Bragging - telling my close family and siblings of my successes considered bragging?

[tortoiselover100]

So generally if something good has happened in my life I share it with my parents and siblings, assuming they have my back and are happy for me.

Examples - I got a good job that paid well; I bought a nice house in a posh bit of town; my kid did well at school etc.

My sister and her husband have been off with me a few times and disloyal at times, not inviting me to things the rest of the family are invited to.

Generally I am a higher achiever than my sister but I. So many ways she has done better then me, she has 2 properties, I only have one, she has had a long term marriage, I have struggled with relationships.

I found out this week from another family member that she thinks I'm always bragging.

I'm bit bragging, I'm telling me nearest and dearest my good news.

So AIBU to be honest about good things that happen to me? I always talk about the bad too, I certainly don't hide it.

Or AINBU because good things happening in my life make other people feel bad or inadequate.

I would love to hear your views!!!

[quote themuttsnutts]@tortoiselover100

No, there's nothing wrong with that but it also doesn't mean you have failed if you don't have these things. The definition of success is very subjective[/quote]
I don't think people h e failed if they don't have these things, these are the reasons my sister thinks I brag, it's nothing to do with how I assess people.

You should be able to share good news with yr family without them saying you"re bragging. If you dont tell them, youd be told off for keeping secrets!

@PearlyBird

You should be able to share good news with yr family without them saying you"re bragging. If you dont tell them, youd be told off for keeping secrets!

I feel like saying nothing to anyone now, if they can take so much offence if something good happens to me.

country it’s not a competition, it’s just the way it is 🤷🏻‍♀️ It shouldn’t matter, but it does to him.

Anyway, it’s interesting that it touched a nerve, hopefully because it’s categorically not how you behave op and so you’re offended. That’s good!
Perhaps you’re more like me, and your sibling is more like my brother, and so any good news I might share is matched/bettered straight away. Like I say. Boring AF and makes me mute on any matters of material achievements.

Good luck.

One of my aunts is a bit of a braggy snob. She's always going on about how amazing her dc's jobs are or what next doors house sold for etc & complains about everything. It's just so boring & I know it drives my mum mad.

Maybe you two just don’t gel it’s that simple sometimes isn’t it.

Maybe your achievements are always rubbed in her face by your parents? How was it like as children? Who was the favourite?

Just because your family doesn’t mean your always going to get along or want to socialise more than the minimum expected.

You can't tell sometimes.

DSis has a child, a good job, good pension pot and a wide circle of friends.

I have a husband, a paid off house, am self employed, have a small pension pot.

We played Top Trumps a few years ago and decided that between us we made one responsible, successful woman. We don't envy each other, our DF tried and failed with that one, the conversation was lighthearted, taking the Mickey out of societal expectations of women.

We got to the bit where she said "I have a child" and I responded "But I have the husband" when our mother, eavesdropping, flew into the room and made as if to slap me. She was furious with me, couldn't be calmed, remained incandescent in her defence of a much bemused DSis.

We realised too late that DM measures DSis success by her having provided a grandchild. Nothing will match up to that and there we were, both denigrating the very thing DM measures DSis success by.

My point is that your DSis may feel the lack of something you have, you'll never be able to explain it, she will never accept any explanation.

You'll have to avoid, stop sharing. And that's really quite sad.

@Atalune but you're saying he shouldn't go on about those things because you have the better house, job & holidays.

But I would also say, culturally it is seen as gauche to speak well of yourself and your achievements.

I haven’t told any of my family various good things that have happened to me and my family I just keep it vague, no specifics unless really asked.

a bit of each....occasionally to say "guess what, I have good news" is fine, bit if its everytime you meet/text/groupchat then it can get tedious especially if other family memebers are not having it so good.

I think it's really sad they can't just be happy for you. We all have ups and downs in life, celebrating the good is important. One of my closest friends in particular has been very fortunate, while I've had a rough time of it in recent years - I'd feel so sad if she stopped sharing her good news with me because she was scared of upsetting me (she's not at all braggy). You support each other in the lows and celebrate the highs.

country that’s not what I meant. It’s a strange dynamic with my brother informing me sometimes to the £ how much this or that cost and how expensive it was. I find that embarrassing and all it does is makes everything about “stuff”. That’s so boring.

But this thread isn’t about me.

I think I was trying to highlight that for some the excessive material detailing is telling.

@Horst

Maybe you two just don’t gel it’s that simple sometimes isn’t it.

Maybe your achievements are always rubbed in her face by your parents? How was it like as children? Who was the favourite?

