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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think husband should help daughter move flat?

92 replies

bannanaskin · 21/08/2021 17:30

Our middle dd is at university and is moving from halls into a privately rented place with some friends. She’s been home over the summer as moved out of halls in June.

Since she signed for the new house with her friends, back in April, we knew that the move in day was Thursday. She’s mentioned this numerous times, and we agreed we’d take her and all her stuff back to her uni city on that day.

Previously they were all in the same catered halls, and so didn’t own any kitchen stuff. Dd has been responsible for buying all of this as we have the room to store it at home before move in. Obviously the other students are paying for it too, we just have it here.

She is the lead tenant, and so she needs to be the one to go and collect the keys. She’s an organised girl and has an appointment booked for 1pm to get the keys.

Her other flatmates are from abroad, and extended their stay in halls to Thursday and so are moving out of one place straight into the other.

Now just a few days before move in, my husband has announced that he can’t do Thursday as he is going to watch a football match.

AIBU to think he is being selfish, and as this has been in the calendar for months, that he can forgo one of his many football matches? He argues that she can go up by train and he will take her stuff up separately, the next day. She’s not happy as she was excited about moving in an decorating, plus we have all the kitchen stuff and bedding here. I’ve told dh that he can pay for her train fair.

OP posts:
justthecat · 21/08/2021 20:11

If he chooses a football match over his Daughter then on so it be him

Lotusmonster · 21/08/2021 20:17

Goodness, after the tough 18 month students have had I feel especially sorry for your DD…and for you, trying to recover from a major surgery. Neither of you need this. See if you can sort a man and van solution and back charge your DH a nice big fat bill …I wouldn’t hesitate, what a nobber!

Daphnise · 21/08/2021 20:18

I'm sorry for you and your daughter- your husband sounds quite petty and nasty- maybe there is a bit more to this.

However regardless of any underlying conflicts, I just can't imagine a normal father wanting to do this to his daughter.

I hope it all works out, and your daughter now realises not to rely on her dick of a father again.

Eralos · 21/08/2021 20:20

I just can’t understand ghost. My dad or my husband would just never do this. If they said they were helping, they would help. He’s being not very nice. Is he ussually a good dad?

WingingItSince1973 · 21/08/2021 20:21

Wow thats incredibly selfish of him. When our dd was at uni my dh would do the 5 hour round trip to her move when she switched from halls to house. Especially as she has been staying with you for the summer. What a shame he can't put his dd first in what could be a stressful transition for her

SoNotRainbowRhythms · 21/08/2021 20:23

Can you hire a reputable local van and person? He pays.

Livvielo · 21/08/2021 20:30

He is completely unreasonable and undeniably selfish. Not only to do that to your daughter, but knowing full well you can’t help either as you’ve just had a major operation!! Angry

rubbletrouble · 21/08/2021 20:36

When people behave like this, I loose all respect for them. I would struggle to look at my hubby the same again if he let our son down like this.....over a football match.

He sounds awful.

tenterden · 21/08/2021 20:57

He should pay for removals then.

What an arse.

lanthanum · 21/08/2021 21:25

How far from the other students' current places to the new one? Could he take the stuff up on Wednesday and leave it with them? (I appreciate they didn't have the space to store it, but just for one night they might manage with a big pile of stuff cluttering up their rooms.
Does she drive? Perhaps she could take the car and he can go up by train to pick it up on the Friday.

SpindleWhorl · 21/08/2021 21:33

That's pretty unbelievable as he'll have known about the match fixture for ages.

HerkyBaby · 21/08/2021 21:40

I’m feeling a bit tearful reading this . I’d love to have a daughter I could take to University.
Do you have any friends that could help out? I’d help my friends in a heartbeat to get their children settled at Uni .

Cryalot2 · 21/08/2021 21:41

I can't believe what I have just read. To promise to help his dd to move knowing that you couldn't, then bales out at the last minute to go to a football match.
Follow your dd. You deserve better.
When dd moved abroad for part of her course dh and I both went and flitted her. On the same flight were several parents with their dcs.
We moved her to her halls .
I just don't get this at all.I just am so shocked . Do they have a good relationship or is there a back story.
Hire a removal van and bill the cheeky one.

AgentJohnson · 21/08/2021 21:42

Well if you and your DD didn’t know what his priorities were before, you do now. Your focus now should be calling in favours to help your DD out. Unfortunately, this is who he is.

kaleidoscopeheartless · 21/08/2021 21:44

I'd be kicking off with him big time. It would change my relationship with my partner if he did this to our daughter.

Blueskythinking123 · 21/08/2021 21:46

That's a really horrible think to do. Is he DD's dad?

LannieDuck · 21/08/2021 22:16

Well, unfortunately he can't make that football match because he's promised to take his DD to her new uni flat. He has a prior commitment.

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