Christening’s and Godparents - How many did you have? (If applicable!) Is 6-8 too many?!

[ChristeningConundrum]

OH and I are planning to have a christening for our DC at some stage but the main decision of how many godparents we have is a big stumbling block. I would like 6 but ideally 8. Simply because each person is important to us (obviously!) and it would be very difficult to narrow down the number of people. For example, 2 of them are siblings and it would be like choosing one over another which we wouldn’t do. If we have 6 it would be 4 from my side and 2 from OH’s side. I would prefer 8 so that we both have 4 from each of our families.

OH says either number is far too many and that ‘it’s just not the done thing’. That’s his only reason for not liking the idea, he thinks it’s strange. He has no objection to any of the prospective godparents and likes/loves them all.

I know it would be a lot but does it really matter if it’s not what most people do?
I feel it’s could be compared to the number of bridesmaids someone might choose, it’s up to the individual/couple.

We are older parents, our DC is long awaited and has brought so much happiness to us and both of our families. It means a lot to me to have a christening and choose godparents who are important to both of us. OH wants our DC to be christened and apart from that and the number of godparents he’s not got much to say about what we do with the arrangements.

BTW, we are very average people, no delusions of grandeur or anything like that! I don’t know why I think it’s important to say that but I do.

I thought I’d ask MN what the general consensus is so that we can gauge what is ‘normal’ and go from there, so here I am!

If you happen to have lots of godparents for your DC’s I would love to know how many!

Sorry it’s so lengthy and far too many exclamation marks!!!!

Lastly, I see the irony in asking MN what’s ‘normal’ and what other people have done whilst also saying does it matter what other people do!

What have your church said?
Ours say minimum 2, ideally 3 (one the opposite sex to the child and two the same) with space for 4.
We’re having 3 and a “supporting friend” since the 4th person isn’t baptised.

We don't have any godparents even though we are quite devout. I couldn't see the point of imposing a role on someone who doesn't even know our children yet (when they were babies). Our siblings would do anything for them, fancy title or not. And as the children have grown, adults have come into their life and built special relationships with them, or mentored them, who I certainly wouldn't have known or picked as godparents when they were newborns.

If you have so many people who are special to you, you could give them a different title or just ask them to come up to the front to give the baby some special words or a blessing to show they're important people in its life.

Or just have 8 godparents and own it, acknowledging that it's unusual, who cares.

Here’s the Anglican page on godparents. They have to be baptized, ideally confirmed (check with vicar about how necessary confirmation is). Three are recommended (the 2-1 rule); four is acceptable.

“They should feel ready to make some big promises about faith for your child in church.”

www.churchofengland.org/life-events/christenings/parents-guide-christenings/choosing-godparents

Are all eight of these people Anglican, baptized, and confirmed? And do you need eight people to agree to guide your child in the faith? Are you deeply religious? Are all eight of them?

It sounds like you have had one child and you may not have any more and as a result, you want to make sure that the people in your life realize how special they are in your baby’s life. But you don’t have to make them all godparents to do that. ESPECIALLY do not do this, “Well, if it’s four from my side, we’ll have to have four from your side,” to make up numbers. That WOULD by madness. Maybe consider a gathering at your house just for those six people, you, husband, and baby, where you maybe give them each a small gift from your family that speaks to a future relationship between them and your child? Though admittedly, fuck if I know what gift.

Thank you everyone for your replies, you have given me a lot to think about!

Those who have said being one of 6 or 8 would make them feel much less important and almost devaluing the role - This is a point I hadn’t considered and I see now. I wouldn’t want any of them to feel that way.

Those who have said 6-8 is ridiculous, bonkers, madness and OTT, you are most probably quite right. Back to the drawing board I think!

The comments about it being for a party, we’re not having one, it’s really not about that.

Giving people a ‘special title’ isn’t the reason either but I can see now that it could be viewed that way.

@KimDeals - I certainly wouldn’t want to be known as the woman who is ‘awful and crass’ that’s for sure. Thank you for making me aware of that potential consequence!
We have no doctors or similar in this line up! We are genuinely not the kind of people to choose a godparent because they have a high flying career and/or because we think they have tons of money, influence or whatever.

My dc don't have any. I have 4 but I share mine with both my sisters. Mine are all family members which I've always thought was fairly pointless as they had an important role in my life already.

Giving people a ‘special title’ isn’t the reason either but I can see now that it could be viewed that way.
What is the reason?

In my family it's 3. Two of the same sex, one of 5he opposite.

@notanothertakeaway - Thanks for this point, I haven’t seen the thread you refer to.

The poster’s who wonder if I’m thinking of 6-8 in the hope we get presents, money and favours like baby sitting - Definitely not! We are the ones who have decided to give all the godparents meaningful presents as a thank you!

@GreyhoundG1rl - Re: Your most recent post, I have stated my reasons in the OP.

