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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DS is completely stuffed

472 replies

logincard · 18/08/2021 06:54

my DS has 5 grade 7s and 4 6's at GCSE.

he missed out on acceptance to his grammar school for A level ( by one point) and we now have no place for him to study A levels.

He had a conditional offer from another school. He has the grades, but I found out yesterday that he never actually accepted this offer ….

I have contacted every state and private school in the borough and close by and no one has a space, we have appealed a grade at his grammar school. (But I hold out little hope for that)

What can we do? He has. No space for A levels . And no one has to help us, he’s just on his own ….

OP posts:
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6
Original poster
logincard · 18/08/2021 10:53

@hocusspocuss

Your local comps will have sixth forms that will happily take him, if you will happily send him.
I would very happily send him but none are offering us aplace right now
OP posts:
Monestera · 18/08/2021 10:53

@edwinbear I felt really sad reading that. I'm sorry that was your experience Flowers

Hdhdjejdj · 18/08/2021 10:54

Some people need to change their mindset if they want to help their dc. If the school didn’t work out for him at GCSE, it probably won’t for A level, when the stakes are much higher. Try something different.

Monestera · 18/08/2021 10:54

I would very happily send him but none are offering us aplace right now

Perhaps they're not reading this thread. What, and how, have you actually asked them?

Sonarl · 18/08/2021 10:55

@Bagamoyo1

This thread is interesting because I got confused with the whole email thing. My son is an August birthday and not the most independent of kids, and I noticed all the school applications asked for his personal email address. He has an icloud email but he literally never looks at it. In the end I decided I couldn't face the stress of checking up on him and nagging him, so I put my own email as the contact address. It's a difficult age because they're not yet that independent are they.
I did exactly the same ... I actually created a new email account for my son and used that for his applications, copying in his school email address on everything (the only one he occasionally looks at) - this has worried me, that he doesn't take the initiative, but is that normal at 16? Were we like that? Does it get better? (and to be fair he did at school and did everything they asked of him and went to all the extra lessons and study sessions and must have worked hard to go from 4/5 to 7 in some subjects)

I have to say OP I think that is where you made a mistake, you should have made sure he accepted the back up College place.

MadameMinimes · 18/08/2021 10:55

That was my point. She’s focusing on the fact that he missed the overall entry criteria by one grade (53 instead of 54), but to do the two sciences he wants to do he actually needs an average grade of an 8… he’s much further away from that. So even if they did admit him, he wouldn’t be able to do Biology and Chemistry.

edwinbear · 18/08/2021 10:55

And to add, my A level years were the most miserable of my life and incredibly stressful for my parents. It became blindingly obvious in the first half term I wasn't up to standard for Maths and Chemistry, but battled on thinking if I just worked hard (and I did), I'd be OK.

Having paid all that money for private school fees, for me to get 2 fails and a D, when DSis took her A level choices, they'd learned it's best to let children take the subjects they are passionate about. So were happy to let her take English, History and RE. She ended up at Cambridge whilst I was at an ex poly.

shallIswim · 18/08/2021 10:55

Oh sorry - it's Tiffin. That place is a horror! Takes kids who've been coached to the nth degree, and drops them like hot potatoes when they don't make the grade later on.
Keep plugging away at Esher and elsewhere. Does Richmond really no longer do a full range of A levels? Blimey...

SunShinesBrightly · 18/08/2021 10:55

I would very happily send him but none are offering us aplace right now

What about the FE colleges mentioned (a million times) in this thread?

Rivermonsters · 18/08/2021 10:55

Not read the entire thread but have you considered a traditional college sort of thing?

HunkyPunk · 18/08/2021 10:56

@HunkyPunk

The thing is though that there shouldn’t be lots of wriggle room for existing students- particularly not for sporting reasons.

If a year 11 at a comp applies for the grammar sixth form, works their arse off and gets 9s and 8s, they should absolutely get a place over an existing student who coasts or puts in minimum effort at GCSE.

Just my experience, Not that any of mine ever got near any A teams, but there were certainly friends of theirs who didn't quite make the cut with GCSEs, but still turned up for 6th Form. We're out in the sticks, so different to the super selectives in London, I guess. I don't think there was a huge over subscription issue, at 6th Form level, anyway, and all the dc who had to re-take subjects or got by with lower-than-expected grades did fine with A Levels as far as I remember.

