Ex’s DM contacted me

[ThisIsWeirdRight]

We were together throughout our 20s but split 4 years ago when he proposed but I realised how much we had changed and didn’t want to marry him.

About 6 months after we split he met someone else and though we had remained friends, out of respect for his new girlfriend (who was understandably insecure about our continued friendship) I decided to block all means of communication.

Recently I received a message on FB from his DM saying that they were getting married and that she thought I ought to know.

AIBU to think that that is weird and wonder what her agenda is? It’s been nearly 4 years with no contact with him or any of his family. She would have had to go to the trouble of looking me up on FB to find me and it won’t have been easy as I did a big clear out of fb friends a couple of years ago and am she and I have no friends in common.

She doesn't like the new girlfriend and is hoping you'll burst into the church in a black veil wailing"it should have been ME!".

MIL preferred DH's ex to me and this would have been her dream wedding scenario

Pleeeeease play along and do the 'it should have been me!' Act from Vicar of Dibley!

Pleeeeease play along and do the 'it should have been me!' Act from Vicar of Dibley!

I don't think I can offer more than what's already been said!

That's weird. I pity his new partner; you clearly dodged something there with her!

I wouldn't read too much into it. Whatever her reasons unless you still have feelings for him it isn't going to change your life.

That's really weird and totally inappropriate. I wouldn't respond and I would block her.

@Clocktopus

I think definitely not! She was raving about what a wonderful girl she is and how lucky ex was to have found her.

We did get on well when I was with ex but I never felt that close.

Should I even reply?

Are you going to reply? I’d go with a breezy “Wow, your message was a blast from the past, I haven’t thought about for years, am glad to hear he’s happy and moved on”

Should I even reply?

Hell NO. She's fishing for something, so don't be a mug.

Maybe she just wanted to give you a heads up, in case you came across photos/posts from wedding guests and had a pang of regret? Or didn't want you to be on the back foot should you bump into them/mutual friends... There could be all sorts of reasons, why does she need an "agenda"? Did you get on with her ok?

X posted. I would reply, wishing them all the best. Then you can block, if you feel the need.

I would only respond to CC your ex and his fiancé!

As you were the one who pulled the plug on the relationship I think she is trying to rub your nose in it personally.
If she wanted you to get back with him she would have been keeping in touch.
Ignore and don't respond is my advice (or be catty and reply saying you got married 6 months ago actually ))

Do you think she's trying to piss you off? Was she quite a dramatic, bitchy person when you were with her son? Unless she just thinks you've a "right" to know, and in case you're still longing for her son and thinking you shouldn't have dumped him. But whatever she's done it for at least you can just ignore her, her poor son and DIL are going to have to have her sticking her oar in for years to come.

She was raving about what a wonderful girl she is and how lucky ex was to have found her.

I think she's hoping you'll be terribly sorry that you dumped her darling son.

I wouldn't reply at all.

Don’t even give her the time of day she is obviously trying to get a reaction out of you.
Even if you replied with a ‘I’m so happy for them’ she would think you were lying. Best thing is to ignore and not give her what she wants.

She’s rubbing your nose in it. If it were me I’d screenshot and post it on her wall with a reply saying you have moved on and would prefer she didn’t contact you again.

Honestly I would see it as a thoughtful thing to do. You were together for a long time and she may feel, as I would, you would like to know in advance rather than hearing about it on the grapevine.
Maybe you have history with her though and know the heads up wasn't meant kindly.

She's one of those Lynda La Plante-seque matriarchs who is immovable in her stance that her son represents the absolute best that any woman can do, and the knowledge that he is shortly to marry someone else will cause you the kind of pain that can be lessened only slightly by her delivering the news.

I've met many women like this, sadly.

@LobotomisedIceSkatingFan

She's one of those Lynda La Plante-seque matriarchs who is immovable in her stance that her son represents the absolute best that any woman can do, and the knowledge that he is shortly to marry someone else will cause you the kind of pain that can be lessened only slightly by her delivering the news.

I've met many women like this, sadly.

This is exactly what I think, too.

She or they could’ve made the wedding up & it’s could be a plot to get you back together. Whatever, just ignore her.

Reply "congratulations to you all, and tell the bride to be I never believed those stories written about her on the wall of the gents toilet in the local 💐"

Or just ignore her trying to rub your face in it.

@MagnoliaBeige

Are you going to reply? I’d go with a breezy “Wow, your message was a blast from the past, I haven’t thought about for years, am glad to hear he’s happy and moved on”

I like this!

I probably wouldn’t reply as I wouldn’t entirely trust her motives for messaging in the first place but if I did reply, I’d keep it fairly light and unbothered, lovely news for the family, glad he’s happy etc