Ex’s DM contacted me

[ThisIsWeirdRight]

We were together throughout our 20s but split 4 years ago when he proposed but I realised how much we had changed and didn’t want to marry him.

About 6 months after we split he met someone else and though we had remained friends, out of respect for his new girlfriend (who was understandably insecure about our continued friendship) I decided to block all means of communication.

Recently I received a message on FB from his DM saying that they were getting married and that she thought I ought to know.

AIBU to think that that is weird and wonder what her agenda is? It’s been nearly 4 years with no contact with him or any of his family. She would have had to go to the trouble of looking me up on FB to find me and it won’t have been easy as I did a big clear out of fb friends a couple of years ago and am she and I have no friends in common.

Maybe she genuinely did want to give you a heads up in case you saw it and were upset - if he was your first love or whatever.

I'd send back a nice, generic message and think no more about it.

After four years, yes, but OP says they were together "throughout (their) twenties", and it ended with a proposal, so a fairly serious relationship. And time passes faster when you're older, my dgs was just born yesterday but starts high school tomorrow! So four years isn't that long, really.

I have a few friends who have been really shocked and surprised at their reaction to their ex's getting married, even when they initiated the split. I think she knew this and was trying to make sure you weren't blindsided if you found out. I think it was a really nice thing for her to do actually.

Just ignore the message and block her from social media. It's not worth engaging with her, whatever her reasons were for telling you.

"I'm so glad he's been able to move on, too. Best wishes to you all".
Then block...

@HirplesWithHaggis

Maybe she just wanted to give you a heads up, in case you came across photos/posts from wedding guests and had a pang of regret? Or didn't want you to be on the back foot should you bump into them/mutual friends... There could be all sorts of reasons, why does she need an "agenda"? Did you get on with her ok?

Not all MILs and ex-MILs are scheming, spiteful and deranged. Maybe answer nicely? Glad to hear from you, hope wedding goes great or something pleasant?

Are you going to reply? I’d go with a breezy “Wow, your message was a blast from the past, I haven’t thought about for years, am glad to hear he’s happy and moved on” oh god don't do that! the "oh I haven't thought about them for years" will look false and like you're trying too hard!

If you want to reply Just say something like "How lovely, congratulations to you all" - something totally generic.

My Ex's DM felt it necessary to ring me to tell me the my ex and his new partner were engaged, I asked her to pass on my congratulations.. not sure what kind of reaction she wanted from me either tbh.. I'm pregnant and engaged myself, what he does is no concern of mine, like what I do is no concern of theirs, I didn't ring them and tell them 🤣🤣 people are weird!

I'd just assume she was trying to be kind as I honestly believe it makes me a happier person to see the positives in situations where you'll never find the motive.

Goodness me, what a strange message to receive. Does [her son's name] [and fiancee] know you sent it? I can't think why you contacted me and don't expect to hear from you again Are people really this rude for no reason?!

She might be trying to be kind. Or not. Impossible to say without knowing her. I'd not ignore her or send a snarky reply in case she really is just trying to give you a heads up and spare you any hurt feelings from finding out on FB.
If you were together for a long time she maybe thought of you like family. I'd send a 'How lovely, congratulations to you all' type message.

"That's nice".👍

I'd love to send something sarcastic. Because I'm petty and believe she's done it with the intention of upsetting you.

But I would probably send something boring and congratulatory. Or totally ghost her.

Or 'New phone, who dis?'

Just ignore and block

@Chicchicchicchiclana

"Goodness me, what a strange message to receive. Does [her son's name] [and fiancee] know you sent it? I can't think why you contacted me and don't expect to hear from you again."

This is brilliant. Laughed so much. I would ignore and block. Don't be drawn into the potential weirdness

A polite reply along the lines of “You’ll be shopping for a new frock then, hope they have a long and happy life together” would do the trick for me

I’d probably answer something breezy like, “how lovely for them. Give them my best wishes” and leave it at that.

I’d ignore it. Delete and block

I sent my exH a message to let him know I was pregnant with my now DH.

Might sound weird but we were together for 16 years and had tried many times to have children and it never happened so I knew if he had got someone pregnant I would be upset so I was being nice to him.

But that's a different scenario, so I find the ex mil here a bit weird.

IF you are going to reply simply say it as it is...

"Hey (insert name), been a while. Hope you're doing well. Just wondering why you went through the effort of seeking me out on social media after all these years just to tell me that? A bit of strange message to send don't you think? I'm really glad that (Ex's name) is happy & he deserves the best. Hope they both have a lifetime of happiness together. All the best for the future, (your name)

People can't stand when you actually call them out on their BS. She obviously thinks you're going to be sitting around crying about this news and you haven't moved on🤷🏻‍♀️😂

“Oh wonderful news, I know how you’ve been looking forward to this day! Congratulations to all!” Block, ignore

I wouldn't even reply...
Sounds like she wants you to feel regret/pain especially if you didn't get on and she's saying what wonderful girl she is. Don't give her the satisfaction of looking like you care!

@ThisIsWeirdRight

I wonder if it’s that she wants me to know because she’s the sort of idiot that thinks the first person to get married after a split is the ”winner”. She was always quite competitive and hated that ex was pushing 30 and unmarried when all her friends children were coupled up. It was one of the reasons he proposed in the first place I think.

Then I'd send a cryptic reply so she can't work out whether he's the "winner" or not

"What great news - though it hadn't occurred to me that we should notify each other when getting married, so my apologies. Marriage is wonderful. I wish him all the happiness I have. Please pass on my best wishes to them both"

@Dontwatchfootball

I have a few friends who have been really shocked and surprised at their reaction to their ex's getting married, even when they initiated the split. I think she knew this and was trying to make sure you weren't blindsided if you found out. I think it was a really nice thing for her to do actually.

This is most likely scenario I think.

Reply “Someone else’s trash is another’s treasure.”

Joking. Kind of.

She definitely wants you to know that he’s been snapped up and hope you regret your decision.