Rivermonsters · 18/08/2021 10:56

@SunShinesBrightly ikr. I got to a FE college and most of them offer a levels

Peppaismyrolemodel · 18/08/2021 10:56

Me too!
Btechs = the alternative route for the more discerning teenager 😂👏

girlmom21 · 18/08/2021 10:56

@ChristopherTracy

I think the OP is getting a bit of a hard time here, yes options are available - just maybe not the options OP would like but last year I found the system very galling when we were told we hadnt made the grade (just the one of them) to stay on as the school themselves had given out the grades and so effectively chose who stayed and who went with predictable results.

There's a lot wrong with super selectives and the way they are allowed to operate (yes I know that bears shit in the woods).

If she wanted to be selective about the options available, she shouldn't have taken the lead on the applications/enrolment process.

Unfortunately, she didn't.

Now, the options are to be proactive and find him a place somewhere and hope that a better option arises, or to do nothing. By being super selective, she's choosing to do nothing.

LadyPenelope68 · 18/08/2021 10:56

@hocusspocuss

am not confused, I am pretty certain OP is avoiding all the local comprehensive school sixth forms and FE colleges as they are, yknow, a bit common

Think you’ve hit the nail on the head here. Would seem that the OP would rather her son didn’t do A Levels at all if he had to go to other then selective grammar.

girlmom21 · 18/08/2021 10:57

*should have, not shouldn't have

Hdhdjejdj · 18/08/2021 10:57

@logincard Seriously, you need to start looking beyond the A level years. What happens after that is more important. If you try to squeeze him into a situation which you know has already not worked out for him, you’ll make the same mistake again.

SunShinesBrightly · 18/08/2021 10:58

@MadameMinimes

That was my point. She’s focusing on the fact that he missed the overall entry criteria by one grade (53 instead of 54), but to do the two sciences he wants to do he actually needs an average grade of an 8… he’s much further away from that. So even if they did admit him, he wouldn’t be able to do Biology and Chemistry.
Exactly this.
edwinbear · 18/08/2021 10:58

@Monestera - thank you, that's kind. It did all work out in the end though, I read Economics, worked harder than ever knowing I'd need a good degree result to compensate for my awful A levels. Achieved a 2:1 and went into investment banking where I've been my entire career. It taught me resilience and how to speak up for myself which has stood me in good stead!

Jorrris · 18/08/2021 10:59

Not rtft but could you consider an online school if he wants to do A Levels?

SunShinesBrightly · 18/08/2021 11:00

@Rivermonsters

Not read the entire thread but have you considered a traditional college sort of thing?
The OP is avoiding talking about them (other than to say they don’t offer the A levels her DS wants to study - when in fact they do).
hoxtonbabe · 18/08/2021 11:01

Hey what’s wrong with btecs? Not sure why it’s being frowned upon. My DS did just fine!

I think part of the nose turn at Btec is because not all university’s accept them and they tend to be the more prestigious ones 🙄

As I mentioned, my now 23 year old, DS tat graduated some 10 months ago did a Btec, went university and is now working in the field he studied in, and already saved more than I ever could at his age ( or now even ) to put towards his mortgage.

Not sure how that end result is different to a path that someone who went to a selective school and sat Alevels, took

asadlittleflower · 18/08/2021 11:02

Honestly, @logincard, make sure his name is on the waiting lists at a number of your preferred sixth forms and he will be offered a place at the start of term. So many students hold multiple places and they will drop out. Lots of local schools had sixth forms that were not full last term, its only with the pressure of a new year that they appear full.
Good luck to your son with his A Levels

Monestera · 18/08/2021 11:02

Not read the entire thread but have you considered a traditional college sort of thing? Another genuine lol.

NerrSnerr · 18/08/2021 11:02

@hoxtonbabe BTECs are not being frowned upon. If you read the thread one person laughed at the suggestion of BTEC because of the OP's views about colleges- she is clearly not going to want her son to do a BTEC because of her own snobbery.