Send thank you cards for baby gifts?

[Itsbeen84yearss]

Is it me or is it bad form not to send thank you cards if you’ve invited people to a baby shower or even any following baby’s birth? I didn’t do a shower when I was pregnant but I still sent out cards for gifts people had been generous enough to give. Just wondering if I’m being OTT.

@rookiemere is right though, I'm always the one sending thank you cards while the thought wouldn't even cross my DH's mind 🙄 another layer on the invisible load of motherhood.

I sent out thank you cards myself, but whenever I give gifts I always write in the card that no thank you card is necessary. I always think new parents have enough going on without that added to the mix.

My sister and I both have with our children, but we are definitely in the minority. I’ve never received a thank you card from anyone else.

Maybe it was just how we were brought up.

This thread is class AIBU?
OP asks AIBU
The majority of poster - yes
OP - I’m not

I often wonder why people ask a question.

I texted most people, might have forgot some, most days I forgot my blood clot injections, don't know when I was meant to sit down and write cards.

YABU, because it's not nice to put obligations on parents of new babies (and let's face it, it's always the mothers). If there's a time in your life you can let the etiquette slip and allow others do the same, that's it.

(I did send them, but wouldn't judge those who didn't, precisely because of my EMCS and reflux baby.)

Oh god no. I say thank you when it's given to me, make sure I make a point of either opening it in front of the person and saying awww that's lovely thank you. Or if I can't, let them know via a text/ phone call that I have opened it and it's lovely.
If someone sent me a thank you card, as nice as it is, I would put it in the recycling.

I do make sure I give some acknowledgement though. I had a friend who wouldn't let her kids open their Christmas/ birthday presents when I gave them to them, she made them wait until the actual day to open them and I never heard a peep out of her which was annoying. She suggested we stopped doing gifts when I had kids though as it was too expensive apparently

I sent personalised photo thank you cards out for both of my children, it's just basic good manners. It took 5mins to order them on my phone online, then I just handed them out as we received gifts.

I also sent personalised thank you cards out for wedding gifts (been married twice).

Birthday or Christmas gifts always get a phone call or a thank you in person. DS also enjoys making thank you video messages and sending them vi's WhatsApp.

The trouble is
I don't ask for these things and I have a baby I don't want to be writing letters and posting them I want to establish breast feeding and look after the fam, not write some colleague of a relative a card for a Russian doll

I don't send cards if I've said thank you in person . I send thank you emails and texts though after DS was born, usually with a photo of him with the gift.

Did not occur to me to send an actual card, so maybe I'm really rude!

@Pissinthepottyplease

This thread is class AIBU? OP asks AIBU The majority of poster - yes OP - I’m not

I often wonder why people ask a question.

Well only 30% of people think OP is being unreasonable so a long way from the majority.

I think it's a really good thing to do but I totally get it slipping your mind with a newborn!

I didn't get round to sending thank you cards and looking at gifts for a month after my baby was born we had so many issues.

For all you know something is going on with her pregnancy and she's not in the right space to send thank yous.

@Itsbeen84yearss

I think it’s hard for them not to come over as grabby occasions tbh especially if you’ve organised them yourself

Baby showers are grabby occasions.

I think it's good manners to send thank you cards, but have been guilty in the past of not doing it when going through a difficult time.

Like others I'd send a message, not just thanks for the gift, but a bit more specific, that beautiful jumper is so cosy or whatever and a picture of the baby wearing it.

Well only 30% of people think OP is being unreasonable so a long way from the majority.

Voting is not accurate though. I'm in the app so don't get a bite. I think OP IBU

I messaged thank yous via phone for gifts received after baby, but did not send cards as I was a sleep deprived, shell shocked wreck… though I do always send thank you cards for Xmas and birthdays.

We sent thank you cards out but I also called some people, emailed or sent texts when I'd ran out of the personalised thank you cards.

I think a heartfelt thanks, regardless of how it is given is lovely.

Just to clarify, I didn't have a baby shower. This was gifts after the birth as I had specifically said I didn't want a shower.

I’d send a message or card - I bought a batch of them when DD was small to just send out with a quick message - and do expect some kind of card/message even though I don’t expect one immediately - some time before the baby turns 1 is fine!

I’ve relatives who I’ve sent lovely baby gifts to who never replied or even acknowledged they arrived; and much as I appreciate how difficult it is with a newborn - done it myself! - to not ever have them mentioned ever again leaves a bad taste in the mouth really. I mean, even send a card at Christmas or something saying “oh and a belated thank you for the lovely baby clothes too, we loved them” would be fine; but nada.

I did the preprinted photo of the baby type cards. Took minutes to write / post.

I think they are a nice thing to do esp for people who won't necessarily see the baby, work colleagues, parents friends, etc.

I would think it's rude, or lacking in manners if someone didn't say thank you when a gift was handed over. That's courtesy. I wouldn't think anything of not being sent a thank you card for giving a gift to a baby. I wouldn't expect anything in return, people with babies have their hands full as it is.

I would send thank you cards. As long as the giver is thanked, I don't think it matters how.

If the recipient opened the gifts at the baby shower and thanked everyone individually as the presents were opened, that's thanks enough. If the presents were opened at home, they should send thank you cards/texts/call/thank in person.

Doesn't matter how the person says thank you.

You say thank you when you're given the gift. If you open it at a later date, drop a text to say 'x was beautiful, thank you'. Cards are completely unnecessary if you have basic manners in the first place.

@Doomscrolling

It’s nice, if a little old fashioned, but thanking them in person or by phone/email/text is also fine.

Old fashioned... When exactly did good manners go out of fashion?

@rookiemere

I sent them because i knew people would judge me if I didn't. I'd ordered newborn photos that could be made into cards and it was ridiculously faffy and complicated for someone as sleep deprived as me .

If you don't receive a thank you note, do be kind. New motherhood is hard, actually should say new parenthood but when has a male ever been judged for not sending a thank you note ?

I actually don’t expect the mum to send it, and have received plenty of thank yiu notes and messages from dads! In fact that’s exactly a job for dads - it’s not hard to buy a multi pack of cards with “thank you” on the front and a bunch of stamps and write a message saying “thanks so much for your lovely gift for , we really appreciate it.” I find adult men who can’t do something that simple just incompetent, and I have no idea why we all collectively allow/enable them to do it. DP is just as bad and now I won’t do any of his family cards/presents as a grown man should be able to do this himself! (Now he sends his mum etc a birthday present several days late on Amazon and when she rings up all offended I simply pass the phone over to him )