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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that parents are taking one set of grandchildren on holiday?

97 replies

Strawberrirose · 17/08/2021 14:09

Hello!
First post- just need to understand if I’m BU or not…
My parents today mentioned that they are taking my sister’s children on holiday for a week during the next half term ( UK seaside, holiday park). Not going with my sister, just taking the children, not all her children, only 3 as they cannot fit all 5 in the car.
No mention of taking the other 3 or my own 2 children on holiday another time.
AIBU to feel this is a bit unfair on the grandchildren they are not taking on holiday?

There isn’t really much of a back story to this, they usually treat them all quite fairly to be honest.
I do take my children away a lot and my sisters children haven’t been on a holiday for a while, but I just feel like the children not going won’t see it like that and will wonder why some of the grandchildren get to go on a holiday with grandparents and others don’t.
My own grandparents did a similar thing when I was a child with one set of grandkids and it always made me feel left out and I’m just really surprised my parents are now doing the same!
I said to my mum I thought it was a bit unfair, and won’t say anything else as it’s their choice what they do but she seemed to think the explanation that the can only fit 3 in the car made it ok!

OP posts:
CabbagesGreen · 17/08/2021 14:11

I'd wait and see if they invite yours to something else another time

plodalong12 · 17/08/2021 14:12

How do you expect the rest of the kids to fit in the car if it only has 3 spare seats? Cling to the roof? It’s not like they’ve invited all of hers and just left yours out. If they normally treat them fairly then YABU.

rubyslippers · 17/08/2021 14:12

I think the other kids (the two that can’t fit in the car) would and should be more upset that they aren’t going on holiday - that sounds like a recipe for disaster and acrimony

foreverandalways · 17/08/2021 14:13

My mum did this with my eldest child for years and left my other two children out until I put a complete stop to it

Movingsoon21 · 17/08/2021 14:13

They will probably take yours another time. Drama over nothing!

plodalong12 · 17/08/2021 14:13

@rubyslippers

I think the other kids (the two that can’t fit in the car) would and should be more upset that they aren’t going on holiday - that sounds like a recipe for disaster and acrimony
There are 5 kids not going, 2 of the OPs and 3 of her sisters.
Mrstamborineman · 17/08/2021 14:14

Totally UR I them unless there is something you are not privy to. Sometimes people try to compensate for something. Could this be the case?

Or they have the chosen the Gc they can handle, still UR but only know if one or 3 dc are easier than others- that could the reason?? Still shit though.

DelphiniumBlue · 17/08/2021 14:14

I do take my children away a lot and my sisters children haven’t been on a holiday for a while
There's your answer.
If you think your DC won't understand that, then you need to explain it to them - they've had lots of holidays and their cousins haven't.
I'm guessing the GP took the 3 oldest ones, have they said how they decided which if the siblings to take?

lazyarse123 · 17/08/2021 14:15

Yadnbu, how did they decide which kids to take? If it's too expensive to go more than once they could have done a couple of long weekends.
Slightly different but I remember my mil saying she had taken one of her other gds to the seaside for a day and my 6year old asking when we got home why grandma hadn't taken her. So upsetting for those not included.

Skybluepinkgiraffe · 17/08/2021 14:15

I'm wondering if they are trying to help your sister out in what limited way they can. It's not always easy to be totally fair all the time. My parents used to take one of mine, plus one of their friends. Over the years it balanced out.
How is communication within your family?

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 17/08/2021 14:15

Wow that's going to do wonders for those sibling relationships...
They could have hired a bigger car....

Skybluepinkgiraffe · 17/08/2021 14:16

@DelphiniumBlue

I do take my children away a lot and my sisters children haven’t been on a holiday for a while There's your answer. If you think your DC won't understand that, then you need to explain it to them - they've had lots of holidays and their cousins haven't. I'm guessing the GP took the 3 oldest ones, have they said how they decided which if the siblings to take?
That was my thinking too.
icedcoffees · 17/08/2021 14:17

I think it's worse that they're only taking three of your sisters' DC and leaving two out, tbh. If they can't take all five from one family, they shouldn't take any IMO, unless the other two are going another time?

