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Original poster

Christening’s and Godparents - How many did you have? (If applicable!) Is 6-8 too many?!

143 replies

ChristeningConundrum · 20/08/2021 23:03

OH and I are planning to have a christening for our DC at some stage but the main decision of how many godparents we have is a big stumbling block. I would like 6 but ideally 8. Simply because each person is important to us (obviously!) and it would be very difficult to narrow down the number of people. For example, 2 of them are siblings and it would be like choosing one over another which we wouldn’t do. If we have 6 it would be 4 from my side and 2 from OH’s side. I would prefer 8 so that we both have 4 from each of our families.

OH says either number is far too many and that ‘it’s just not the done thing’. That’s his only reason for not liking the idea, he thinks it’s strange. He has no objection to any of the prospective godparents and likes/loves them all.

I know it would be a lot but does it really matter if it’s not what most people do?
I feel it’s could be compared to the number of bridesmaids someone might choose, it’s up to the individual/couple.

We are older parents, our DC is long awaited and has brought so much happiness to us and both of our families. It means a lot to me to have a christening and choose godparents who are important to both of us. OH wants our DC to be christened and apart from that and the number of godparents he’s not got much to say about what we do with the arrangements.

BTW, we are very average people, no delusions of grandeur or anything like that! I don’t know why I think it’s important to say that but I do.

I thought I’d ask MN what the general consensus is so that we can gauge what is ‘normal’ and go from there, so here I am!

If you happen to have lots of godparents for your DC’s I would love to know how many!

Sorry it’s so lengthy and far too many exclamation marks!!!!

Lastly, I see the irony in asking MN what’s ‘normal’ and what other people have done whilst also saying does it matter what other people do!

OP posts:
SemiFeralDalek · 21/08/2021 08:01

On the baptism application form at my church (CofE) it specifies 4 is the max amount of godparents. (You can't fit any more on the baptism certificate anyway!)

Apeirogon · 21/08/2021 08:09

I had three and my DC have three each.

Personally I'd take any siblings off the list to reduce numbers. They're already the child's aunt / uncle which can be a lovely relationship in itself.

whatthejiggeries · 21/08/2021 08:12

We had 3 at each of ours. I am a godparent when the child had 8. Tbh it was ridiculous and felt like she'd just asked everyone so wasn't really special

alilstressed · 21/08/2021 08:12

I have 3 godparents. I have 2 children and they each have 4 godparents. DP and I chose 2 each for them.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 21/08/2021 08:23

I've never even heard of having 3. Only ever had 2 in our family. One man and one woman. Always a relative. Friends can come and go...

PumpkinPie2016 · 21/08/2021 08:35

We are C of E (Anglican) and had 3 for our son. 2 male and 1 female which is the done thing. It's 2 female and a male for a girl.

6-8 would seem an awful lot to me Confused Is there no way you can narrow it down?

Wilkolampshade · 21/08/2021 08:41

2 or 3 the norm.
Drop family, as they already have a clear relationship.

GremlinDolphin4 · 21/08/2021 08:46

3 is enough. You are picking 3 special people for your child who you would trust to add to their lives in some way. Aunts uncles family etc already have a role so don’t need to be included?

Crazycrazylady · 21/08/2021 09:29

RC and most priests insist on 1m and 1 f
Honestly 8 is ridiculous, makes it much less special for the actual godparents and to be honest a little bit tacky

Maray1967 · 21/08/2021 09:59

PP said her mum said the norm was 3, with 2 the same sec as the baby. That’s my understanding as well. I’m godmother several times for Church of England and Roman Catholic families as I’m a Christian ie actually go to church. My two have two, the same for both, as they are also active Christians. I have no godparents as my mother wouldn’t have any one who wasn’t a church goer and our denomination doesn’t require them. The royal family have about 6 - ordinary folks 2 or 3, 4 at a push. I wouldn’t have any relatives as they are already in a relationship with your child and just have 3 or 4 friends.

amillionmenonmars · 21/08/2021 10:08

You do know what a christening is for, yes? It is to welcome a child into the Christian community and the godparents are promising to support the child in the faith until they are old enough to renew those promises for themselves. If you are an Anglican then you will know that six or eight godparents is absolutely never done. I have never attended a christening with more than three godparents.

