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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's shagged her tonight, hasn't he?

125 replies

Fullerene · 20/08/2021 21:22

Ex is with his ex tonight, overnight. They have a casual FWB relationship since splitting up; I was never comfortable with the two meeting up, which is one of the main reasons I splut up witn him. She is dating someone, but that didn't stop her last time (while he and I were still together - he declined because she had a bf and he had a gf ath the time). He already told me he is upset another one of his exes (who he will see in a month) has a BF so he won't be able to shag her.

He's rodgering the other woman right now, isn't he? Even though we've only split up for a week. I have a feeling and it's never before let me down. MN please help me get rid of him in my thoughts?

OP posts:
donotgoogledragonbutter · 20/08/2021 22:42

Bloody dickless, spineless cockwomble.. well rid. Treat yourself to a great night out.
It will get better and you feel better soon too xx

Haudyourwheesht · 20/08/2021 22:47

You dumped him because you thought he was shagging her. Now he is shagging her, which proved you made the right decision. The only bit you got wrong was when you said he hadn't abused you. He didn't exactly treat you well, did he? Take him off the pedestal - there's a guy out there who will treat you well - he is not it.

SunsetView · 20/08/2021 22:51

You lost me at “ rodgering “

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/08/2021 22:53

@happydays2345

The word shag is so common
Fantastic contribution. Tick VG ✔️ 🙄

I think shag is totally the correct word to use here.

He sounds like a bit of a fuck boy.

NoProblem123 · 20/08/2021 22:53

Stop caring what exs & ex’s ex’s are up to !
Who care ?!!!!!!!!

Unlesss you are loving the drama- are you ?! - start concentrating on what you’re up to & who you’re shagging.

Man alive.

Twocanplay · 20/08/2021 22:58

Trust your instinct

scoobydoo1971 · 20/08/2021 23:02

My 5 decades on the planet have taught me much knowledge. For sure, man who are cock-happy and willing to jump from one warm parking bay to the neck lack something fundamental to a relationship...it is called a brain and a personality. Very unattractive. Stop thinking about the very average sex he maybe getting this evening, and focus on why you should care about a man who moved from one pulse to another so quickly. You are at risk of meeting and falling for his evil twin if you don't see the signs.

me4real · 20/08/2021 23:06

I always think it's all very well when people tell someone to just forget about or get over someone or something. Most of us know it's not always that easy.

Stopping monitoring what an ex is upto probably helps though.

PercyWercy · 20/08/2021 23:10

Some harsh unnecessary responses on here. Am sure they wouldn’t speak to their daughters like this IRL. Or I hope not, at least.

OP, he’s an ex for a reason….remember that. Keep distracted, do something that boosts your confidence and give time time. You’ll get there.

GettingItOutThere · 20/08/2021 23:12

eugh. block and move on! he is shagging her

he is your ex. forget about him

Sacredspace · 20/08/2021 23:13

Those of you telling OP to move on, surely you must realise it’s not that easy when you have feelings for someone? It’s a complex process, similar to a bereavement when a relationship ends. The fact he’s an arse doesn’t make it any easier for her..

maddening · 20/08/2021 23:15

Do not let him back in, he probably gets a kick out of his exes being depesperate for him. Do not give him the satisfaction, you are not an ego trip for this prick to pick up and throw away when he fancies getting his end away.

You need to fill the gap that is left, get plans with friends. You need to keep reaffirming your decision, why you made it and why you need to be strong. He will never be what you wanted, if you went back it would always be an emotional fuck up of him shagging around, you are better than this. And the sooner you can let go the sooner you will be ready to consider future relationships.

Good luck op x

Fruityfriday · 20/08/2021 23:16

Isn't rodgering slang for up the arse? Or have I had one to many gins tonight 🤔

Redarrow2017 · 20/08/2021 23:18

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 20/08/2021 23:18

I'm literally assuming this is a load of bullshit solely on the basis of the use of the word "rodgering" in your OP. What are you looking for, a C grade for outdated colloquialism?

