Ex’s DM contacted me

[ThisIsWeirdRight]

We were together throughout our 20s but split 4 years ago when he proposed but I realised how much we had changed and didn’t want to marry him.

About 6 months after we split he met someone else and though we had remained friends, out of respect for his new girlfriend (who was understandably insecure about our continued friendship) I decided to block all means of communication.

Recently I received a message on FB from his DM saying that they were getting married and that she thought I ought to know.

AIBU to think that that is weird and wonder what her agenda is? It’s been nearly 4 years with no contact with him or any of his family. She would have had to go to the trouble of looking me up on FB to find me and it won’t have been easy as I did a big clear out of fb friends a couple of years ago and am she and I have no friends in common.

@MagnoliaBeige

Are you going to reply? I’d go with a breezy “Wow, your message was a blast from the past, I haven’t thought about for years, am glad to hear he’s happy and moved on”

This. Then block when she's read

I wonder if it’s that she wants me to know because she’s the sort of idiot that thinks the first person to get married after a split is the ”winner”. She was always quite competitive and hated that ex was pushing 30 and unmarried when all her friends children were coupled up. It was one of the reasons he proposed in the first place I think.

How about "I hope he is as happy as I am". Should leave her puzzling over whether our are being passive aggressive or not.

"Goodness me, what a strange message to receive. Does [her son's name] [and fiancee] know you sent it? I can't think why you contacted me and don't expect to hear from you again."

Sounds like you have her sussed @ThisIsWeirdRight.
“So glad he’s moved on and is happy, sending best wishes”

@ThisIsWeirdRight

I wonder if it’s that she wants me to know because she’s the sort of idiot that thinks the first person to get married after a split is the ”winner”. She was always quite competitive and hated that ex was pushing 30 and unmarried when all her friends children were coupled up. It was one of the reasons he proposed in the first place I think.

Thanks, little RightWeird starts school this year and he will be excited to hear that his Daddy is getting married even if they have never met.

(sit back and get popcorn)

I bet my mil messaged dh's ex similarly op!!
When we told her I was pregnant she whispered that his ex had wanted his babies!!

'0h lovely, congratulations to them both! Hope you are all well, all the best,Thisisweirdright'. And never think of it again.

She either:
A: hates girlfriend and wants you to ruin wedding
B: hates you and wants to make you feel crappy
C: genuinely trying to just give you a heads up

Either way who cares, you weren’t right for each other. “Congratulations to them both, hope you all have a wonderful day”. Then block and forget.

@countrygirl99

How about "I hope he is as happy as I am". Should leave her puzzling over whether our are being passive aggressive or not.

This, a thousand times over.

I wouldn't be able to not reply with a overly happy message congratulating him and say how it's nice both us had moved on and were happy in life 😂

"Congratulations to them both, hope you all have a wonderful day”. Then block and forget. I agree, this is the most dignified response. I'd probably add xx or 🥂

I would contact your ex to say that his DM has sent this unusual message to you and ask if he is concerned for her emotional well-being.

Don't engage at all, hopefully she'll think you changed your number and forget you forever.

He probably didn't "change", he relaxed the mask, and you dodged a massive bullet with him and his clearly batshit family.

Ghost. Block. Avoid.

a simple, 'Oh that's is lovely news, I am very happy for them!' and then block would be a nice yet final thing to say.

I think it’s a nice thing for her to do, maybe she thought you should be told rather than it being on SM. Be nice to reply along the lines of that’s nice to hear I wish him and his dp the best

Maybe she's never forgiven you for turning her son down and she wants you to realise that now you will never have him.

‘That’s lovely news. I’m so happy for you all. Have a wonderful day!’

I wouldn’t reply because it’ll drive her nuts.

@HollowTalk

The same thought crossed my mind but I dismissed it as being too bitchy.

"Yes, he did tell me on the invite. I've misplaced it though. Could you just remind me when and where again? Be lovely to see you after all these years. Hope you're well. "

I would totally send back a lovely, happy message! To show her message has affected you at all!

Hasn't*

I had an ex message me like this out of the blue a few years back. He did so because he wanted me to hear it straight from him 🤣🤣 we dated for a year when I was 19, i was about 26 when he messaged me. So I was hardly gutted to hear the news. I frankly told him that it was quite odd that he felt the need to message me and that I would appreciate if he wouldn't do so again and I blocked him 🙈🙈

Generally I'd like to think that it's a kind "heads up"

But after 4yrs?