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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to ask if you ever had sex with someone you didn't fancy

81 replies

RightOrWrongAnswer · 20/08/2021 13:52

Did you ever have sex with someone you didn't especially find attractive or want to have sex with? I'm in that situation. Person who works in a firm near where I work, know each other a while, went for food/drinks a few times, then sex. He's nice, I like him as a person.

No details needed. It's a first for me, and feels a bit strange. Just wondering about others.

YABU: I've only had sex with people I really felt attracted to

YANBU: I've had sex with some people I was not really attract to

OP posts:

MulanIsChinese · 20/08/2021 13:53

Yes and I needed up marrying him! Turns out I was just a bit broken from previous relationships and once I allowed myself to give him a chance, it was great!

MulanIsChinese · 20/08/2021 13:53

Ended

honeyytoast · 20/08/2021 13:54

Yes, due to feeling a bit pressured/forcing myself to want to. Not great experiences but at least I learned from it and would never do it again

Lockheart · 20/08/2021 13:54

No, this has never ever happened to anyone in history, you are the first.

If you don't want to see him again OP then don't, you don't need MNs approval to end a relationship if you're feeling uneasy about it.

Takingonthejellybelly · 20/08/2021 13:54

This seems a very odd thread. No one should be having sex they don't want. why would you have sex with someone you're not attracted to unless its coerced/forced/pressured/expected

CuntyMcBollocks · 20/08/2021 13:54

Yes, a couple. I was very drunk though.

FuzzyClutter · 20/08/2021 13:57

Yes, didn’t fancy my bf at all when I first met him, I just shagged him because I was really pissed . But a year later we are still together and I fancy the arse off of him, he melts me every time I look at him.

AnnaSW1 · 20/08/2021 14:01

No!

inigomontoyahwillcox · 20/08/2021 14:02

Yes, once - when I was very drunk. He'd been making it clear for a long time that he fancied me, I got drunk at a party at his house and was feeling pretty insecure about myself so just went with it for an ego boost I think.

Not my finest moment.

Crockof · 20/08/2021 14:02

@Takingonthejellybelly

This seems a very odd thread. No one should be having sex they don't want. why would you have sex with someone you're not attracted to unless its coerced/forced/pressured/expected

Disagree, lots of people freely choose to have sex with someone they are not attracted to for lots of reasons which are not being forced or coerced. I've had amazing sex with someone I didn't fancy.

Bidendoesnthaveaclue · 20/08/2021 14:02

A couple, I was drunk and stupid. Thankfully I'm a bit wiser nowadays. Rather sleep then have sex! 😂

ComtesseDeSpair · 20/08/2021 14:03

Yes, guys I’d had a couple of dates with, didn’t think I fancied them, thought maybe having sex would awaken some chemistry. In one case it did; in the others it definitely didn’t.

Was yours similar to the latter? If so, fine. Just tell him that you had a great time with him but aren’t looking for a relationship.

LagunaBubbles · 20/08/2021 14:04

Of course, alcohol was usually involved with me though!

Lookingoutside · 20/08/2021 14:04

Yes. He had a big willy and was very good at the other stuff too.

I suppose it depends what you mean by ‘attracted to’. I think that can be many different things. I wouldn’t have been his girlfriend or introduced him to people. I just wanted him.

LagunaBubbles · 20/08/2021 14:05

whywould you have sex with someone you're not attracted to unless its coerced/forced/pressured/expected

All sorts of reasons. Usually it was a good way to end the night. And I wanted to.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 20/08/2021 14:06

Yes - knew he'd fancied me for ages, drank loads together one NYE, had (bad) sex. If I'm entirely honest I knew he'd never had sex before and had fairly limited opportunities to have that kind of relationship and I sort of wanted to do that for/with him.

lanbro · 20/08/2021 14:09

I often get pretty frisky when I've had a bit to drink, and have ended up with someone I wouldn't fancy in the cold light of day, surely this happens toast people at some point? I once had amazing sex with a guy I'd argued with in a club when my friend was off with his mate, we were awful to each other then ended up in bed😳

Tal45 · 20/08/2021 14:10

My first BF, I was in a very low place with my MH and he was just what I needed , honest, open, and genuinely loved me. No regrets at all that I wasn't attracted to him.

thetaleunfolds · 20/08/2021 14:39

Once. It was definitely a rebound after my long term ex and I broke up. Couldn't wait for it to be over and for him to leave and vowed to never sleep with anyone I wasn't interested in again!

Unhomme · 20/08/2021 15:00

Meh, sometimes sex is sex, fun and functional.

Original poster

RightOrWrongAnswer · 20/08/2021 15:21

Just wanted to clarify there is no coercion (I've experienced that in the past and clearly said no) or force involved (experienced that too, so I not talking about my rape or sexual assault here)

OP posts:

Fernando072020 · 20/08/2021 15:24

Yes. I wasn't attracted to my first boyfriend. He was also my "first". Not coerced or pressured. We got along really well and I felt comfortable with him so thought ah why not! 18 months I stayed with him and looking back I have no clue why I slept with him! It sounds so harsh but I just wasn't attracted to him at all but we had a "friends" connection so I think that's why🤷🏼‍♀️... I saw the light, left him and went on to have two sexual relationships with men I did find attractive, married the second.

Cas112 · 20/08/2021 15:27

Yes, my current partner haha!

We just would drunkenly end up going home together and I was always confused why it kept happening as I didn't fancy him or want anything from it. Anyway two years later we are very happy in a relationship and I absolutely fancy the pants off him!

backtothefuture · 20/08/2021 15:30

Many years ago I went to visit my DSis for a few weeks when she was working in US for summer. I was very attracted to one of her house mates, but it was not reciprocal :( Ended up sleeping with a friend of DSis after party one night. Not my type of guy, but wow he knew what doing, I still think or daydream about it from time to time. It was once off because I was going home the following day.

MintyCedric · 20/08/2021 15:31

I've come close quite recently with a guy I've been chatting to for a few months online.

When we started talking we were both after a FWB situation. I had some family stuff going on so it was a while before we met up, after which I realised that things had changed for me.

I didn't fancy him enough to have a relationship that was based on sex, and we didn't have enough in common to make a relationship work from my POV (which I suspect he may have been angling for given the multiple non saucy texts a day he was sending).

After trying to let him down gently I ended up sending him a kind but firm message and blocking him so I wasn't tempted to go back down that rabbit hole for the wrong reasons.

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