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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby’s first Christmas

104 replies

Rosiee95 · 16/08/2021 23:13

Hi everybody I’m wanting a bit of advice really. It’s our babies first Christmas this year and obviously both sets of grandparents are going to want to see him. My MIL is slightly overbearing and tends to want to take over when we go round to their house, she means well but gets slightly carried away. She’s started asking about our plans for Christmas already. I’m wanting a quiet Christmas and to see my parents but obviously need to include the in laws too. Our house isn’t huge and don’t really have the room to host both families for Christmas dinner. I’m just wondering what people tend to do at Christmas so that one side isn’t left out. I’d rather have Christmas dinner at my parents but feel like this is going to cause tension with my mother in law. HELP

OP posts:

Mamamia7962 · 16/08/2021 23:16

Could you go to your parents on Christmas Day and to your in laws on Boxing Day?

Megan2018 · 16/08/2021 23:18

We had Christmas Day on our own and saw family from
each side Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.
It was lovely, save yourselves the stress.

ifindoubtdoit · 16/08/2021 23:22

We take it year about.

This year though we're going out for Christmas Dinner! I've never been out for Christmas Dinner before. We'll see both sets of parents that morning.

MIL a bit like yours wants us to go to theirs for Dinner and has already asked on 3 occasions

DoucheCanoe · 16/08/2021 23:27

We live 200 miles from my In-laws so we have Christmas with my parents and New Year's with them.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 16/08/2021 23:28

@Megan2018

We had Christmas Day on our own and saw family from each side Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. It was lovely, save yourselves the stress.

This is one of the fairest ways

Chloemol · 16/08/2021 23:29

Christmas Day on your own, Boxing Day morning one family, afternoon with the other

Aquamarine1029 · 16/08/2021 23:30

Christmas brunch at one of the grandparents, dinner at the others, and home alone to relax on Boxing Day. Christmas Eve at yours for drinks and snacks if you wish.

LaikO · 16/08/2021 23:30

I don't see a problem with seeing your parents on Christmas day and offering your in-laws either Christmas eve or boxing day.

OwlinaTree · 16/08/2021 23:32

@LaikO

I don't see a problem with seeing your parents on Christmas day and offering your in-laws either Christmas eve or boxing day.

Yes, then do it the other way round the next year.

Or would one set of parents host you and the other set of parents on the day?

LaikO · 16/08/2021 23:44

Those are both good suggestions ^ we swap around each year (due to distance we couldn't see both sets of parents at once).

BatshitBanshee · 16/08/2021 23:51

So spend Christmas Day with your parents and offer MIL Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. Just because she expects it doesn't mean she gets it. You have your own family now, you make the rules.

Throughabushbackwards · 17/08/2021 00:03

I'd suggest Christmas Eve dinner with the in-laws then a quiet Christmas Day at home with your parents. Boxing Day sometimes feels like an afterthought whereas Christmas Eve is still full of anticipation.

Saoirse82 · 17/08/2021 00:09

To work around this we have our meal later on Xmas day, so in the early afternoon we'll go to and spend a few ours with MIL and then we go to my sisters with my parents that evening and have dinner there. I suppose for us it's not too much of a faff because our families live close by so we manage this with no issues.

Kite22 · 17/08/2021 00:21

Are you all living close by?

Or would seeing either set of Grandparents mean staying with them for a few days ?
As that makes a difference.

However, as most people have said, the one thing you ought to do is be fair to both sets of Grandparents. Work out if you want to host or if you want to visit, and then take turns each year.

WoMandalorian · 17/08/2021 00:26

Alternate years. Go to your parents Xmas day and in laws boxing day. Then switch next year.

Mammyloveswine · 17/08/2021 00:40

My first babies first Chris that we went to the in-laws Christmas Eve and went to the christingle service at church.. stayed at theirs and did presents and breakfast., then went to my parents in the afternoon for Christmas dinner.

Now we have 2 children and they are older we do Christmas morning home, Christmas dinner at my parents (they have moved up to live near us) and then Boxing Day we travel to see the in laws and family!

TheGlitterFairy · 17/08/2021 04:00

First Christmas for baby here too. We’ll be having Christmas Eve/ day at home (we usually do this anyway) and will see family either side. They live at opposite ends of the country so overnight stays needed. I’ve also said that if anyone wants to come to us then they’re welcome to but we’ll be at home. Good to have Christmas at home as a new family

Losttheequipment · 17/08/2021 04:46

@BatshitBanshee

So spend Christmas Day with your parents and offer MIL Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. Just because she expects it doesn't mean she gets it. You have your own family now, you make the rules.

Hmm, the in-laws are DH’s family. Does he not get input into “the rules”? What does he think OP?

SamVimes6 · 17/08/2021 04:46

Invite both sets of parents/grandparents for breakfast or just coffee. Let them know you want Christmas Day at home, by yourselves. Cooking your own Christmas lunch.

Maybe visit them on Boxing Day. One for lunch, one for early is evening. Leave to put baby to bed reasonably early. Enjoy Boxing Day evening at home too.

HungryHippo11 · 17/08/2021 05:06

We do one set on Christmas day and one on boxing day. And alternate each year. Whoever ends up with boxing day this year might be a bit cheesed off, remind them that babies second Christmas will be a lot more exciting than their first as the child will be (somewhat) aware of their presents and things like that.

What did you do before you had the baby? Were your in laws ever interested in seeing you at Christmas before, if not then I would give them the boxing day slot this year 🤣

lazyarse123 · 17/08/2021 05:09

@Megan2018

We had Christmas Day on our own and saw family from each side Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. It was lovely, save yourselves the stress.

This is what we did before kids and after.

ohidoliketobe · 17/08/2021 05:25

I'm an only child and we live local to both sets of DPs. But I never wanted to spend Christmas day traipsing kids between houses. It's taken a few years but we've settled into a routine. Key fo me and DH is to make it as stress free for us as possible.

We quickly got fed up with trying to wrestle small people to the table to eat on Christmas day, so we now do Christmas Dinner at ours on Christmas eve which my parents and Gran come to (they more than pull their weight with prep and costs).

Christmas day is spent at home, food is buffet style feed your face as and when you want. We've found this much more relaxing and the kids love it. Anyone is welcome to call round to ours that day to see us and the kids, have a drink and a bite to eat. My parents generally come mid afternoon, help tidy and get the kids to bed when they crash and burn later that evening and ply us with booze. In laws tend not to take us up on the offer. But that's fine.

We visit PIL in the evening of boxing day. Lovely people but it's a high stress affair, set timings and foods and rules. When we've arrived, DHs siblings, their partners and kids have run MIL ragged for over 48 hours and there's usually been several arguments. However, because we've had a laid back Christmas day we find our kids are more settled as they're not tired and over hyped up. So we're able to visit, play nice and then head back home for more booze and chocolates in front of the TV without us becoming drawn into anything!

somuchcoffeeneeded · 17/08/2021 05:33

For baby’s first we all went to a hotel for Christmas dinner.

HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 17/08/2021 05:34

What does your dh think? We take it in turns as we both like to see our parents at Christmas. We included everyone on dd's first Christmas as we knew it would mean a lot to them. Actually, I think squeezing round the table/lounge etc is all part of the fun? Doesn't mean you have to do all the cooking, but M &S prepped veg etc and get family to bring bits done.

OutOfTrousers · 17/08/2021 05:36

We do Christmas Eve and Day alone and meet with IL's sometime between New Year. We can't meet with my family due to distance.

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