To not dictate my DCs clothing?

[HavanaGoodTime]

We went out as a family yesterday. I generally let the DC chose their own clothes with obvious exceptions (no floaty party dresses to go climbing trees for example)

Yesterday we were out in a town centre. DDs (9 and 6) were ‘dressed up’ in matching floaty dresses, matching hair styles and sparkly shoes - all their choice. DS1 (11) was in clashing red jogger shorts, faded orange t-shirt that is a bit small and trainers - Playing in the garden quality clothes. DS2 (9) was wearing dark joggers with his fave sports team top (it’s new and very smart looking).

DH thinks we should have made DS1 change as he looked scruffy and made DDs change as they were overdressed. He feels people may look at us and judge us - maybe that we neglect DS1 while pandering/spoiling DDs.

I feel that as long as the clothing is ‘safe’ for the activity then they should be allowed to wear what they want?

If relevant DH and I were both casually dressed, jeans and tops.

So what would you think if you saw my DC dressed like this? Am I unreasonable to not make my DC dress ‘appropriately’.

Generally if say not, but as they get older they will need a bit of guidance as to what is and isn't socially appropriate or else they risk embarrassment.

I remember as a pre-teen wearing my choice of clothes into school on a non-uniform day. It was not a good look and I did not have a good day. I wish my mum had (gently) put her foot down.

As a random in the street if I saw your daughters probably looking adorable in matching dresses and sparkly shoes I would just smile and remember loving floaty dresses and sparkly shoes myself at their age (and still now if I'm honest).
Don't think I'd notice what the rest of the family were wearing.

I’d probably ask the girls to change as they sound a tad over dressed and those little party shoes are not comfortable to walk in. The boys outfits sound ok though.

I think it doesn't matter what people you don't know think if they see you on the street.
What matters is that you decide what fights to have with your kids. I personally would view it as a massive waste of stress to argue about clothes as long as safe for weather and covered.

Honestly, I’d probably think your family looked like a sentient jumble sale, for the split second you caught my attention. After that I’d have forgotten all about you - so I really wouldn’t bother yourselves worrying about what strangers might think, because it really isn’t going to be very much or very hard.

I'd have got DS1 to change. If the clothes were playing in the garden and too small, then they aren't appropriate for a trip into town and food out. I only judge how girls are dressed if it stops play, or young children are expected to stay clean.

If I noticed at all I'd probably think DS2 was a friend rather than family member, on the basis that most families do tend to adopt more uniformed dress styles , or possibly that they had been to a previous activity where old clothes were a sensible choice. I certainly wouldn't be assuming some Cinderella scenario, and most likely I'd not give it a thought. People notice us a lot less than we think. Though your identically dressed up DDs may have drawn some attention I suppose.

Sorry I meant DS1.

I'm on the fence.

On one hand: who cares, what clothing looks like shouldn't matter as long as it's weather/activity appropriate. My (nearly) 3 year old wears some peculiar combinations sometimes!

On the other hand: it's possibly a good idea to start promoting a sense of self respect and presentable dressing for outside the home (would you approve of your sons outfit if he was 21? 31? At some point he'll need some guidance... same goes for choosing occasion appropriate dresses!). I don't wear my oldest cleaning/gardening clothes out and about, for example... But then again, your children are young, why shouldn't they wear favourite T-shirts, dresses and sparkly shoes while they can?!

Honestly though, if I saw your family walking down the street, I wouldn't judge beyond an internal smile and the assumption that they probably dressed themselves that day.

I let my dc dress themselves. I did ask Ds to put joggers on once as we were going to walk the dog and he had shorts on (was November).

He trotted upstairs. Came down with joggers under his shorts. Refused point blank to change as it didn't bother him that he was dressed that way (he was 8)

So we walked the dog through the village with him wearing shorts over joggers. Bothers me none

Well, if dh felt that strongly, he should have just cracked on and had the conversation with them.

Why did he bring it up with you? Are they your responsibility?

I probably wouldn't notice anything strange. In fact without looking down, I can't really remember what I'm wearing myself today!

If I was purpose people-watching I'd probably think your DDs were on their way to a party.

