To think my partner is being unfair?

[NikkiBK]

It's my second birthday as a mum in a few weeks time. I did nothing last year for it due to COVID.

My best friend surprised me today, announcing that she's booked us a table at a local poncey cocktail bar. My partner is working on my birthday until 9pm, but my lovely mate had covered all bases and asked his brother (she works with him - we live in a very small town) if he will have DC for the evening. He has agreed. Brother had mentioned nothing yet due to it being a surprise.

Neither my partner nor his brother drive, however brother lives on the route my partner will walk home from work. So today, when my friend relayed her plans to me, I asked my partner if he'd mind going into his brothers' on his walk home from work and get a taxi the rest of the way home with DC.

My partner responded that perhaps I must regrettably accept that I don't get to do things like what we have planned anymore, due to having a kid, and write it off as a bad idea.

My other idea was to leave our son with my other lifelong friends mum overnight (my own parents are unfortunately not an option, but I care about this woman like a mother, and vice versa) who had gladly agreed, but my partner said no to that too as he doesn't trust people outside the family.

AIBU for being thoroughly pissed off?

OP, pp's have called it I think - he's been happy as Larry during lockdown as you haven't been able to go out and enjoy yourself and now you have the opportunity he is putting every obstacle in your way. My DP can be a complete arse at times but has never ever begrudged me going out. This is red flag central and I would keep a close eye on his behaviour in future. In this instance put your foot down.

This doesn't sit right with me at all.

He's purposely tainting your birthday and making it difficult for you to go out. It's like he's trying to get you to relent and agree it was a bad idea. He's trying to trap you in you bubble.

@thenewduchessofhastings

Has anyone else picked up on the fact that NikkiBK partner doesn't seem to think she's not allowed a night out with friends and is doing everything he can to ensure she doesn't go out?

Well yes. But the only person needs to know this and act on it is OP. And I suspect she's in denial.

It sounds a lot like he's sulking that he doesn't get to go out that night.

But it's not his birthday.

He's actually normally lovely. Most people are when they get their own way. There’s a reason your friend’s base covering, didn’t include talking to your partner.

Tell him this is how it is and he needs to deal with it. And next time he fancies a shag tell him "Regrettably, you must accept that you simply cannot do the things you want anymore. You have a kid."

@AgentJohnson

He's actually normally lovely. Most people are when they get their own way. There’s a reason your friend’s base covering, didn’t include talking to your partner.

Wise observation👏

My partner responded that perhaps I must regrettably accept that I don't get to do things like what we have planned anymore, due to having a kid, and write it off as a bad idea. If my partner said this my honest reaction would be laughter! Who talks like this? If he was being serious I'd be really upset as I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who had these opinions. And before I get jumped on yes I have been a single parent and whilst it's tough I found it much easier than being with someone who was generally awful/in no way right for me.

Are you really going to let him tell you that you can't go out?
He thinks he's the boss and you're just the little woman. Is that what you want your life to look like?
You need to nip this in the bud now and go out as planned. There's absolutely nothing he can do about it.

Think long and hard about staying with and having more children with such a controlling arse.