Hankunamatata · 20/08/2021 23:19

Put him out of your head. He isn't worthy of you thoughts and attention.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 20/08/2021 23:20

I’m feeling for you, OP. You know you were right to leave him, but it still hurts.

But look at the progress you’ve made in taking control of your life. You were in a series of more abusive relationships before XDP. You left him because you wanted something better than just not being abused. Keep being kind to yourself and don’t accept less than respect.

Frodogo · 20/08/2021 23:23

He sounds gross, tbh. Remind yourself that you're the one who did the dumping, he's no longer your problem, and maybe have be a bit more particular about the kind of man you go for, next time.

MyMabel · 20/08/2021 23:24

How long were you together?

Yeah it probably hurts; but you’d be a tit to get yourself hung up on it. He cheated on you, he isn’t loyal or faithful, he isn’t someone to have a long term relationship with, so short term thoughts only.

Obviously after being in a relationship with someone you’re not just going to forget them with a click of your finger. But you need to manage your self worth better. You’re upset because your unfaithful ex may or may not be sleeping with his other ex. Why?

Concentrate on you, not him. If it bothers you that much I highly suggest the block and ignore treatment. If you can’t see what he’s up to you can’t be hurt or bothered by it.

OhWhyNot · 20/08/2021 23:34

Don’t torture yourself

You know what he is like

Put on some sad music and have a cru about the time wasted with him and give yourself time to feel better about yourself

viques · 20/08/2021 23:46

@Fullerene

So very few MNers would have a problem with their very recent ex-bfs shagging someone else (an ex they've always mistrusted because she actively wanted sex witn him during your relationship)? Or even the thought of it?

Yes, I dumped him. It still stings.

I think by the replies you have had then yes, I think most people would have a huge problem with this, and would rightly see it as an enormous issue of trust, respect and care. For a start your ex is putting all the women he sleeps (including you) with at the risk of STD , which could lead to sterility, and long term health issues. Then there is the fact that he doesn’t see any of you as people whose feelings and emotions are of any value.

He is a lowlife who would not come out favourably compared to a diseased cockroach. You should be celebrating your first week of freedom from him with cake and champagne. Go out and find a proper man who has some emotional intelligence.

eekbumbler · 20/08/2021 23:50

Mmm dippy everywhere cock Hmm

Leave them both to their itchiness.

SafeMove · 21/08/2021 00:29

The thing is with FWB - the benefit isn't that great IME. If it's with an ex - it's always messy because you are either wanting more or worrying that they want more.

With a random FWB you are thinking 'Hmm, how many FWB have you got, am I one of many?' or 'Am I place holding?' or 'This sex feels a bit...off because we are only having sex with each other because we can't be in a relationship at the moment'. And on and on. As a pp said, FWB sex is generally at best average. And I speak from experience, I have had a few FWB and slept with A LOT of people, due to my own various and deep rooted pots of shit. So OP, I would console yourself that they might not be having as much fun as you think they are.

Notimeforaname · 21/08/2021 00:31

but he has been the first man in my life not to abuse the shit out of me

Just cheat on you ?

NumberTheory · 21/08/2021 00:36

@Fullerene

So very few MNers would have a problem with their very recent ex-bfs shagging someone else (an ex they've always mistrusted because she actively wanted sex witn him during your relationship)? Or even the thought of it?

Yes, I dumped him. It still stings.

I kind of understand why it's upsetting but it's still unreasonable to be annoyed with him or think he's behaved badly if you've already broken up. To me it seems very normal, when you've just broken up with someone, to turn to an FWB for a bit of solace/ego boost/comfort sex. If not that then a one night stand of some form.

The thing is - it is just sex, not a relationship. So you use it and the intenseness of it to plug a tiny bit of the gap while trying to come to terms with the rest of the break up. It doesn't mean he couldn't wait to be free of you, or that he thinks his ex was better than you, just that he doesn't entwine sex and relationships as tightly as you do and he's using sex to block out some of his loss/find an an equilibrium.