Just because your family doesn’t mean your always going to get along or want to socialise more than the minimum expected.

I think you're right, maybe we don't gel, it's a shame as I think well of her.

Tbh I was the black sheep as a kid, never did what I was told, my sister was 'easy'. Academically I was always in the top sets, got high marks but that didn't count for anything in our home.

If you're talking about living in 'posh areas' and being 'paid well' while all your family sit around listening to you then I can see why this might rub people up the wrong way to be honest. Do others in the family share things in this way?

@countrytown

Generally I am a higher achiever than my sister

Financially they have paid most of their two mortgages off so they're ahead of me in many ways.

These comments are quite competitive, I have siblings & don't really think about them like the above.

I agree with this.

The fact that you even made the comparisons in this way indicates that there is probably an element of truth in the accusation of bragging tbh.

I mean, I tell my family if I change job, but I don't tell them my salary or tell them that it's 'well paid'. Why would I feel the need to do that?

It depends how you're telling them and how much you go on about it.

If you've got a new job, or promotion, then great. Tell them. It's good news.
But they dont need to know how much you're earning, for example.

They don't need the ins and outs of why you're so much more qualified for the role than anyone else was.

They don't need to know if you spent £100 per roll on wallpaper in your new house.

Well maybe if you had a sibling who was off with you regularly and left you out of things And told other family members that they thought you were bragging, it might force you for the first time to look at what differences might lead them to feel inadequate.

So your first thought wasn't "Have I said things in a braggy way?", but "Why does my sibling feel inadequate?".

One of DH's SIL is competitive and always telling us about the DCs achievements etc. etc. I let it wash over me. It took me a while to work out what was going on. She and DH's DB were the most successful ones in the family for a long time - biggest earners, best educated (DH is younger). Objectively they are successful. However, it is highly likely that DH and I are now better off than them and so we could challenge for the more successful status in the family. (It's a bit more complex for cultural reasons). It is very clear that their status in the family is extremely important to them.

I decided very quickly to withdraw from the game and not to compete or react to the list of good news and achievements other than with congratulations.

I wonder if your DSis has a sense of her place in the family and sees you as challenging that. Its not so much that you are bragging but that you not staying within your assigned role in the family.

@tortoiselover100

Let me rephrase

YABU- stop telling family anything that they personally couldn't achieve as it makes them feel bad.

YANBU - it's fine to share good and bad with close family, it's their issue if it makes them feel inadequate.

You are bragging if that is the only thig you talk about tbh.

My partner's daughter only ever talks about herself when we meet, so the conversation is limited to her academic achievements and her health condition.

She is so wrapped up in her own little world that she never asks or enquires about anyone else. It all has to be about her.

I find her to be very boring

How are you saying it? If you actually say you have bought a house in the "posh" part of town and your sister owns two houses in a shit part of town I would probably come to the conclusion that you were having a dig. "A new house the other side of town" is sufficient. If you are adding unnecessary, potentially snobby words in your achievements that probably get their backs up. Personally I wouldn't give a shit if I were your family but it sounds like you either have form for it or the family are unsupportive dicks who can't be happy for you.

I think it can be petty jealousy with siblings but also it can be how you word things. I had a boastful friend who bugged me because a) she never asked how are you, just rambled on about herself b) over exaggerated all her news e.g. her DC couldn't just have passed her dance exam, she was the best in the county, so the teacher told her. That sort of thing that you know just isn't true. I was lucky as she stopped doing it (I think someone else must've told her).

I do agree it’s how your saying it but if it’s just ‘How’s goes the job going ‘ and you say ‘great I’ve just been promoted ‘ then that’s good news that of course you say . If you say ‘I’ve had a promotion but you haven’t sister dear ‘ that’s different ( people do say things like that sometimes ) .
Some people are just green with envy that some people they feel have all the luck but IMO that’s their issue .

Some people can take the good news of others and be happy for them. Some take it personally as it can highlight areas in their life they might feel they are lacking in, or they might be jealous or competitive by nature.
Your family should be happy for you but it’s not always the case.
If you are not going over the top bragging and simply sharing your good news it’s sad that your family can’t be truly happy for you. Maybe try sharing with them less and share with people who are genuinely happy for you and vice versa. It’s crap but families aren’t always perfect being related to someone doesn’t stop them being shitty.

I guess there will always be certain family members, who may not take another persons good fortune well, if they themselves have not had the same things happen. It shouldn't be like this, especially with family members, but you can never tell how some people's minds work.