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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bragging - telling my close family and siblings of my successes considered bragging?

101 replies

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:14

So generally if something good has happened in my life I share it with my parents and siblings, assuming they have my back and are happy for me.

Examples - I got a good job that paid well; I bought a nice house in a posh bit of town; my kid did well at school etc.

My sister and her husband have been off with me a few times and disloyal at times, not inviting me to things the rest of the family are invited to.

Generally I am a higher achiever than my sister but I. So many ways she has done better then me, she has 2 properties, I only have one, she has had a long term marriage, I have struggled with relationships.

I found out this week from another family member that she thinks I'm always bragging.

I'm bit bragging, I'm telling me nearest and dearest my good news.

So AIBU to be honest about good things that happen to me? I always talk about the bad too, I certainly don't hide it.

Or AINBU because good things happening in my life make other people feel bad or inadequate.

I would love to hear your views!!!

OP posts:

Disintegration1985 · 18/08/2021 17:28

Sounds like your sister might be feeling a bit competitive then. Happens with me and my sister sometimes.

If you usually have a good relationship with her, I don't see why you can't just be speak to her and find out where it's coming from. If you usually get on well with your family, seems a shame to have this weird thing hanging over the two of you.

themuttsnutts · 18/08/2021 17:28

It sounds as if achievement and success is very important to you and your family but life isn't always about that. You can be very unsuccessful on paper but happy and vice versa

countrytown · 18/08/2021 17:30

Generally I am a higher achiever than my sister

Financially they have paid most of their two mortgages off so they're ahead of me in many ways.

These comments are quite competitive, I have siblings & don't really think about them like the above.

Yellow85 · 18/08/2021 17:31

I agree it’s a bit more complex than telling them the news, it’s more in the ‘how’. But I’ve totally learned the hard way with this. A family member of mine actually calls me a snob, to my face, because I pay a mortgage. As opposed to avoid my rent and run up arrears like most of my relatives do. I don’t tell them anything tbh, but I still get judged. Sometimes you just can’t win.

Maybe just take some extra interest in them and wait for them to ask you how things are? But no, yanbu- I’d expect to share news with family.

DysmalRadius · 18/08/2021 17:31

Why did the other family member tell you what your sister said?

SunbathingDragon · 18/08/2021 17:31

You seem to look at things in a very black and white manner and if they don’t, then they probably won’t see things in the same way.

One problem with someone who is thought to be a bragger is that it’s hard think of them in a different way when they talk about something going well.

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:32

@countrytown

Generally I am a higher achiever than my sister

Financially they have paid most of their two mortgages off so they're ahead of me in many ways.

These comments are quite competitive, I have siblings & don't really think about them like the above.

I'm trying to put some context so that people can read our situation. I certainly don't compete with her, but in many ways when I look at it, she is ahead of me.

OP posts:

SymbollocksInteractionism · 18/08/2021 17:32

I think it's also about the way you tell them. When I had FB it was easy to spot the braggers who would always post pics of their new cars, floor plans of their new houses, extravagant gifts that their OH had given them.
A bit tiresome and also one of the reasons I don't do FB anymore as I'm a crabby old cow.

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:33

@themuttsnutts

It sounds as if achievement and success is very important to you and your family but life isn't always about that. You can be very unsuccessful on paper but happy and vice versa

I always wanted a good job, I always wanted to live in a nice area. I worked hard to get those things. I really don't see what is wrong with aiming for a good job or nice area to live.

OP posts:

countrytown · 18/08/2021 17:33

buts that my point. I can't think of a time I ever measured myself against my siblings.

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:34

@SymbollocksInteractionism

I think it's also about the way you tell them. When I had FB it was easy to spot the braggers who would always post pics of their new cars, floor plans of their new houses, extravagant gifts that their OH had given them. A bit tiresome and also one of the reasons I don't do FB anymore as I'm a crabby old cow.

I'm not on Facebook, only share this news with people v close to me.

