My garden, my business?

[ImprobablePuffin]

Background: I live in an HA property. I'm a SEN with two SEN children. They have a lot of sensory needs among many other things.

I would like to have a part of my front garden as a wildflower meadow, partly for sensory reasons, partly because I love nature and think it's far more beautiful than a perfectly kept lawn etc.

Anyway I tried to do this a couple of years ago but the neighbour (not HA - possibly relevant) complained to the HA about the 'overgrown' garden and I was threatened with an ASBO unless we cut all the wildflowers and grasses down (I didn't even know you could get an ASBO for this!)

So I cut all the flowers down and now the garden looks awful in my opinion. I don't have time to garden which is why I wanted a natural wildflower garden. Next door spend a lot of time tending their front garden, they are child free by choice and have time to do this. Having two SEN kids does not afford me this luxury, so out the front nothing pretty grows.
I also know some people think wildflowers look messy which is why I wonder if AIBU.

My question is AIBU for planting the wildflowers? WIBU if I did it again? Why does the neighbours preference trump mine? If I owned my property they wouldn't get a say, so why do they get a say just because I needed a HA property due to not being able to work because of the kids. It all just feels a bit unfair.

The HA are being unreasonable if you have a well maintained wildflower bed.

TBH though, if you just chuck a packet of wildflower seeds and grass down, they probably will soon look a mess and be a nuisance invading your neighbours' gardens and little help to the bees after the first year.

A wildflower meadow like Wimowehwimowehwimowehwimoweh posted takes maintenance, @ImprobablePuffin. You'll have to dig it up every year. Poppies, cornflowers and all those beautiful wild flowers are pioneer species so they need bare earth for their seeds to grow next year, otherwise they will outcompeted by grass and less "pretty" wildflowers. Although they will probably find the find the bare earth they need in your neighbour's neatly tended flower beds

Although we need to plant native species to support bees, bee bombs and those mixed packets of seeds that have grass seed mixed in are not a great way to do that and you will probably just end up with an overgrown mess the next year of mostly grass with few flowers and not the pretty wildflowers you want. Wild flower beds are certainly not low maintenance.

Why don't you come over to the gardening board and see if we can come up with ideas for a low maintenance, sensory garden of native flowers that won't revert to grass (no good for bees) and come back every year?

@zingally

There is a difference between "wild flower meadow", and "I haven't got time to mow."... Be really, really honest with yourself. You don't need to say it here, but which is it?

Problem is, in a HA house, there is a certain amount of "you have to toe the line." For the sake of a once a fortnight mow, it's really not worth getting on the HA mental list as "difficult neighbours".

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you having a conversation with the HA, and being honest and saying "I'm having trouble keeping on top of the garden, because of XYZ reason." They WILL help you, and appreciate the honesty.

Ok being really really honest with myself....I like wildflower gardens. It's not a case of not mowing, the bits that need mowing get mowed I just wanted some wildflowers in the existing beds because I don't have time to faff about and I'm very pro bee conservation

@zingally the HA absolutely do not help you if you say you are struggling. I've tried. My kids couldn't go in their own garden for 3 years because HA refused to help me make it safe for the kids.

@Chloemol

Yes YABU. Whilst I understand what you want to do wildflowers look messy, and most front gardens are not wildflower meadows. If you want to do it at the back, where no one sees then ok

If you don’t have time to do the grant garden grass it so you only need to mow and put wildflowers in pots. Or pave it over

Eurgh but paving it over is literally the worst thing you could do environmentally and I refuse to do that because my neighbours are dicks.

Wild flower gardens do take quite a bit of work though.

I think its just difficult to imagine because we aren't there

On the one hand you could imagine a lovely wildflower meadow type effect. On the otherhand, it could really easily just look like no one's bothered and its neglected.

If you can balance it so you have the wildflowers, but also keep bits neat, it should be a wint win for you

I live in an HA house and have rewilded the front garden- not the back as that would not be good for poo picking (we have a dog and foxes also like to visit us). It would also be too easy for potentially poisonous plants to seed there- front garden is much smaller and can be properly managed. You do need to actively manage wild gardens to ensure nothing is taking over but it's much more enjoyable than trying to keep everything pristine as you're working with nature, not against it.

