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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think husband should help daughter move flat?

92 replies

bannanaskin · 21/08/2021 17:30

Our middle dd is at university and is moving from halls into a privately rented place with some friends. She’s been home over the summer as moved out of halls in June.

Since she signed for the new house with her friends, back in April, we knew that the move in day was Thursday. She’s mentioned this numerous times, and we agreed we’d take her and all her stuff back to her uni city on that day.

Previously they were all in the same catered halls, and so didn’t own any kitchen stuff. Dd has been responsible for buying all of this as we have the room to store it at home before move in. Obviously the other students are paying for it too, we just have it here.

She is the lead tenant, and so she needs to be the one to go and collect the keys. She’s an organised girl and has an appointment booked for 1pm to get the keys.

Her other flatmates are from abroad, and extended their stay in halls to Thursday and so are moving out of one place straight into the other.

Now just a few days before move in, my husband has announced that he can’t do Thursday as he is going to watch a football match.

AIBU to think he is being selfish, and as this has been in the calendar for months, that he can forgo one of his many football matches? He argues that she can go up by train and he will take her stuff up separately, the next day. She’s not happy as she was excited about moving in an decorating, plus we have all the kitchen stuff and bedding here. I’ve told dh that he can pay for her train fair.

OP posts:
Oldbutstillgotit · 21/08/2021 17:31

Why can’t you take her ?

Wombat64 · 21/08/2021 17:33

I took myself off to halls on a train but she'll need bedding, etc.

That's so miserable.

Take her yourself.

Howshouldibehave · 21/08/2021 17:33

Can’t you still help her?

Whinge · 21/08/2021 17:33

He needs to honour his original agreement with her.

Don't discuss trains, as it shouldn't even be a suggestion. He takes her as agreed, if he misses the football match then tough.

thefourgp · 21/08/2021 17:34

He’s a selfish ass. He should be able taking her on the day as agreed. Is he always like this?

Canigooutyet · 21/08/2021 17:34

She might face further disappointment in terms of redecorating. Not that many ll's allow this.

Lumpwoody · 21/08/2021 17:35

Can you take her? Or a grandparent?

Nextchapterofmybook · 21/08/2021 17:36

Yes it’s pretty shit

MatildaTheCat · 21/08/2021 17:36

He’s arranged to help her so needs to do it or arrange a substitute. Very poor behaviour

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 21/08/2021 17:36

What on earth sort of example does that set your daughter OP? Your DH is being a really selfish twat, and showing her that if at some point in the future she makes arrangements to do something, it's OK to just drop someone if she gets a better offer! I'd be fuming in your place, and hoping that if he goes ahead with this plan, the next time he expects her to do something for him, she lets him down!

AlmostSummer21 · 21/08/2021 17:36

What an arse. Does he often let you/the kids down? Selfish Git

GemmaRuby · 21/08/2021 17:36

Can you take her without DH?
From your DD’s perspective I would be really upset if my dad did this… it’s a bit of a tricky phase, transitioning into being an adult but still needing the support of your parents.

bannanaskin · 21/08/2021 17:42

Yes, he’s done things like this before. He takes the view that now she’s over 18 she can sort herself out. (He lived at home until he was 23 and then went to uni..)

Sadly I can’t driver her, wish I could. I recently had a major operation so not allowed to drive for months. Sad

If the plan was always to go by train, she’d have sorted things differently.

OP posts:
DancesWithTortoises · 21/08/2021 17:44

What a horrible man.

Whinge · 21/08/2021 17:46

Sadly I can’t driver her, wish I could. I recently had a major operation so not allowed to drive for months.

What an absolute piece of shit. Bailing on his daughter at the last minute, knowing the only other option is the train. Please don't tell him to pay train fare, he will see it as an easy get out.

He needs to take her, and if he objects tell him his actions show he cares more about football than honouring his agreement with his daughter.

MadMadMadamMim · 21/08/2021 17:47

Yes, he’s done things like this before.

Then he's a fucking rude arsehole. Once you've agreed to help someone move home, or made a commitment of any sort, you don't drop it because something you'd rather do pops up.

Does he have no manners? Would he like it if someone behaved like this towards him - over something he considered important (like a house move)?

He's utterly obnoxious.

RampantIvy · 21/08/2021 17:49

That's monumentally selfish of him. Why can't he miss just one match? I hope his team loses.

Is it possible for you to take her?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/08/2021 17:50

He should take her, of course he should, but it seems quite common from MN posts that once 18 you are left to sort everything yourself m finance yourself and find your own living place. You’d think he would think differently staying home after 18.

DroopyClematis · 21/08/2021 17:51

He sounds very selfish.
We've moved our children, while at uni, for a number of years.
It's exhausting.

I can't believe your husband isn't helping, given that you can't drive.

DismantledKing · 21/08/2021 17:52

He’s awful

Wombat64 · 21/08/2021 17:53

I'd probably see if you can get a courier to arrive the same day. Shipley?

So, so bad tho. How to make someone feel like you have no love or care for them. I thought I had it bad as a student but this takes the biscuit.

crumpet · 21/08/2021 17:53

If the original deal was that he’d take her, the he’s an arse for dropping her in it at the last minute.

hellcatspangle · 21/08/2021 17:53

He's an arse. I've helped both my dc move in and out of (lots of) houses and I wouldn't dream of cancelling for a football match. Do you have any friends who'd help out if you paid the petrol?

Thatnameistaken · 21/08/2021 17:54

What a shit dad! That's so mean changing the whole plan last minute.
She's now learnt that he cares more about football than her, that her happiness isn't important to him and that he will let her down. She'll remember this for the rest of his days.

Nobloat21 · 21/08/2021 17:56

What a horrible dad. I thought you were going to say he had to work or something.

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