NoSquirrels · 21/08/2021 10:18

Really, you need to choose people who will support the child’s spiritual life, not just social. That’s why they’re ‘godparents’ and the wording of the service is such.

My DH has no faith, and we talked to the vicar about that specifically as it was important to me to have DC christened but I wasn’t willing to have him lie in church by making the promises required - the vicar agreed he didn’t need to answer at that point in the service but remain silent. We chose godparents based on them being religious themselves, but each DC does have a family godparent who isn’t religious (an aunt and an uncle respectively). We did the traditional 3, 2 of the same sex as the child, 1 opposite sex.

So, that’s what I’d do to choose. Look for the people with a demonstrable faith - it’s a faith role, not just an honorific title. Explain that to everyone.

lioncitygirl · 21/08/2021 10:20

We had 4. 6-8 is a bit ott imo.

ineedsun · 21/08/2021 10:25

@HeddaGarbled

3 is traditional: 2 godmothers and one godfather for a girl and vice versa for a boy.

My advice, if you’re struggling to narrow it down, is not to pick family members. They will already be connected to your child through the family relationship.

That’s what I was always told by mum who’s dad was an Anglican vicar.
EBearhug · 21/08/2021 10:25

Friends can come and go...

They can, but in my late 40s, I'm still in regular, albeit not that frequent, contact with my godparents, and met up with my godfather when I was up north a couple of years back. My sister is still in touch with the one of hers who hasn't died. And the one non-local friend I've met up with since lockdown, we met at pre-school playgroup, and I'd have definitely chosen her as a godparent if I'd had children (and got them christened; my godparents have arguably failed on my church participation...) So friendships can also be enduring, and being godparents can help with that.

Mammyloveswine · 21/08/2021 11:18

My children each have 4 godparents, 2 male and 2 female.

Hesma · 21/08/2021 11:27

My DDs each have 1 Godfather and 2 Godmothers. Personally I feel 8 is too many but honestly my opinion shouldn’t matter to you as it your choice. I would however speak to your celebrant and check what they think. I hope all goes well and your DC is supported in their journey in Christ 💐

@Imcatmum your insensitivity astounds me! How can you seriously tell an older parent of a long awaited DC that they need to have more kids. What a nasty comment, you should be ashamed!

DemelzaRobins · 21/08/2021 12:38

I'm not baptised so don't have any godparents. DH and his brother have their uncle and aunt as their godparents as you need Catholic godparents in the Catholic Church and MIL and FIL didn't have any catholic friends.

DH and I's DC will all have BIL as a godparent and no-one else as DH doesn't have any Catholic friends who are in full communion with the church. None of my friends or family are catholic. We have lots of Christian friends but they can only be witnesses, not godparents. In an ideal world we wouldn't have family as godparents but we don't have anyone else we can ask who the church would permit. I suspect this isn't an uncommon reason why people have relatives as godparents.

I've never been to a christening so no idea what the norm is. If you want 6 godparents, have them (assuming your church allows).

LynetteScavo · 21/08/2021 12:46

I thought it was usual to have two of the same sex as the child, and one of the opposite sex.

My DC all have one godmother and one godfather. we hardly know any responsible adults

drpet49 · 21/08/2021 12:49

I've never even heard of having 3. Only ever had 2 in our family.

^This. 6-8 is ridiculous and meaningless. Far too many.

mommybear1 · 21/08/2021 12:52

We are RC and we had 6 Grin.

QueenofLouisiana · 21/08/2021 13:03

DS has 3: each chosen for a particular relationship which have remained strong and important to him.
My DNephew had 8 at his humanist celebration. They were all “amazing friends” of his parents. He now has little contact with any and I have been asked to be his legal guardian in event of the death of his parents.

mamamalt · 21/08/2021 13:09

We had 4 for both ours. I've 4 very close friends and no siblings so having them all part of baptism and DC life in an 'offical' way was important to me and DH has 2 incredibly close friends so used same ones.
I couldn't give a shiny shite what people think about that!

I honestly thing worry less about what strangers think. Everyone who comes to ceremony will hopefully be loving and supportive to your family and you'll all have a lovely day! DC will be very lucky to have so many caring influences in their life.

NautaOcts · 21/08/2021 13:10

It is too many sorry

amillionmenonmars · 21/08/2021 13:11

You can't have Godparents at a humanist celebration.