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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My garden, my business?

116 replies

ImprobablePuffin · 19/08/2021 12:10

Background: I live in an HA property. I'm a SEN with two SEN children. They have a lot of sensory needs among many other things.

I would like to have a part of my front garden as a wildflower meadow, partly for sensory reasons, partly because I love nature and think it's far more beautiful than a perfectly kept lawn etc.

Anyway I tried to do this a couple of years ago but the neighbour (not HA - possibly relevant) complained to the HA about the 'overgrown' garden and I was threatened with an ASBO unless we cut all the wildflowers and grasses down (I didn't even know you could get an ASBO for this!)

So I cut all the flowers down and now the garden looks awful in my opinion. I don't have time to garden which is why I wanted a natural wildflower garden. Next door spend a lot of time tending their front garden, they are child free by choice and have time to do this. Having two SEN kids does not afford me this luxury, so out the front nothing pretty grows.
I also know some people think wildflowers look messy which is why I wonder if AIBU.

My question is AIBU for planting the wildflowers? WIBU if I did it again? Why does the neighbours preference trump mine? If I owned my property they wouldn't get a say, so why do they get a say just because I needed a HA property due to not being able to work because of the kids. It all just feels a bit unfair.

OP posts:
UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 19/08/2021 12:44

I also vastly prefer wildflowers to overly manicured gardens. I live somewhere where people definitely over manicure their gardens and there's a trend for an incredible amount of ornamentation, especially blown glass balls everywhere...

However the trend this year appears to be have most of the garden as lawn/ meadow - people mow a wide area around the outside of the garden and have a very defined area as wildflower meadow in the centre!

Its almost like a traditional garden inside out, with the (wild) flowers in the middle instead of flower beds around the outside, or like a lawn as picture frame around a living painting of a meadow.

Its certainly done as a very clear statement to say "the wildflower meadow is deliberate, not neglect - observe how manicured the 2/3/4 meter 'frame' around the meadow area is and how razor sharp the definition of the edges are"

There are a surprising number of front gardens done exactly this way in the villages around mine and around where I work.

zingally · 19/08/2021 12:48

There is a difference between "wild flower meadow", and "I haven't got time to mow."... Be really, really honest with yourself. You don't need to say it here, but which is it?

Problem is, in a HA house, there is a certain amount of "you have to toe the line." For the sake of a once a fortnight mow, it's really not worth getting on the HA mental list as "difficult neighbours".

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you having a conversation with the HA, and being honest and saying "I'm having trouble keeping on top of the garden, because of XYZ reason." They WILL help you, and appreciate the honesty.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 19/08/2021 12:55

@zingally

There is a difference between "wild flower meadow", and "I haven't got time to mow."... Be really, really honest with yourself. You don't need to say it here, but which is it?

Problem is, in a HA house, there is a certain amount of "you have to toe the line." For the sake of a once a fortnight mow, it's really not worth getting on the HA mental list as "difficult neighbours".

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you having a conversation with the HA, and being honest and saying "I'm having trouble keeping on top of the garden, because of XYZ reason." They WILL help you, and appreciate the honesty.

OP has already stated she doesn't have the time to keep a perfectly manicured garden. I wouldn't either and would chose to have a wildflower garden any day of the week
Howshouldibehave · 19/08/2021 12:57

Have you got a photo of the area? People might be able give some suggestions of what to do? I’ve had some brilliant suggestions from the gardening forum of things to do on here!

burritofan · 19/08/2021 12:59

I’d get in touch with your council, find out their net zero plan, talk to this lot: plantlife.love-wildflowers.org.uk/roadvergecampaign/inspiring-stories and generally put together a case to the HA that not mowing is a green choice

Chloemol · 19/08/2021 13:00

Yes YABU. Whilst I understand what you want to do wildflowers look messy, and most front gardens are not wildflower meadows. If you want to do it at the back, where no one sees then ok

If you don’t have time to do the grant garden grass it so you only need to mow and put wildflowers in pots. Or pave it over

YetAnotherSpartacus · 19/08/2021 13:01

Wildflower gardens just look messy, sorry. Nobody wants to live in a messy, overgrown area and if it brings the tone of the place down then you either need to tidy it up into a proper garden or give it up

Margo Leadbetter would agree.

DismantledKing · 19/08/2021 13:03

Good for you for doing your bit to help pollinators. I agree with PP that pots are probably the way to go to avoid upsetting snotty neighbours.

Wimowehwimowehwimowehwimoweh · 19/08/2021 13:05

@pinkcircustop

Wildflower gardens just look messy, sorry. Nobody wants to live in a messy, overgrown area and if it brings the tone of the place down then you either need to tidy it up into a proper garden or give it up.
I disagree, thankfully so do many others or the the supermarkets will start running really short of foods we all take for granted. www.bbc.com/future/article/20140502-what-if-bees-went-extinct
My garden, my business?
PickleAF · 19/08/2021 13:05

Could you maybe get some large planters and have them as wildflower planters to go on the edge / middle of your garden?

If you just let your entire garden go to wildflowers your neighbours might be concerned with how it looks (to be honest unless they're in bloom they can look quite ragged!) which I think is reasonable, but also it might impact their garden as your wildflowers would seed and spread. Planters could be a good compromise!

DismantledKing · 19/08/2021 13:06

Wildflower gardens just look messy, sorry. Nobody wants to live in a messy, overgrown area and if it brings the tone of the place down then you either need to tidy it up into a proper garden or give it up

Shouldn’t you be busy planning one of your candlelight suppers Hyacinth?

