Bragging - telling my close family and siblings of my successes considered bragging?

tortoiselover100 · 2021-08-18T16:14:43+00:00

So generally if something good has happened in my life I share it with my parents and siblings, assuming they have my back and are happy for me. Examples - I got a good job that paid well; I bought a nice house in a posh bit of town; my kid did well at school etc. My sister and her husband have been off with me a few times and disloyal at times, not inviting me to things the rest of the family are invited to. Generally I am a higher achiever than my sister but I. So many ways she has done better then me, she has 2 properties, I only have one, she has had a long term marriage, I have struggled with relationships. I found out this week from another family member that she thinks I'm always bragging. I'm bit bragging, I'm telling me nearest and dearest my good news. So AIBU to be honest about good things that happen to me? I always talk about the bad too, I certainly don't hide it. Or AINBU because good things happening in my life make other people feel bad or inadequate. I would love to hear your views!!!

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:15

That should say I'm NOT bragging, not BIT bragging.

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Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:18

Let me rephrase

YABU- stop telling family anything that they personally couldn't achieve as it makes them feel bad.

YANBU - it's fine to share good and bad with close family, it's their issue if it makes them feel inadequate.

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Movingsoon21 · 18/08/2021 17:18

I think you should be able to share good news with your family. My brother recently bought a huge house and my sister got a really good promotion. They each shared their news on the family WhatsApp group and I was very happy for both of them. They have also been happy for me when things have gone well.

Sometimes it’s insensitive if someone’s life is going badly, but that doesn’t sound like the case here. Other times people are insecure and get jealous but it doesn’t sound like your sister would have reason to be jealous so I’m not sure why she can’t just be happy for you!

RubyFowler · 18/08/2021 17:19

Generally I think bragging is more when you're always going on about your big house or clever kids.
Just telling people that should care about you is not bragging.
I mean I take it you didn't say 'we love our posh new house, so much better than the shitholes the rest of you live in.'

Notimeforaname · 18/08/2021 17:20

Yabu. People have told you and shown you that.

Movingsoon21 · 18/08/2021 17:20

It does also depend how you say it. If my brother had said “I’ve just bought a massive house, it’s REALLY big, I’m so glad I’m rich enough to afford this house” then I’d be a bit But instead he just said “we’ve completed!” and sent a link to the house. So we could see the price and the size but he wasn’t going on about those bits, if that makes sense!

Disintegration1985 · 18/08/2021 17:21

I think it probably depends on the delivery/context. I have a group chat with my mum and sisters, and we'll often share our good news - promotions, house buying etc. - but it's mixed with lots of other conversation.

Are you just contacting them to share your news and then disappearing again or are you contributing and showing an interest in everyone else's lives?

I think it's natural to want to share good news with people you care about, but if that's all they hear from you, it might sound like you're just looking to show off. On the other hand, it might be that your sister is just a little sensitive - your post sounds like there might be a bit of competition between the two of you - and she's feeling a bit prickly.

I think the only way to get to the bottom of it is to talk to your sister and try and understand where she's coming from.

BumbleMug · 18/08/2021 17:21

YANBU. Loved ones should be happy for you. They should share in the excitement of your success. But if they’re bitter people… those foulweather friends who only feel good when others aren’t doing as well… then their personality won’t let them. It’s sad. They’re missing out on shared joy by saying you’re bragging. You’re not.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/08/2021 17:21

You should be able to. But your sister is one of those people who sees other people's good news and achievements as a negative comment on her, personally.

Tell you parents how sad you are that she can't enjoy her own success well enough not to be challenged by yours.

And then walk away from any extended discussion and refuse to share your family doings ever again.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/08/2021 17:21

Your family showed be happy with your news and should want to hear it of course. Different of course if you're constantly going on about the same thing

YellowDingy2 · 18/08/2021 17:21

Erm, I imagine it's probably more complex than you're thinking.

There's sharing good news and then there's talking about yourself all the time. There's sharing some good news once and then there's always bringing it up.

There's also a case of consideration, as in if your family member is knowingly struggling with money and you reply by talking about a promotion you've gotten, then that's pretty inconsiderate.

Do you think you fall into the latter of some of these things?

aerosocks · 18/08/2021 17:21

Generally I am a higher achiever than my sister
Ah. Oh. Do you think that perhaps your parents think so too? And are inadvertently making your sister feel inferior by telling her how pleased they are about your achievements? It might be rubbing salt into the wound, don't you think?

I'd stay off the topic for a year or two if I were you.