I also wonder what age all the DC are and whether you and your sister have partners, or is she a single parent perhaps?

picklemewalnuts · 17/08/2021 14:18

Is it fair for some grandchildren to get holidays and others not?
If I had 8 grandchildren, and 3 often went to the seaside while 5 never did, I would take the 5 as and when I was able, before the 3.

Viviennemary · 17/08/2021 14:19

It doesnt sound that bad tbh. But if they do it every year and never ask yours then you have a right to be annoyed.

StormyTeacups · 17/08/2021 14:19

How old are the kids not going? As in, your sister's kids? You can't possibly be expecting them to take all 7 at once?

I would assume they're helping your sister out, 5 children on the whole is harder than 2

plodalong12 · 17/08/2021 14:19

@Skybluepinkgiraffe

I'm wondering if they are trying to help your sister out in what limited way they can. It's not always easy to be totally fair all the time. My parents used to take one of mine, plus one of their friends. Over the years it balanced out. How is communication within your family?
The sister has six children. I’m not surprised if she would get more help compared to OP who has two (but OP even says normally it’s all done fairly).
vivainsomnia · 17/08/2021 14:20

Are they taking the elder ones? It sounds like they feel sorry for them. Yours get to go on holiday, the younger ones probably don't miss as much being on holiday and enjoying the activities. They want to treat the older ones who will make the most of it. I think it's a lovely thing to do to kids who probably don't get as much one to one attention.

If they are taking younger kids, unless it is because the older ones don't care to go, it is a bit odd.

Howshouldibehave · 17/08/2021 14:20

I do take my children away a lot and my sisters children haven’t been on a holiday for a while, but I just feel like the children not going won’t see it like that

There’s your answer!

If your children are really struggling to understand that (are they? Do they even know?), then explain it better. Say x and y haven’t had a holiday for years and we are lucky to go away every year/6 months etc, isn’t it nice granny is giving them a holiday!

It really shouldn’t be more than a 2 minute explanation.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/08/2021 14:21

My PILs are currently on holiday with two of their five grandchildren. Happens to be my two. In the past it has just been my DN, or DN and DD1, or DN and both my DDs. In the future, I'm sure they will take the youngest two.

Treating fairly doesn't necessarily mean treating identically. They may be planning three separate trips... five kids is a lot, seven is way to many to manage at once.

timeisnotaline · 17/08/2021 14:22

I do take my children away a lot and my sisters children haven’t been on a holiday for a while
This- I wouldn’t dream of minding because other children get a chance for a holiday. I’d feel very bad for the 2 of your sisters children who didn’t get to go though!

Blossomtoes · 17/08/2021 14:22

@Brollypackedforscottishholiday

Wow that's going to do wonders for those sibling relationships... They could have hired a bigger car....
A bigger car to fit how many? I think they’re absolute heroes to take three kids away, let alone more.
Original poster
Strawberrirose · 17/08/2021 14:23

Yes it’s probably this, and yes it’s the eldest of her children they are taking.

I’m sure my kids won’t think anything of it, I just feel it’s a bit unfair as there hasn’t been any talk of doing anything with the others not going and I doubt there will be (they won’t be able to afford another holiday anytime soon)
I just don’t think it’s something I would do, I think I would always treat any grandchildren the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawberrirose · 17/08/2021 14:24

@timeisnotaline

I do take my children away a lot and my sisters children haven’t been on a holiday for a while This- I wouldn’t dream of minding because other children get a chance for a holiday. I’d feel very bad for the 2 of your sisters children who didn’t get to go though!
Yes it’s the two not going I feel uncomfortable about. It’s sad for them, they are all close in age also.
OP posts:
TwoLeftElbows · 17/08/2021 14:25

Sometimes being fair doesn't mean being equal. Your sister's kids have limited opportunities to go away. Let this one go.

My kids have lots of opportunities for after school activities but my brother's kids do not. My parents pay for scouts and brownies for my brother's kids so they get to do something. I, and my kids, would have to be incredibly spoilt to interpret this as favouritsm.