Sacreblue · 19/08/2021 13:09

Seems a bit over dramatic from the HA

I might faint from surprise if my HA complained/took action on this.

They can’t even repair necessary shit without a mountain of contact, so would be massively over-reaching if they were more concerned about the ‘look’ of a place rather than the actual function of drains/gutters/fences/plumbing etc etc

kaleidoscopeheartless · 19/08/2021 13:12

Can't you do it in your back garden?

burritofan · 19/08/2021 13:14

Whilst I understand what you want to do wildflowers look messy, and most front gardens are not wildflower meadows. If you want to do it at the back, where no one sees then ok
Heaven forfend someone sees nature!

As for flowers seeding in your neighbour’s garden… that can happen with things in planters too, and any garden. Birds shit seeds too.

I’d genuinely get your local council involved, or write to your MP. No one should be threatened with an ASBO for encouraging wildlife, even if it looks “messy”.

EvenRosesHaveThorns · 19/08/2021 13:19

Do a circle or rows of wildflowers with a bee sign and keep the perimeter of them looking like Ascot, they surely can't complain then

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/08/2021 13:19

Some people here are bit unfair. There is nature and then there is a mess. I saw some lovely wildflower meadowns and some... Well... Looking more like no one actually touched the garden in years.
They still require level of care otherwise they end up mess.
Pots are great solution.
There are also much less hassly bee friendly things like butterfly bush in a big pot (or soil) or lavender to mention two which were big hit in my garden. If you don't want lawn to cut, creeping thyme. Or the clover which also flowers and doesn't need watering as it is properly resistant thing.

EvenRosesHaveThorns · 19/08/2021 13:21

As for wildflowers bringing a place down... What a loathesome contempt for nature and plant life

LookItsMeAgain · 19/08/2021 13:21

Our local council has started planting wildflower beds in the central median of our local roads around here. It's lovely to see. They are exactly like the image that @Wimowehwimowehwimowehwimoweh posted up. Loads of colour.
We've been narrowing the types of pollen that bees collect and that is impacting on the global environment. The more diversity there is the better.
I would be telling the council and nosey neighbours that I'm doing my bit for the environment and for the planet and I'm not cutting down my wildflowers. Let them take me to court first!

Moonface123 · 19/08/2021 13:24

My front garden is full of foxgloves, Hollyhocks and poppies. They seed very easily, and the bees and butterflies love them. I do have a very very small lawn that l try and keep neat. I have small wooden hanging signs such wild and free, wild flower garden etc, to justify the relaxed natural look.

DismantledKing · 19/08/2021 13:26

@EvenRosesHaveThorns

As for wildflowers bringing a place down... What a loathesome contempt for nature and plant life
This
Hedgesfullofbirds · 19/08/2021 13:33

Well, isn't this a sad state of affairs - along with hedges constantly being manicured to 'perfection' by tidy minded 'gardeners' fake grass and paved front gardens, it is now infra dig to dare to have any wild flowers in one's garden! Thank the Lord I live very rurally with no neighbours and can leave my hedges uncut until autumn to allow birds to nest and support other wildlife. My lawns are full of clover, self heal, buttercups, black medic, trefoil and many other wild flowers and the garden is full of insects - I would have it no other way, even if I had moany neighbours.

theemmadilemma · 19/08/2021 13:35

@LookItsMeAgain

Our local council has started planting wildflower beds in the central median of our local roads around here. It's lovely to see. They are exactly like the image that *@Wimowehwimowehwimowehwimoweh* posted up. Loads of colour. We've been narrowing the types of pollen that bees collect and that is impacting on the global environment. The more diversity there is the better. I would be telling the council and nosey neighbours that I'm doing my bit for the environment and for the planet and I'm not cutting down my wildflowers. Let them take me to court first!
Same here. Rotherham? They extended it again this year and it's just beautiful to see!
Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 19/08/2021 13:56

@Dixiechickonhols

What does your tenancy agreement say? You must have been in breach of agreement for them to take action. Can’t you have wildflowers at back and have front in keeping with neighbours. Private owners it’s their house so can do what they like unless there are covenants.
No I can't keep the front 'in keeping' with the neighbours as I don't have the time to meet their standards.

Tenancy agreement was not breached. HA say they have to take complaints seriously no matter what they are.

For context, the same neighbours complained about the minibus (that comes and collects the kids for school as their school is an hour away) and the HA said because of the complaint the mini bus wasn't allowed down our road anymore. I kicked up a stink on that one because my children shouldn't have to suffer for the neighbours preferences

OP posts:
Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 19/08/2021 13:57

@pinkcircustop

Wildflower gardens just look messy, sorry. Nobody wants to live in a messy, overgrown area and if it brings the tone of the place down then you either need to tidy it up into a proper garden or give it up.
Sorry give up my house because I don't have time to garden?
OP posts:
Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 19/08/2021 14:05

@IntermittentParps

Ridiculous. Wildflower gardens are becoming more and more important. In my neighbourhood there are lots, including on traffic islands and in council estates.

I also don't think you should have to muck about with borders and planters as people here are suggesting. Just plant them and fuck the neighbours. They need a life if they're so upset by someone else's flowers and tall grass.

When you say 'threatened with an ASBO' do you mean formally/legally? or just that someone said it to you? I'd be looking into/asking the council exactly what you can get an ASBO for.

Wildflower gardens just look messy, sorry. Nobody wants to live in a messy, overgrown area and if it brings the tone of the place down then you either need to tidy it up into a proper garden or give it up.
Hyacinth Bucket is here Grin

The HA were going to give me an ASBO but I basically explained about the situation with the kids etc and she said she would 'sort it' so I didn't get one
OP posts:
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