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:21

@RubyFowler

Generally I think bragging is more when you're always going on about your big house or clever kids. Just telling people that should care about you is not bragging. I mean I take it you didn't say 'we love our posh new house, so much better than the shitholes the rest of you live in.'

Absolutely not, I would never look down my nose at them, they've done well.

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AnneFuckingKirrin · 18/08/2021 17:22

Bragging is in the eye of the beholder isn’t it.
I tell my family and friends everything, the good, the bad and the ugly and they al, do the same.
I would be disappointed if they didn’t tell me their achievements tbh.
It could just have been your sister having a bad day or maybe the other family member was shit stirring. Why or heart would they tell you something like that anyway.

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:22

@Movingsoon21

I think you should be able to share good news with your family. My brother recently bought a huge house and my sister got a really good promotion. They each shared their news on the family WhatsApp group and I was very happy for both of them. They have also been happy for me when things have gone well.

Sometimes it’s insensitive if someone’s life is going badly, but that doesn’t sound like the case here. Other times people are insecure and get jealous but it doesn’t sound like your sister would have reason to be jealous so I’m not sure why she can’t just be happy for you!

Thanks, I'm worried I'll just sit quietly around my family for fear of saying something that might make them feel a Pang of jealousy.

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Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:23

@Notimeforaname

Yabu. People have told you and shown you that.

My other sibling told me 2 days ago, it's fresh news for me.

They have been off but that could be for any reason.

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Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:24

@Disintegration1985

I think it probably depends on the delivery/context. I have a group chat with my mum and sisters, and we'll often share our good news - promotions, house buying etc. - but it's mixed with lots of other conversation.

Are you just contacting them to share your news and then disappearing again or are you contributing and showing an interest in everyone else's lives?

I think it's natural to want to share good news with people you care about, but if that's all they hear from you, it might sound like you're just looking to show off. On the other hand, it might be that your sister is just a little sensitive - your post sounds like there might be a bit of competition between the two of you - and she's feeling a bit prickly.

I think the only way to get to the bottom of it is to talk to your sister and try and understand where she's coming from.

No there's tons of bad in with the good, I am in tofu with all of them regularly.

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Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:25

@CuriousaboutSamphire

You should be able to. But your sister is one of those people who sees other people's good news and achievements as a negative comment on her, personally.

Tell you parents how sad you are that she can't enjoy her own success well enough not to be challenged by yours.

And then walk away from any extended discussion and refuse to share your family doings ever again.

I think I will stop sharing, I don't want to always be judged.

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countrytown · 18/08/2021 17:25

I think it depends on how you say things. Anyone getting a new job or a promo is a good thing however going on about how successful you are is not.

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:26

@YellowDingy2

Erm, I imagine it's probably more complex than you're thinking.

There's sharing good news and then there's talking about yourself all the time. There's sharing some good news once and then there's always bringing it up.

There's also a case of consideration, as in if your family member is knowingly struggling with money and you reply by talking about a promotion you've gotten, then that's pretty inconsiderate.

Do you think you fall into the latter of some of these things?

Financially they have paid most of their two mortgages off so they're ahead of me in many ways.

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WorraLiberty · 18/08/2021 17:26

How are you telling them?

When you visit or on SM/WhatsApp etc?

MNmonster · 18/08/2021 17:26

It all depends on how it is said really.

Saying I've just bought a new house is a simple statement of fact and not bragging. Saying I've just bought an expensive, fancy house in a posh part of town is saying something very different. It also depends on how and when it's said. If you don't talk to them for any reason other than to share you're good news, I can imagine it's annoying.

Sisters can be weird though. My youngest sister is like this and over time I've realised she doesn't like it if someone has something going on in their lives that takes the attention from her. Which is hard considering I have 3 siblings. Everytime there is a major life event, think wedding, child born, house move etc she always starts acting up, decides she needs a new job/house/child and is a hurricane of stress until she gets it. Therefore attracting all of the attention back to her.

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:27

@countrytown

I think it depends on how you say things. Anyone getting a new job or a promo is a good thing however going on about how successful you are is not.

I dot go on about it at all.

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Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:27

@WorraLiberty

How are you telling them?

When you visit or on SM/WhatsApp etc?

I tell them face to face when we're all sat around together, we meet once or twice a month.

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Washyourtoes · 18/08/2021 17:27

I'm with you. Unless it was worded in a way intended to make someone else feel bad or if you were trying for the same job/house/whatever and it thus needs a bit more sensitivity, I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing positive news. I would be nothing but happy for you.

I have found that the people who constantly complain that others are competitive and bragging are often those who actually are the ones who are 'competitive' in the negative sense and when they perceive themselves to be 'losing' start resenting those around them.