OP posts:

countrytown · 18/08/2021 17:34

I don't actually know which sibling is ahead of or behind me I just don't think like that.

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:35

@countrytown

buts that my point. I can't think of a time I ever measured myself against my siblings.

We'll maybe if you had a sibling who was off with you regularly and left you out of things And told other family members that they thought you were bragging, it might force you for the first time to look at what differences might lead them to feel inadequate.

OP posts:

notanothertakeaway · 18/08/2021 17:35

Hard for us to assess

Could you ask the other sibling if they think you gave been bragging, or do they think your DS is over sensitive?

My FB has been full of people boasting about their children's amazing exam results, and I just roll my eyes, TBH

themuttsnutts · 18/08/2021 17:36

@tortoiselover100

No, there's nothing wrong with that but it also doesn't mean you have failed if you don't have these things. The definition of success is very subjective

countrytown · 18/08/2021 17:37

@tortoiselover100 if a sibling was off with me I would ask them or they would just tell me.

countrytown · 18/08/2021 17:40

to be left out of things is quite a strong reaction.

Sleepingdogs12 · 18/08/2021 17:40

I don't understand why all this information about mortgages and who earns what is known and discussed or why there is a sense of who is in front or behind. It all sounds so unhealthy and competitive. Just live your life, have general chit chat and a laugh and leave it at that.

Atalune · 18/08/2021 17:41

My brother is like you. He’s competitive.

We don’t see each other much and so when we do it’s a bit of a “round robin” of what’s been going on. And his is usually a list of material/competitive “achievements”

He would say “oh we went to xxxx for a short break, it was so nice. Stayed in this 5 star place, you know spa and amazing sea views. Cost a fair but, but we enjoyed it” then he might follow this up with how he can afford it as he has almost paid his mortgage off. And how much his pension is.

It’s all couched in money/wealth/stuff. He’s a terrific bore and it comes from pure jealousy as he knows that have the bigger house, better job, nicer holidays! But I don’t talk about it. He’s always digging about for the info. Weird.

MargaretThursday · 18/08/2021 17:44

It depends. Compare these two.

We've completed, really pleased. It's a do-er upper so we've got a bit of a job on our hands.
We'll we just had to get a bigger house because the other was too small (moving 2 adults and a baby from a 4 bed). We got 5% off the best house on the estate because we're so good with negotiations. If anyone wants to move we will advice how to do it.

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:44

@notanothertakeaway

Hard for us to assess

Could you ask the other sibling if they think you gave been bragging, or do they think your DS is over sensitive?

My FB has been full of people boasting about their children's amazing exam results, and I just roll my eyes, TBH

My other sibling is very supportive of me, always has my back, has fallen out with my sister a few times but never me.

OP posts:

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:46

@Atalune

My brother is like you. He’s competitive.

We don’t see each other much and so when we do it’s a bit of a “round robin” of what’s been going on. And his is usually a list of material/competitive “achievements”

I think that is really unfair, I'm not competitive, nor would I speak the way you have portrayed your brother speaking. Lots of assumptions there.

OP posts:

countrytown · 18/08/2021 17:48

It’s all couched in money/wealth/stuff. He’s a terrific bore and it comes from pure jealousy as he knows that have the bigger house, better job, nicer holidays!

He doesn't sound the only competitive one!

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:49

@Sleepingdogs12

Generally it is just chit chat, but sometimes they are off with me, and I've just found out it's because they think I'm bragging because I have a big house in a posh area, well paying job, nice car etc. I was never competing with them or anyone, I was just living my life and noticing my sister being off with me.

OP posts:

Original poster

tortoiselover100 · 18/08/2021 17:50

@countrytown

It’s all couched in money/wealth/stuff. He’s a terrific bore and it comes from pure jealousy as he knows that have the bigger house, better job, nicer holidays!

He doesn't sound the only competitive one!

I agree!!!

OP posts:

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