YABU. Children should be appropriately dressed and look smart. This doesn’t mean their “best” clothes, but clothes they are clean, fit well and match.

They are too young to take pride in their appearance so you need to do it for them. It’s part of your role as a parent.

I'd probably assume the girls were on their way to, or just back from a party tbh.

I let my son dress himself, the only real rules are clean clothes (not dragged from the washing basket) and he must wear both a top, bottom and socks unless he wears sandals.

They only thing I'm bothered about is clothes being scruffy and tatty. So I would have out my foot down on the t-shirt being too small. Personally, I would have discreetly removed it from circulation if it doesn't fit. The rest of the time I let my kids wear what they want as long as its appropriate for the weather conditions.

It's all about choosing your battles and letting then be an individual.

I've done the school run with a toddler dressed up as spiderman before now.

@pinkcircustop completely agree.
Clothes should be appropriate for the circumstances.

I let my kids choose their own clothes (5 and 7) and have done for years. Sometimes they look a bit crazy, mainly my DD, but overall i leave them to it. A floaty party dress on a cold day.. I'd just insist leggings and long sleeve tshirt under it.

Agree with a pp about the shoes, party shoes aren't usually good for walking but if they were comfortable then so what. I wouldn't think twice if i say you all out walking together.

@pinkcircustop

YABU. Children should be appropriately dressed and look smart. This doesn’t mean their “best” clothes, but clothes they are clean, fit well and match.

They are too young to take pride in their appearance so you need to do it for them. It’s part of your role as a parent.

I don't agree with you on 'matching'. What matches or looks good together to one person, does not to another.

It’s all personal choice.

I try to teach my DC about appropriate outfits, matching, not clashing prints and colours. Because who else will teach them if I let them wear what they want?

In the house they’re free to wear PJs or any clothes or their choice.

For going out I like them to wear clothes that fit well, don’t clash, are appropriate for the weather and occasion, and have no holes or stains. I help them out outfits together and they seem to enjoy it, like a puzzle!

I think dressing well is an important life skill. Sure they’ll go wild and experiment with clothing as teenagers, but I want them to have the basic knowledge for when that phase passes.

I don't think I'd really notice. I might smile at 2 DDs in dress up clothes.
My DS2 (14) often wears clashing clothes. He likes the style and it's deliberate. Other days he might wear a waist coat. He's always been conscious of his clothes.
The only time I intervene is if we're going somewhere smart and they choose something grubby/doesn't fit, holey etc.

I think let them wear what they want. They have plenty of time to start worrying what other people think when they're older. They will develop their own sense of style which will either be to look like all their friends or to look as different as possible from all their friends

DS1 is 13 and mostly wears whatever falls out of his wardrobe first. He's starting to care a little bit about his appearance, but mostly he likes comfort over style and gives little thought as to whether his clothes match. He rarely requests any type of clothing beyond trainers with Velcro (difficult to find for size 8 feet!), 'comfy bottoms' (joggers!) and the odd gaming themed t-shirt.

DS2 is 9 and very fussy about what he wears. No t-shirts with decorative pockets ('what's this pocket actually FOR?'), no stripes and no jeans. Sometimes I grab something for him to wear if we're in a hurry and he goes and changes some element of the outfit. DS1 has never done this!

If you can't dress up to go shopping when you're 6, when can you?! I agree with you, as long as it isn't completely inappropriate (and they need to be wearing shoes they can walk in) then they can wear what they like.

My two drew on their eyebrows with red lipstick the other day. Took two little Frida Kahlo lookalikes to their opticians appointment!

I’d think you were doing an awesome job by letting your children choose their own clothes! Might be a good opportunity for your husband to examine why he’s so concerned about what other people think and being “judged”. Teaching children to change their lives based on what they imagine what other people may or may not be thinking isn’t very constructive. It can be really restrictive. Tbh, if anyone thought I was failing my children because one of them was wearing a t-shirt that was a bit small I really wouldn’t give a toss as there are so many other things to worry about in the world. Do people really have nothing else to worry about?

I'm in your camp OP ♥️ I love to see children with their own sense of style.