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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to ask if you ever had sex with someone you didn't fancy

81 replies

RightOrWrongAnswer · 20/08/2021 13:52

Did you ever have sex with someone you didn't especially find attractive or want to have sex with? I'm in that situation. Person who works in a firm near where I work, know each other a while, went for food/drinks a few times, then sex. He's nice, I like him as a person.

No details needed. It's a first for me, and feels a bit strange. Just wondering about others.

YABU: I've only had sex with people I really felt attracted to

YANBU: I've had sex with some people I was not really attract to

OP posts:
LukeEvansWife · 20/08/2021 15:36

Yes - I have slept with around 50 guys in my life and fancied two of them.

WaayyTooMuch · 20/08/2021 15:36

Right after breaking up with long time BF, horrible relationship when I was being essentially ignored both emotionally and physically. I basically needed a good shag (it was only ok, but several times better than I'd had in the previous 2 years).

LukeEvansWife · 20/08/2021 15:42

Sex wasn’t even that good most of the time, it was just something I did.

Diddumz · 20/08/2021 15:44

Yes. First serious boyfriend. I still feel bad about it because I never fancied him (he didn't guess) and it wasn't fair that I stayed with him just because I was new to the city and was lonely and depressed.

DukeOfEarlGrey · 20/08/2021 15:47

Yes, a couple of times, alcohol involved and both utterly regrettable.

Pp seem to have varied interpretations of ‘attracted to’. For me it means the physical urge. There are lots of people that I like but don’t want to have sex with and particularly when I was younger it was harder to say no to nice guys who seemed like a good idea at the time. It left me feeling a horrible ‘ick’. By contrast, I’ve also wittingly slept with a couple of men that I fancied rotten in a physical way but knew wouldn’t turn into anything more. Perfectly decent men but not for me. Great fun and no ‘ick’ whatsoever.

Hemingwaycat · 20/08/2021 15:49

Yes a couple of dodgy drunken ONS. Not random people I met in bars, I’ve never done that but people I’d purposely gone on a date with. Just didn’t find them attractive in person but still slept with them, I was young and stupid.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 20/08/2021 15:54

God yeah when I was younger. Usually at the end of the night in a kind of 'Come on then, lad, you'll do' sort of way.

LoislovesStewie · 20/08/2021 15:59

Yes, it was a sympathy shag.

newnortherner111 · 20/08/2021 16:01

Every one of the women who have had sex with Boris Johnson, I hope, or else they have a very different view of attractiveness. Likewise quite a number of professional footballers.

Yarboosucks · 20/08/2021 16:10

@newnortherner111 - Please tell! How many professional footballers that you don't find attractive have you had sex with?

DingDongThongs · 20/08/2021 16:16

@MulanIsChinese

Yes and I needed up marrying him! Turns out I was just a bit broken from previous relationships and once I allowed myself to give him a chance, it was great!
WHAT?
Lavender24 · 20/08/2021 16:16

Yes. He was so fucking pushy, kept ambushing me at house parties and buying me things that I didn't ask for. I was worried he'd think I'd used him and I did actually enjoy his company and wanted to be friends but that's all I wanted. Anyway being the mug that I was I ended up in a nine month relationship with him. He did treat me well and did a lot for me so I hoped my feelings would change but they didn't.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 20/08/2021 16:18

Yes, it never ends well. Don't do it.

OneTC · 20/08/2021 16:19

No, I have to like someone. Physical attraction comes second and is pretty tied into and given context by someone's personality. Sleeping with someone just because they fancied you feels like it would be harsh and I don't think I could do that

ComtesseDeSpair · 20/08/2021 16:19

[quote Yarboosucks]@newnortherner111 - Please tell! How many professional footballers that you don't find attractive have you had sex with?[/quote]
I’d assume newnortherner means that many of the women who have shagged some professional footballers can’t have done it because they fancied them. Wayne Rooney looks like an onion. And they can’t even claim he has a great personality they were attracted to.

FirstIn50s · 20/08/2021 16:21

While its not something I'd previously though about, there are situations where it is likely the case.

I'd expect that most porn is like that? The participants are doing something functional, for money, and don't need to fancy each other.

I do wonder about the partners of the likes of Trump. Is it possible the power or money made him attractive to Melanie?

In my youth I was not always sure about what I liked, so I did some experiments to figure things out for me.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 20/08/2021 16:24

Yup.
Far too many 'what the hell' moments after a skin full in my youth.

Yarboosucks · 20/08/2021 16:25

@ComtesseDeSpair It is Friday and I was having fun....

MyShoelaceIsUndone · 20/08/2021 16:57

Yes, worked with him went out as friends, got pissed had sex, 9 months later along comes my beautiful baby. I didn’t tell him, told him I was already pregnant (a few weeks so didn’t know) when we had sex. I cringe about the sex even now 12 years on. He was such a twat. Would tell everyone in the office how he got a cock ring stuck once and how because of this incident his wife turned lesbian.

TorySteller · 20/08/2021 16:57

I was in a relationship for almost 3 years at uni with someone I didn’t really fancy. I know it sounds bizarre, but I think we were very good friends who confused our friendship for something more.

It didn’t work. We probably had sex once a month and it was usually disappointing.

I actually met my now-DH when we were still together. I didn’t cheat, I’d like to add! But my now-DH jolted me into the real world and made me remember what it felt like to really fancy someone.

southerncrossbun · 20/08/2021 16:59

I participated in a threesome once. I'd no interest in the other female, I was there for the guy only but played along. It was a bit awkward because the guy finished very very quickly and she wanted us to continue, so I faked one quickly too.

Unfashionable · 20/08/2021 17:03

When I was young, free & single, I was free & single. I had plenty of fun, which included a few drunken shags with people who, in the cold light of day, were not exactly husband material. No regrets, though.

bumblingbovine49 · 20/08/2021 17:04

Yed definitely but it does depend on what you mean by fancied. Some I didn't think I fancied much but once we slept together the sex was fantastic, weirdly that didn't always result in me fancying them more but occasionally it did and sometimes led to a relationship..

The there were the the i've had sex with someone I really fancy and it had been pretty bad ..

I'm not sure fancying some or finding them really attractive correlates to good sex that often with me. Not sure why.

I don't usually sleep with someone I am completely unattracted to though, there is usually something about them, even if just their eyes or their hands or their sense of humour or something.

MyShoelaceIsUndone · 20/08/2021 17:04

I was 20 had dated this guy who was into drugs and not working (was working when we met) and towards the end of the relationship I couldn’t even near him to touch me , everything about him annoyed him but we still had sex because he lived in my family home, when he moved out and got off his face one night I called him and made out that he’d dumped me and I asked him if he’d meant it (he had no idea wtf I was talking about) and just went ummm I don’t remember saying that, I kept insisting he did, in the end he said If he had said it was over then it must be.
I’m royally single now and have been for many many years I do wonder if it’s karma biting my arse for all the times I’ve been a complete bitch. Hey ho

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 20/08/2021 17:08

Yeah when I was about 18 and didn't know any better and was scared if I didn't he'd take advantage anyway.