I keep an 18 inch wide 'courtesy strip' along the path and the side adjacent to the pavement strimmed short so that no one walking by or making deliveries needs to worry about pollen or wet plants on their clothes.

If the HA made a fuss, I think my answer would be along the lines of 'sure, as soon as you've fixed all the dangerous, crumbling concrete which is what actually makes the garden look crummy, I'll be happy to compromise'. Also how would you get an ASBO? It's some long grass, not mattresses and rat-attracting rubbish!

The HA were going to give me an ASBO but I basically explained about the situation with the kids etc and she said she would 'sort it' so I didn't get one
I'm a bit confused. Do you mean you would have been allowed to keep the wildflower garden?

Use pictoral meadows mixes - they are designed for an extra long season so you dont get that messy bit mid summer onwards.

Use a few bits of turf round the edges. So you have a grass edge which you can mow occasionally. This makes it look neat, cared for and purposeful.

I would use that information posted up thread to make a case for having a wildflower garden and try going to the HA first to get them on board before doing it.

I think you need to edge it properly so you're clearly defining your garden and it's separate from your neighbour's. I'd get some wooden garden edging and use it to make a couple of wildflower 'beds' with a defined shape. Then I'd use some scrap or reclaimed wood or garden tiles to make a path in between the beds and have a spot for a garden bench or chair.

@LemonSwan

Use pictoral meadows mixes - they are designed for an extra long season so you dont get that messy bit mid summer onwards.

Use a few bits of turf round the edges. So you have a grass edge which you can mow occasionally. This makes it look neat, cared for and purposeful.

Yes, Pictorial Meadows have great mixes. OP needs a perennial mix if she wants it to come back year after year without needing to clear the earth and reseed annually. She will still need to weed out any self-seeded undesirable plants and grass that will outcompete the wild flowers she wants and cut it back and clear it several times over the summer.

Also, you can't mix them with grass like the OP says she did. Her DC won't be able to play in it without damaging it either. They do have some mixes that can take light pedestrian use though.

www.pictorialmeadows.co.uk/product-category/perennial-meadow-seeds/

the bits that need mowing get mowed

That's the thing, wildflower meadows do need cutting still, OP.

The beautiful flower meadow pictured is unfortunately not going to come back year after year unless the soil is ploughed or it is resown so unlikely to be suitable for the time poor OP or even the average garden. They are annuals that have evolved to reseed in a ploughed corn field, they need the earth to be disturbed. That's why so many wild meadows are rubbish the second year.

A flower meadow doesn't mean no work - especially when you have to cut it and it's thigh high. I have perennials - ox eye daisies, musk mallow, scabious, yarrow, vetch, knapweed, forget me nots, buttercups, campions etc and have to cut the grass heads back so they don't self seed and take over during the summer and then cut the whole thing back early September. If your flower meadow is in small areas such as beds I think it's really important to ensure it is more flowers and less grass or it looks a mess - if it's a bigger area you can get away with more grass and perhaps mow a path through it to show it's not just been left when there aren't many flowers blooming.

I would consider not worrying too much about wild flowers and just grow some reliable perennials or reliable self seeders if you're just doing it in borders - the insects don't know the difference as long as they can get to the nectar. Good old nasturtiums are really easy to grow from seed and like poor soil that hasn't been improved, I've had huge success with growing calendula from seed as well in my heavy clay soil that I struggle to grow anything in, musk mallow I think is gorgeous and also grew easily from seed. If you have a shady part then the bees love pulmonaria and it doesn't need any looking after or you could grow some herbs, chives, thyme, rosemary, mint (mint is a bit of a thug though so watch out there!) and all are popular with bees.

If you don't work and your children are at school how are you not finding the time to do a bit of gardening?

I like the wild flower look, but I agree that you need to tame some of your garden so it doesn't look neglected.

Honestly, you could have a very wild patch so long as you mowed perfectly symmetrical path, or spiral, or circle or other clear and definite shape through it. It makes it look deliberate and cared for rather than abandoned mess. It’s a bugger to lay it out the first time, but after that it’s much quicker than mowing the whole area would be.

Just sprinkling flower seed over established grass and never mowing it won’t make for a good wildflower patch.

