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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He's shagged her tonight, hasn't he?

125 replies

Fullerene · 20/08/2021 21:22

Ex is with his ex tonight, overnight. They have a casual FWB relationship since splitting up; I was never comfortable with the two meeting up, which is one of the main reasons I splut up witn him. She is dating someone, but that didn't stop her last time (while he and I were still together - he declined because she had a bf and he had a gf ath the time). He already told me he is upset another one of his exes (who he will see in a month) has a BF so he won't be able to shag her.

He's rodgering the other woman right now, isn't he? Even though we've only split up for a week. I have a feeling and it's never before let me down. MN please help me get rid of him in my thoughts?

OP posts:

Seesawmummadaw · 20/08/2021 21:56

Fornicating sounds like jolly good fun!

I’m not keen on the word shag either tbh but he’s not very classy so he needs a more suitable word. Fucking would be the best word IMO

Kiduknot · 20/08/2021 21:57

Heal as you need to, but please don’t become another ex that shags him.

Patapouf · 20/08/2021 21:58

@WaterIsBest

How old are you? You sound very young

Hardly! Nobody young uses the term 'rodgering'

Feedingthebirds1 · 20/08/2021 22:01

@Fullerene

So very few MNers would have a problem with their very recent ex-bfs shagging someone else (an ex they've always mistrusted because she actively wanted sex witn him during your relationship)? Or even the thought of it?

Yes, I dumped him. It still stings.

Of course it stings. You were in a relationship with him until a week ago, and what he's doing shows you how little he thought of that relationship. (They may not be shagging, but then again maybe bears don't shit in the woods.)

But the fact that it stings doesn't mean it wasn't the right thing to do. You didn't trust him, and you rightly certainly didn't trust her.

Tonight have a wallow. Hot chocolate, a weepie movie, whatever helps you to wallow best, and then get up tomorrow feeling a lot lighter. They can do whatever they like, and you can get on with the rest of your life without looking over your shoulder at his ex all the time.

ViciousJackdaw · 20/08/2021 22:05

@happydays2345

The word shag is so common

Someone has started a thread because they are upset and need a bolstering. This is neither the time nor the place for your snootiness.

loulous1985 · 20/08/2021 22:05

You dumped him, right? Good call, clearly, but that does mean he’s free to ‘roger’ his way up and down the country.

😂

me4real · 20/08/2021 22:10

As a PP said. Youu somehow know his round his ex's. BBlock him on everythinng and go no contact, so you're not constantly reminded of him or wound up all over again.

It'll still take time to heal, but no contact is the best way @Fullerene , or low as possible contact if you have children with him.

Phoenixrising2020 · 20/08/2021 22:13

Dworky, that's a lovely post.

Fullerene, try having an early night and binge watching a series or perhaps a good book. You have a chance to invest in your future, don't waste it ruminating on him.

Life has far more to offer you than this.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 20/08/2021 22:13

@ViciousJackdaw I love your comment

DoylyCarte · 20/08/2021 22:13

@Patapouf
Hardly! Nobody young uses the term 'rodgering'

Not except for Rita, Sue and perhaps Bob too (although he wasn’t young even then 😂).

He sounds like an absolute arsehole OP, he’ll be getting off on you feeling like crap and behaving like gollum - it’ll give him a power trip - so just rise above it; he’s not worth it.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 20/08/2021 22:13

It’ll be a new world in the morning.

You’ve said your last farewell.

Time to leave old Durham town.

SheSaidHummingbird · 20/08/2021 22:13

It's none of your business where the man is, what he is doing and who he is doing it with. You're no longer in a relationship.

And yes, he probably is.

Alternista · 20/08/2021 22:16

You can get through this, OP, you’re worth more than this.
Keep busy till the sting subsides a bit. Got a good box set on the go? Take up running or something? Be kind to yourself, it WILL get easier.

Theunamedcat · 20/08/2021 22:21

He sounds like a walking STD just focus on the fact that he is no longer your problem you will no longer have the fear he is cheating on you eventually you won't care yes it hurts a bit now but it's worth the pain to be rid of a walking disease who is a danger to your mental health

Life is too short

Lalliella · 20/08/2021 22:24

OP has a history of being abused, can people posting on here perhaps be a little more sensitive and stop taking the piss?

OP, you are far too good for him and worth so much more than this. He isn’t worth getting upset over, I know it doesn’t feel like it now but it will in time. Organise some nice things to do to take your mind off him. The best revenge is to live happily and show you don’t need him. Oh and block him.

willstarttomorrow · 20/08/2021 22:24

OP- he is abusive. The fact is you know he basically will sleep with all his ex girlfriends and probably add more but you a accept this. I am a CP social worker and am currently working with similiar, dad does not want to commit, ended up having a child together with mum. Mum is made to feel unreasonable so maintains he needs his freedom, but is hanging on to to the dream of them being a family. My job now is to get her to recognise the reality, referred because even though they have never been together he seems to turn up when he wants and it ends up with the police being called on 4 occasions with a one year old.
You will not change him, he is living his best life. What you can change is yourself and the behaviour you are willing to accept from others.

mumofthemonsters808 · 20/08/2021 22:25

I can’t handle these type of posts, when a female is obsessing over a man who has made it very clear he does not give a shit about her.Leave him be, let him do what the hell he wants, the only person upset here is you.He certainly won’t be wondering who you are with, his behaviour is telling you he does not care, take yourself out of the equation.

SunshineCake · 20/08/2021 22:25

@WaterIsBest

How old are you? You sound very young

Is that the best you can when someone is needing support? I suggest you don't try and give advice again.

melj1213 · 20/08/2021 22:33

You dumped a guy who has a history of FWB relationships.

Of course he is probably out sleeping with someone else but he's not doing anything wrong. Distasteful perhaps but he's single and can sleep with whoever he likes.

Just cut him out - how do you even know what he is doing unless you are checking up on him via social media etc? That's entirely on you.

Lou98 · 20/08/2021 22:34

@Fullerene

Yes, I dumped him. It still stings.

It is of course normal to be a bit upset by it, but posting on MN and tracking his whereabouts to know who he's sleeping with is unhealthy and obsessive. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking like that.

He was always happy having what I thought were inappropiate relationships with his exes. Always the FWB kind

Also, if both parties are single - a fwb relationship isn't "inappropriate" - it works well for people who aren't looking for a relationship.

It doesn't sound as though he cheated on you, just that she wanted him to.
It now sounds like he's using her as rebound, which if she's happy with then there's nothing wrong with that.

In the nicest way possible, you need to start focusing on yourself and move on. He is single now and can do as he pleases with whoever he pleases (as long as it's consensual of course). He hasn't done anything wrong here

Buttercup54321 · 20/08/2021 22:39

Hes no loss. You deserve better OP.

Hellotoallmyfans · 20/08/2021 22:39

You sound very young

"Rodgering" is really not a word the young use.

FWB relationship with his ex? Why are you even with him OP?

RevolvingPivot · 20/08/2021 22:39

@WaterIsBest

How old are you? You sound very young

She's not asking how old she sounds though she wanting advice.

Summerfun54321 · 20/08/2021 22:40

rodgering

😂😂😂 haven’t heard that word for over 20 years.

Brimorion · 20/08/2021 22:42

The word ‘rogering’ makes my vagina clench shut and whimper.

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