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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To continue walking through this forest?

120 replies

littlemagpies56 · 19/08/2021 23:23

My sons playgroup is a 25 minute walk from my house where I briefly cut through a foresty walk area, usually a few dog walkers there.

Recently there was a sexual assault on a women there during the afternoon and it's made me feel quite uneasy about walking that way. The man hasn't been caught. There have been a couple of assaults reported here over the years, not many however but I suppose that isn't uncommon for forestry areas, it definitely isn't a regular occurrence however.

I need to decided wether to pay for the next term of classes starting September which I was looking forward to, my son has such fun and it gets us out the house however now I can't help but feel nervous about walking through there (I hate that I feel this way now!). What would you do? :/

OP posts:
ofwarren · 20/08/2021 07:46

She won't be able to take a dog in the playgroup 🤷

Random789 · 20/08/2021 07:48

I think I probably would keep waking through the forest, partly because assaults can happen in any piece of countryside so if I cut myself off from one I would have to cut myself off from all. But also because it makes me feel so flipping furious.
Sometimes as I'm walking along I have a livid train of thought in which I bite, kick,break the nose of an imagined attacker in such an explosion of fucking fury that he is wrongfooted and i escape. I know that is an illusion, that I wouldn't be able to fight someone off successfully unless I got lucky. But I'd rather feel furious than frightened.

Laiste · 20/08/2021 08:00

You're walking there and back with your son? Honestly - no, i wouldn't. Because even IF you feel you could actually defend yourself with hairspray, sticks and rape alarms, who wants their young child to witness that happening?

Does anyone else goes that way to the play group? Do you have a local face book page you can ask for another mum to walk with you?

If not i wouldn't risk it. Not, on balance, for the sake of a playgroup. It's so shit. Flowers OP.

robotcollision · 20/08/2021 08:02

How busy is the forest with other dog walkers and families out for a stroll? Could you post in your local FB that you would love some dog walkers or other mothers to accompany you? They might be glad of the company too.

JustGiveMeGin · 20/08/2021 08:10

To all those suggesting she borrow a dog, my dog is MY family pet, I pay the insurance, food costs, vets bills and all other associated costs (of which there are many). She is not something I would just hand over because someone else is anxious about their usual activities. If you feel that way it is up to you to make alternative arrangements.
The number of comments on here about dogs being the bane of people's lives means I wouldn't let anyone other than my family take her out, I wouldn't put her in a position to upset anyone so she doesn't leave my/my families sight.
Please think about that when suggesting people 'borrow' dogs. They are not a community commodity, if you want one get one and put the work in that comes with owning them.

Polkabott · 20/08/2021 08:17

To be honest with dog thefts currently I don't think it's any safer in general going with a dog.

Is there someone who can give you a lift OP?

Laiste · 20/08/2021 08:18

@JustGiveMeGin

I agree about the dog thing.
A dog might be a visual deterrent but not all of them would be any use at all in an attack. Especially not being with their owner. My great dane would have ran away. Great visual deterrent but a lovely coward. My very miniature dachsund, however, would have been furious and jumped up and bitten their ankles!

UserStillatLarge · 20/08/2021 08:19

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I would.

Because unless you avoid leaving the house altogether, there is always going to be risk of sexual assault. Of course you should take steps to ensure your safety, but if walking this way is the only way to get from your area to the other area, it doesn't sound like we're talking lonely moor miles away from anyone - there is likely to be other people about and it's broad daylight. I walk what sounds a similar route to get to work (well I did before I wfh) and other than being a bit more alert when it got dark, I didn't consider it any more dangerous than walking round the road.

Someone was stabbed 5 minutes away from my house on the "alley" that forms the main cutthrough from my area to the next area. Half the parents at our local school use it to get their children to school. It's just not practical to always avoid "dangerous" places.

YanTanTethera123 · 20/08/2021 08:21

No I definitely wouldn’t risk it. No rape alarm etc will make a blind bit of difference if there’s no one within earshot. If your son is with you I would be worried about his safety too.