So you have, op. Sorry.

@RightYesButNo - Thank you. Plus, the last line of your post made me chuckle!

@GreyhoundG1rl - No worries, thanks for the apology.

I was an older mum too and after a lot of years trying to have a baby we thought would never happen we decided to use the Godparents that we would have chosen for 2 children. I may get blasted for it but it’s how I felt. We chose people that we knew would always be there for our child and I still think that we made great choices. In our faith (Christian/high Anglican) we would traditionally have 2 godparents of the same sex as child and 1 of opposite sex but we chose 3 of each sex for our daughter. Do what feels right for you. I do think that you should choose who you both agree on and not worry about whose friend or relative they are and certainly not chose 4 from each side just to even them up. As long as you are happy with your choice then I think 6 is fine. Congratulations on your baby.

@WindowsSmindows - I forgot to tag you and say thank you for your kind words. And yes I now agree my plan is ridiculous as others have also quite rightly pointed out. My OH will be pleased!

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and very valid points. Big discussion ahead now with my OH at a more reasonable hour! I’d better go and finish my online food shop 🏃‍♀️

Ignore the symbol at the end of my last post, not sure what happened there!

@AddictedToRadley - Thank you so much for your very kind words. This is exactly how I feel, our DC may be an only child which I feel sad about but at the same time so incredibly blessed.
I’m very glad to hear you have a much longed for child too.

Right I really must go, DC is asleep and content and I still haven’t got this shopping done, can’t put it off any longer however much I want to!

Thanks all and night night 👋🏽

I have 3 godparents (1 couple + 1 widowed woman). My brother has 4 (2 couples). 2-4 is normal in my experience, from a mixture of Anglican and nondenominational/evangelical churches.

If any of your potential godparents are relatives, dropping them would be an easy way to reduce numbers. They already have a special role in your children’s life, as their aunt etc. Choosing godparents will allow you to choose a few extra ‘special people’ for your child.

I have 6 godmothers and one godfather, I've always liked having them and I don't think there's any harm in chosing all of those you think you need/want. The only reason I have so many is because my parent knew I was to be an only child and wanted to honour those people.

I really feel for you OP. Especially as we appointed the standard 3 godparents for our DC1 in full expectation that other special people in our lives would be godparents for future DC but then miscarriages and secondary infertility has meant that there never was another opportunity. I have never got around to telling those who were lined up (in my head) as godparents for the DC who never made it that they would have been asked if things had worked out differently. It seems like too awkward a thing to say.

But I do agree with PP that 6 is too many and am glad you have agreed with this after the thread discussion. You mentioned that two of the potential godparents are siblings - if you mean siblings to yourself or your DH then these are the obvious ones to trim - aunties and uncles do not need to be made godparents, they already know how special they are to you and will always have a special status with your child as their aunties and uncles. Being a godparent too is not going to enhance that.

Another principle to trim the list is that you don't need both members of any couple to be godparents.

Standard rule is 3, with 2 being the same sex as the child and 1 being the opposite sex. I would recommend that at least 1 of the 3 should be local to you, and should be whichever friend springs to mind if you imagine you and DH are both in hospital after a car crash and no family members are available and someone needs to be asked to collect DC from primary school, explain to them what is going on and look after them until you and DH are able to leave hospital (hopefully this will never happen).

One godparent should be whichever of your friends seens the most appropriate for who to send DC to for their first experience of staying away from home and away from family members (probably someone with kids of similar age). So ideally shouldn't be too local to your own neighbourhood but not ridiculously far away.

3rd should be someone who you can imagine being the listening ear to a teenager DC who needs to confide in an adult about something major and potentially traumatuc that they don't want you the parents to know about, who you trust to give wise advice if needed or just provide emotional support and reassurance otherwise. Ideally should not be local to where you live (but seen regularly enough that they are familiar) so that there is clear space and distance between them and your DC's day-to-,day normal life.

Good for you OP. It's quite rare on AIBU. to have an OP who everyone says is Unreasonable, considers the responses and then accepts that she is!

I hope you have a lovely Christening for your dc.

You've mentioned that it's because every person is important to you, but what are you expecting from your godparents? What do you see as their role?

My DC is an only, and I will never be able to have another. So, I had 4 Godparents for DC - 2 were of my religion, 2 were not. I had to get permission to have more than 2.

I would have said 2-4 however I recently went to christening where there were two taking place in the same service..... one had 7 the other had 8 and nobody seemed to bat an eyelid

I was one of 7 god parents for a friends little girl. I felt a bit daft at the front of the church, it was like they couldn't make their mind up and they had kept asking more people before the day, it was embarrassing standing at the front on the church, the vicar only had three godparents cards too so those who didn't receive one looked silly (I got one thankfully!). Don't pick large numbers, the whole point is to pick a chosen two or three people.
We are having my son christened next week, one of each chosen and I think that or 3 god parents is the norm.