too old. Only because my experience of men in their 50s is pretty negative and I wouldn't wish it on a 30 something.

Longestsummerever23444 · 22/08/2021 15:33

No I don’t think It is at all, but you have to make sure you are on the same path. Do you want marriage and children?

Has he had kids before? Married before….

Chloemol · 22/08/2021 15:33

No it’s not too old. If you like him, then carry on, don’t worry about what your sister thinks

Whinge · 22/08/2021 15:34

For me it would be too old.

However, this is your life and I would hate for you to make a decision you may later regret, based on the opinions of others on the internet.

Longestsummerever23444 · 22/08/2021 15:35

My DH is 9 years older than me, I was early 20s he was early 30s, I made sure that he knew from the offset that marriage and children were on the horizon for me.

He had been married and had a child, if he hadn’t wanted marriage nor children then it wouldn’t have been for me

TheAverageUser · 22/08/2021 15:36

I think it provides challenges that someone your own age wouldn't because you're at different times in your lives. Does he want kids and marriage etc ..?

Thadhiya · 22/08/2021 15:36

Even if the relationship is nice, your outlook and goals can be different. You're 32 and just getting started. Men at that age just bang on about retirement all the time, or sigh at how 'juvenile' or 'immature' everything you like is. It gets really boring really fast.

girlmom21 · 22/08/2021 15:36

It depends what you're looking for, to be honest. Kids and a family? Maybe he's too old.

Anything else? Definitely not.

There are 10 years between DP and I and it definitely doesn't feel that way.

Zarene · 22/08/2021 15:37

I know people for whom it has been very difficult. First difficult for the older DH to keep up with tiny children, then difficult for the younger wife to look after an ailing H.

It’s certainly not something I’d choose.

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 22/08/2021 15:37

Very much depends, as PPs have said, what you're looking for?

Fun?
Travel?
Children?

In 12 years time, you'll be 44 - he will be 60.

Wouldn't be for me but it takes all sorts.

Anonymous48 · 22/08/2021 15:38

@Takeitback99
She's gone online and said yeah and nearly out if them.

I don't know what this means.

girlmom21 · 22/08/2021 15:39

[quote Anonymous48]@Takeitback99
She's gone online and said yeah and nearly out if them.

I don't know what this means.[/quote]
OP said he's in his 40s and DSis is saying that he's almost out of his 40s, because he looks his age

Usernameisgone · 22/08/2021 15:40

Are you happy?
Do u see him fitting into your life?
Do you want the same things?

I am a few years older than you at (34) my partner is 55. We are very happy and our lives work well together we both want the same things an have similar values.

PearlyBird · 22/08/2021 15:40

Well, is he definitely "only" 48?

So many men lie about their age on line to get much younger women.

If you do go out with him, with this age gap, EVERYTHING else should be right.

But i get the impression you've only met in real life a couple of times

dozydoo · 22/08/2021 15:41

I'm 33, dh is 48, we've been together 15 years, so I think if you get on and like each other, no, he's not too old.

Bawse · 22/08/2021 15:42

Only you can decide if he’s too old for you or not!

I think it’s fine on the face of it.

I would probably just bear in mind how this might play out longer term.

32 and 48 might not feel so different at the moment.

But you both might want different lifestyles not too far down the line.

He will be considering retirement in the next 15 years. When you are 55 he will be 71.

Your retirement might be spent nursing someone who is already well into their later years. Women of the same age are less likely to die. So there is increased risk of becoming a widow in early old age.

How about kids? Would you both be on the same page?

All probably seems a bit premature if you’re not even dating yet, but worth considering before you embark on something serious and potentially wasting a lot of time and emotion on something unviable.

SummaLuvin · 22/08/2021 15:43

Are her comments based purely on her perception of the age gap, or because of real factors that will make you incompatible either now or in the next 5-10 years?

There is nothing inherently wrong with the age gap, you are both adults and it can definitely work. But there might be a difference in where you see your life going, and as others have said, his age will slow him down around a decade before you, are you ok with this?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2021 15:44

If you want children, I would be ending this now, sorry.

Middersweekly · 22/08/2021 15:44

I think this really depends on both of your wants and needs as far as a relationship goes. If you would like DC and he’s been there and done that with adult children then no, this would not be a good fit. If neither of you want DC great. If you both do then great. Unfortunately getting on with someone well isn’t where the problems will unfold. Personally for me it would be a no but you’re an adult with your own mind and if you’re happy then that’s what matters most.

teaandcrumpets35 · 22/08/2021 15:45

Definitely not too old. My dh and I are similar ages. We are married with a baby on the way and get on amazingly. Different tastes in music and other things but in the grand scheme of things, does that matter?

Unless you are on different paths and want different things, it really doesn't make a difference. And that's true of all relationships. My dh will be an older dad but with that comes more life experience, wisdom and stability.

CiderIsCosy · 22/08/2021 15:55

Well you don’t know until you give it a try.

You might be very happy together. Keep an open mind but bear in mind he might be winding down into retirement in just 7 years time whereas you won’t even have reached middle age.

FabianK · 22/08/2021 16:10

@dozydoo

I'm 33, dh is 48, we've been together 15 years, so I think if you get on and like each other, no, he's not too old.
An 18 and a 33 year old getting together Confused
Anonymous48 · 22/08/2021 16:12

@girlmom21 I don't know how you managed to decipher that!

Esspee · 22/08/2021 16:14

There were 16 years between me and my husband. Never mattered at all but he did die before me so perhaps that needs to be taken into consideration.

helpfulperson · 22/08/2021 16:15

I don't understand this obsession with possibly having to nurse him when he's old. Surely it's better to dotgatqhwnyou are younger and more able that trying to nurse an 80 year old when you are in your 80's yourself. Or you might be ill and he will need to nurse you.

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