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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Send thank you cards for baby gifts?

160 replies

Itsbeen84yearss · 18/08/2021 14:30

Is it me or is it bad form not to send thank you cards if you’ve invited people to a baby shower or even any following baby’s birth? I didn’t do a shower when I was pregnant but I still sent out cards for gifts people had been generous enough to give. Just wondering if I’m being OTT.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/08/2021 10:01

I said this on another thread.
For a website all talking about how women do too much, we certainly like to add unnecessary jobs to them, eh😁

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 10:01

putting unknown expectations on the sender isn't necessary. Send it or don't.
That sounds quite odd, really. I suppose you either get basic manners or you don't. Some people just don't.

Peach01 · 21/08/2021 10:12

That sounds quite odd, really. I suppose you either get basic manners or you don't. Some people just don't.

Brick wall time. OP was thanked. Cards don't equate to manners, the thank you does. This is the type of petty nonsense that creates problems that aren't there.

riotlady · 21/08/2021 10:24

I sent cards after the christening as quite a few people had traveled to be there.

For general baby gifts I think a text is fine, especially when you’re in the new born dog! Someone gave me a tip to stick a sticky label on baby gifts with the name of the person who gives it, then the first time baby wears/uses it, you can send a photo to the person who gave it. It was really nice, especially for things like clothes in size 3-6 which didn’t get worn for a while

riotlady · 21/08/2021 10:25

New born FOG lol

OhRene · 21/08/2021 10:28

Thank you cards. Another bit of wifework for us all to suck up and get one with.

After I had my first baby my life was turned completely upside down. I went from happy confident woman with great time management skills to an absolute train wreck of not knowing what the fuck I was doing, never having a minute to myself and any spare moment I did get was for me to sit and do fuck all. I had no PND or anything and was really happy but I had no time and even less inclination to sit for an hour or two doing the tedious task of thanking people who I had already bloody well thanked for their gifts.

I got quite a lot of nagging from my mum and husband as to why their families hadn't received thank you cards. I told DH he was quite welcome to grab a pen and have at it. I ended up doing it. All generic and impersonal ones too because there was no way in hell I could remember who got us what.

I don't expect nor really want thank you cards off anyone. What a pointless ballache they are. And what do I do with a thank you card photograph of a random neighbour's baby? Is it rude to bin it? Do I have to pop it in a keepsake book? A photo frame in my living room? Do I need to buy a new fridge magnet to stick it up until it yellows and the edges curl so I can legit dispose of it?

Blossomtoes · 21/08/2021 10:37

Another bit of wifework for us all to suck up and get one with

Why? It’s a perfect task for delegation to the male half of the partnership. Wifework is what schmucks do because they don’t negotiate with their bloke.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/08/2021 10:44

Blokes are usually more rational about daying no to useless tasks... I can absolutely imagine my DH's reaction to having to write thank you cards. Same like mine. "Wtaf why"😂
I don't understand ehy normal thank you doesn't suffice in the UK

grapewine · 21/08/2021 11:36

I don't understand why normal thank you doesn't suffice in the UK

Agree.

On a wider point, It's one of the many pitfalls when you live there as a non-native. I have manners, but I was so worried about all the things unsaid that you were just supposed to know as to not offend anyone.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/08/2021 11:40

Yeah. I've never send nor recieved a thank you card. Lack if manners surrounding me is just out of this world😁
(I've never heard of thank you cards until mn either tbh)

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 11:42

It does suffice. They're not necessary.
But some posters were affronted that they were a thing at all, and declared that they categorically did not want to receive such a thing, it basically amounted to filling their house with clutter and forcing them to make a decision as to what to do with it.
As well as being bad for the planet.
They probably feel the same way about Christmas / birthday cards 🤷🏻‍♀️

OhRene · 21/08/2021 15:28

@Blossomtoes

Another bit of wifework for us all to suck up and get one with

Why? It’s a perfect task for delegation to the male half of the partnership. Wifework is what schmucks do because they don’t negotiate with their bloke.

The reason that it's wifework is not because we don't stand up to our men (mine does more household chores than I and probably changed more nappies too!) but because many men just think it's bloody pointless and would be quite happy not to do it and no one else do it either. In my 40 years I have never seen a bloke get insulted or go on about manners of lack thereof because of not getting a thank you card. It's always been a wifework task given by women to women.
WTF475878237NC · 21/08/2021 15:30

And what do I do with a thank you card photograph of a random neighbour's baby?

I've only sent thank you cards to the people who are close enough to me to give me gifts. Not sure why a random neighbour would do this.

lanbro · 21/08/2021 15:31

I had cards printed with photos of baby and sent thank yous that way, same as I did for wedding presents, but I wouldn't expect it, although would expect a text at least

Blossomtoes · 21/08/2021 16:19

You haven’t met my bloke @OhRene! He’s absolutely obsessive about manners and etiquette!

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 16:32

@WTF475878237NC

And what do I do with a thank you card photograph of a random neighbour's baby?

I've only sent thank you cards to the people who are close enough to me to give me gifts. Not sure why a random neighbour would do this.

Did the random neighbour give you a gift or not?
MrsToothyBitch · 21/08/2021 17:31

I think thank you cards are nice and I write them for people- alongside thanking in person or by text for some friends. I would likely do cards for baby presents and I've received them for such gifts before. However, I also recognise that it can be a busy, stressful time for people and the point is to say thank you. A text/email or telling you when you see me, or even relayed thanks- SiL thanked me via DP and messages before I saw her in person where she said it again- will do.

WTF475878237NC · 21/08/2021 22:36

@GreyhoundG1rl

I failed to highlight I was quoting a PP - I didn't understand their point about getting a thank you card with a random neighbour's baby as I was saying I personally don't give or receive baby gifts from randoms.

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 22:38

[quote WTF475878237NC]@GreyhoundG1rl

I failed to highlight I was quoting a PP - I didn't understand their point about getting a thank you card with a random neighbour's baby as I was saying I personally don't give or receive baby gifts from randoms.[/quote]
Oh, I see. Sorry.

DuggeeHugPlease · 21/08/2021 22:55

This has made me feel a bit shit to be honest. With my first (lovely easy baby) I had photo cards printed and diligently wrote and posted cards (as well as keeping a log of who gave us what so I could personalise the message).
My second (not nearly so easy baby) is coming up to 5 months and I haven't sent any thank you cards - I had an awful pregnancy and birth and really struggled for at least the first 2-3 months with baby blues/mild PND as well as some complications meaning we were in and out of hospital. Thank you cards were the least of my priorities. In fact we had presents go unopened for weeks as I just didn't get round to it. I plonked flowers in vases still in the packaging and they stayed that way until they died.
If people are judging me for not taking the time to write and post cards when I was at my lowest point and barely getting through each day then I truly wish they hadn't sent the present at all.

Katefoster · 21/08/2021 22:58

I've been given thank you cards before but mostly they send pictures of either the child in the outfit or playing with the toy/ reading the book and I love that and it's a lot less effort for them. I don't expect a card new parents have enough on their plates

Katefoster · 21/08/2021 22:59

Although I know my MIL will make sure I send cards to all her friends and family who give cards and I know I'll be so exhausted I'll resent it

SheABitSpicyToday · 21/08/2021 23:03

I’ve never sent a Thankyou card for anything in my life.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 21/08/2021 23:03

How the hell does anyone find time to write thank you cards with a newborn?! Jesus wept, it was a good day if I had time to shower...

buckeejit · 21/08/2021 23:04

No you should do thank you cards. Although I could've done without my mum reminding me many times when Ds was 5 days old!

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