Have you tried approaching the HA, explaining that you and your DC have special needs, and asking for permission? Under the Equality Act they have a duty to make "reasonable adjustment" for disabilities. If you get their permission to grow wild flowers that will trump anything the whingey neighbour might say.

@IntermittentParps

The HA were going to give me an ASBO but I basically explained about the situation with the kids etc and she said she would 'sort it' so I didn't get one I'm a bit confused. Do you mean you would have been allowed to keep the wildflower garden?

No I had to get rid of the wildflowers but I was going to get an ASBO anyway but the HO then made sure it didn't happen after I explained situation

Like others have said, a 'wildflower garden' is not really something for someone who doesn't want to garden, and after year one won't be attracting bees, it will just be tall messy grass.

There are however some lovely and low maintenance options - I don't love the grind of regular gardening but do love nice smells and wildlife, and have lots of lavender and some rosemary, chives, thyme, buddleias, and poppies. The lavender and herbs smell nice, it all attracts lots of bees and butterflies, and they come back every year, need minimal watering and just some cutting back for the buddleia, which tries to explode in size every spring.

The other thing is that for my SEN child, gardening has been a hugely beneficial and regulating activity. She likes the routine and small wins of clearing weeds, she has become fiercely protective of her bee and bug visitors, and the extra exercise and outdoor time has also helped with both her motor skills and hyperactivity. She and her siblings will also eat more food when it's cooked with herbs they've grown! We have learnt together through online forums, and been given most of the plants and seeds from others on our street, if you're tight on budget just ask on Nextdoor or FB and I'm sure lots of gardeners would love to help with cuttings and seeds.

Check out this bloke called Evening Gardener on Instagram. He has a wildflower front garden in an estate and it always looks fabulous. You may be able to get some tips about how to make it look good without too much work.
www.instagram.com/evening_gardener/?hl=en

You absolutely can have a wildflower garden in a residential street. This guy went viral on instagram last year and says he constantly has people stopping to admire his garden.

@ShinyMe

Check out this bloke called Evening Gardener on Instagram. He has a wildflower front garden in an estate and it always looks fabulous. You may be able to get some tips about how to make it look good without too much work. www.instagram.com/evening_gardener/?hl=en

You absolutely can have a wildflower garden in a residential street. This guy went viral on instagram last year and says he constantly has people stopping to admire his garden.

It's a lot of work to do what he does, half his Instagram is about how he's put down skiploads of dirt, cuts it all down every autumn etc. (And even then I guarantee there are curtain twitchers who don't like it, though I think it's gorgeous)

Bees also love sage, rosemary, lavender wild geranium - all easy to grow, low maintenance perennials. Maybe plant some of those with wildflowers in pots or in between?

@RampantIvy

If you don't work and your children are at school how are you not finding the time to do a bit of gardening?

I like the wild flower look, but I agree that you need to tame some of your garden so it doesn't look neglected.

Because I have plenty of other things I have to do while they're at school that I can't do when they're here? Is that so baffling?

@memberofthewedding

Have you tried approaching the HA, explaining that you and your DC have special needs, and asking for permission? Under the Equality Act they have a duty to make "reasonable adjustment" for disabilities. If you get their permission to grow wild flowers that will trump anything the whingey neighbour might say.

Yes I did that after the initial complaint was made about me but I still had to cut it back.

Just to clarify the garden was not an overgrown mess I put the wildflowers in the existing empty beds so not in and amongst all the grass etc as some have suggested. Sorry if that was not made clear. The neighbours dislike any 'wild' looking gardens because they like perfectly manicured beds and that is what I don't have time for

Also to clarify it's not that I can't do ANY gardening, I just don't have time for hours of upkeep and I'm very invested in local wildlife conservation so that is why I chose wildflowers

I think the suggestions of the herbs is a good idea, a supermarket rosemary is cheap as chips and i've always had success with them. Mint and chives in pots, keep an eye out for reduced lavender and other low maintinence plants. Things like scabious and achillea are good for hoverflies which are also important. :)

I know its crap not being able to have exactly what you want, but you can still help the pollinators a lot that way. Maybe add a little bee house somewhere too? Or would your dc be able to make a wee bug box with you perhaps to get them involved?