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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think husband should help daughter move flat?

92 replies

bannanaskin · 21/08/2021 17:30

Our middle dd is at university and is moving from halls into a privately rented place with some friends. She’s been home over the summer as moved out of halls in June.

Since she signed for the new house with her friends, back in April, we knew that the move in day was Thursday. She’s mentioned this numerous times, and we agreed we’d take her and all her stuff back to her uni city on that day.

Previously they were all in the same catered halls, and so didn’t own any kitchen stuff. Dd has been responsible for buying all of this as we have the room to store it at home before move in. Obviously the other students are paying for it too, we just have it here.

She is the lead tenant, and so she needs to be the one to go and collect the keys. She’s an organised girl and has an appointment booked for 1pm to get the keys.

Her other flatmates are from abroad, and extended their stay in halls to Thursday and so are moving out of one place straight into the other.

Now just a few days before move in, my husband has announced that he can’t do Thursday as he is going to watch a football match.

AIBU to think he is being selfish, and as this has been in the calendar for months, that he can forgo one of his many football matches? He argues that she can go up by train and he will take her stuff up separately, the next day. She’s not happy as she was excited about moving in an decorating, plus we have all the kitchen stuff and bedding here. I’ve told dh that he can pay for her train fair.

OP posts:

CocktailOnion · 21/08/2021 17:58

What a bumhole! That's really bad form!
Could you (her dad) pay for her to hire a person with a van to move her stuff on Thursday?

ejhhhhh · 21/08/2021 18:00

Your DH husband is an arse. It's pretty shitty behaviour to arrange to help anyone with something, even more shitty that it's your DD, then cancel to watch a football match. I'm sure she feels really supported by her father, NOT! Even as adults (and she's still only a teenager ffs) we all still need our the help and support of friends and family every now and again, and it's particularly to cancel when it's already been agreed to.

RedToothBrush · 21/08/2021 18:00

Why do you tolerate this and not go completely ballistic and destroy his sodding football tickets?

Canigooutyet · 21/08/2021 18:02

What is wrong with him doing both? Not like football matches start during the day. Does he need to rest all day until the 7:30 kick off?

SirGawain · 21/08/2021 18:12

He’s a total piece of excrement.

thevelvetcurtain · 21/08/2021 18:15

My friend has a dad like this. She's just made an international move as a teacher to get away from a father who lets her down and makes her feel useless.

She'll remember this. He needs to get a grip and step up before it's too late.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2021 18:17

What an absolute cunt of a father. He is ruining this for your daughter and I don't think I'd ever get over it as his wife. Utterly selfish and cruel. Your poor daughter will never, ever forget this.

Longdistance · 21/08/2021 18:18

Well, luckily your dd sounds resilient and organised and clearly didn’t inherit his twat gene.

EmeraldShamrock · 21/08/2021 18:20

Is he is a let down usually I'd be annoyed with him putting the football first.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/08/2021 18:21

What a vile thing to do to your dd. Can she go by train and you organise a man with a van or similar to meet her there?

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 21/08/2021 18:21

I'd be fuming at him. Did he book a day off work for this and then decide to go to the football instead, or what? He really doesn't sound a very pleasant parent. And also, football match during the day on a Thursday? What's that about?

girlmom21 · 21/08/2021 18:22

Had he promised to take her or had it just been assumed he would?

How far away does she live? Surely he can get her to uni and get back in time for football?

Maskedrevenger · 21/08/2021 18:25

Your husband is a selfish idiot, of course your children don’t stop needing help the minute they turn 18 or 21 or whatever arbitrary age he thinks is old enough. My grown up children don’t live at home, they have their own families but if they need help with something they just phone us and we are there for them and they would do the same for us. That’s how families usually work isn’t it. I could phone my 80 year old mum for help and if she could she would, she’s loaned me extra chairs, received parcels for me etc and I’m in my 50’s so way past 18. It sounds like your husband makes a habit of this, I think he’s the one who needs to grow up.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 21/08/2021 18:26

@RedToothBrush

Why do you tolerate this and not go completely ballistic and destroy his sodding football tickets?

This. I would be saying if he can't do this as promised, I would never be doing a single thing for him ever again. Time to hit the roof.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/08/2021 18:26

Yes, that's shit. I bet she will feel guilty about her housemates as well, they've made all their arrangements around having all their cooking stuff etc in place and arranged to move in when it will be there. Now she has to tell them it's not going to be there til the next day, for no good reason.

Could she drive there and your husband get the train and collect the car the next day?

Starjammer · 21/08/2021 18:27

I think those football tickets would be taking a mysterious trip through the washing machine. Although I guess everything is done on mobiles now.

Spectacularly selfish to bail on something that's been planned for weeks and involves helping his daughter. Hope his team loses and he gets the shits from an undercooked pie.

milliepop · 21/08/2021 18:33

What team is this? No-one plays on a Thursday?

chesterelly · 21/08/2021 18:34

Is it Rangers or Celtic? They're both away so does he actually mean hes off to the pub to watch? Apologies if not but Old Firm fans do seem to put football above everything else a disproportionate amount (I know not all do and I've seen plenty aibu's regarding other team's fixtures clashing with weddings etc). I'd see if you can hire a man with a van to take her stuff and meet you there. You go with her on the train, send her off to get the keys while you pop into town, buy her a nice flatwarming present, something she'll love but not necessarily need. My own DD was very conscious of how the essentials were mounting up. A throw for her bed or a nice bathrobe or a rug for beside her bed. Something that when she uses it reminds her she's got one parent that cares about her. Don't hurry back see if you can find a nice hotel and something to do in the evening. Make sure your H is paying for it all.

Meraas · 21/08/2021 18:37

How far is the halls? Can she not just get a cab? Sh’s an adult now.

FangsForTheMemory · 21/08/2021 18:38

Yeah, I had a father like this. Try reminding him that when he's 80-odd, he'll be needing support from her.

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 21/08/2021 18:39

I like the way @chesterelly thinks, @bannanaskin. Would you be well enough to do as she suggests and make an outing of it for you and your daughter? Even if you don't hire a man with a van, you could get your not so dear husband to meet you at the hotel on Friday and drive you home after he's dropped your daughter's stuff off at her new home?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 21/08/2021 18:40

What an utter selfish arse. My father would pull stunts like this.

I would have thought moving into independent housing after halls is a real 'thing', more independence and a step towards being a proper adult...

And her dad has let her down. She will remember this.

TractorAndHeadphones · 21/08/2021 18:43

He made a promise to his daughter - he bloody well keeps it. Has he told her himself or is leaving you to do the dirty work?

Tell him that he needs to sort a driver with a car to take all that stuff if he can’t be arsed. And who will help her move it in. Under no circumstances is he to make her get the train.

NewPapaGuinea · 21/08/2021 18:43

Very shitty, basically a football match is more important than his daughter.

rwalker · 21/08/2021 18:43

She goes on the train and gets her stuff the next day . Fair compromise I thought he was refusing all together and leaving her high and dry .

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