UserStillatLarge · 20/08/2021 08:21

How long is the walk through the actual forestry bit? You say "briefly" which suggests that this is a fairly small part of a longer walk.

Haggisfish3 · 20/08/2021 08:23

I would still walk there.

JustGiveMeGin · 20/08/2021 08:25

@Laiste it just annoys me so much, the anti dog sentiment on here at the moment Is unbelievable....unless someone feels threatened, then we should apparently be happy to hand them over (does the OP even have any experience with dogs? Might be worth finding out before suggesting borrowing one!)
This is my own personal rant and has no bearing on the OP, I just wish people thought through their helpful suggestions and realised the impact it could have on others (I'm sure if someone asked to borrow my dog for this reason they would be offended when I said no!)

Ourlady · 20/08/2021 08:38

I wouldn't be prepared to take the chance. You will have your child with you presumably in a pushchair so it's not as if you could run away.
Too risky for you and your child.
Are there no buses to get you there?

Kendodd · 20/08/2021 08:42

I'd still walk though.
Fully aware that if I was assaulted I'd be blamed for the attack myself because I'd dared to walk through a wood.

aiwblam · 20/08/2021 08:43

I wouldn’t risk it personally. Would an Uber be affordable?

sillysmiles · 20/08/2021 08:46

I would. I would also be really pissed that I felt I needed to stop doing something I wanted to do because of this.

I would make sure not to wear headphones though.

Dogscanteatonions · 20/08/2021 08:49

I'm a high grade black belt martial artist and I probably wouldn't

Widown · 20/08/2021 09:02

I will be concerned for the safety of my child more than me. I won’t do it

BreatheAndFocus · 20/08/2021 09:05

I wouldn’t walk through it. I used to walk in a forest every day but then had to report a creepy guy hanging around there. I tried to go back a few times after that and saw other new men there. It wasn’t a quiet, safe, familiar walk anymore. So sad.

I’d walk round it or get a bus or a lift, or simply find another playgroup. I know that’s ‘giving in’, but it seems most sensible to me.

OlympicProcrastinator · 20/08/2021 09:13

But and carry a rape alarm. Remember most women are not attacked or assaulted by strangers they are attacked by someone they know

This always gets said on these threads. Yet during my life time I have been harassed and groped hundreds of times but complete strangers and never by any man close to me. Women around me say the same thing. Most of us have a story about a flasher / groper / stalker / harasser not known to us. I think the statistics reflect murders. Women are more likely to be murdered by a partner or ex partner but for me and for many women I know, particularly when we were teens to early 30’s, we ran a constant gauntlet of threats from strange men.

I would continue with great caution OP.

OlympicProcrastinator · 20/08/2021 09:16

by complete strangers. Not ‘but’ Hmm bloody autocorrect.

Laiste · 20/08/2021 09:17

@BreatheAndFocus - ''I know that’s ‘giving in’, but it seems most sensible to me.''

The giving in comment is at the root of this discussion isn't it.

For me - if i wasn't walking with a child I wouldn't 'give in'. I'd walk through the forest (on high alert DEFCON 1) and refuse to have my life affected by these men.

I grew up in central london and now live in the countryside and it has it's parallels re: woman walking alone after dark. As a teen i used to take massive risks with my safety and wouldn't be dictated to about where and when i could walk.

With a young child in tow though? No. No way on earth i'd risk it, if i could avoid it, if i had child/children with me.

Hardploc · 20/08/2021 09:20

No chance

Warmduscher · 20/08/2021 09:22

To all those suggesting she borrow a dog, my dog is MY family pet, I pay the insurance, food costs, vets bills and all other associated costs (of which there are many). She is not something I would just hand over because someone else is anxious about their usual activities. If you feel that way it is up to you to make alternative arrangements.

I agree with you about the dog thing, but the OP isn’t feeling “anxious about her usual activities”. Her usual activities have been made potentially more dangerous because someone attacked a woman on the only route to collect her child from playgroup. You sound very hard-hearted.

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