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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby’s first Christmas

104 replies

Rosiee95 · 16/08/2021 23:13

Hi everybody I’m wanting a bit of advice really. It’s our babies first Christmas this year and obviously both sets of grandparents are going to want to see him. My MIL is slightly overbearing and tends to want to take over when we go round to their house, she means well but gets slightly carried away. She’s started asking about our plans for Christmas already. I’m wanting a quiet Christmas and to see my parents but obviously need to include the in laws too. Our house isn’t huge and don’t really have the room to host both families for Christmas dinner. I’m just wondering what people tend to do at Christmas so that one side isn’t left out. I’d rather have Christmas dinner at my parents but feel like this is going to cause tension with my mother in law. HELP

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 17/08/2021 05:56

What have you been doing until now?
The fairest thing is to just alternate between your and his family for Christmas although depends on how close you all live as to whether you can see them all on one day or not

CheshireDing · 17/08/2021 05:59

Don’t set yourselves up for a life of trogging around the country on Christmas Day with your children(if you have more), when all they want to do is stay at home and play with their new toys.

Stay home on Christmas Day with your baby then see parents/in laws in between Christmas and New Year.

WTF475878237NC · 17/08/2021 06:02

We decide each year what we fancy and have never got drawn into "turns".

MyOtherProfile · 17/08/2021 06:07

Do either set of grandparents have any other family to spend Christmas with?

Actually we wanted Christmas to be family time so even though we lived in a tiny house at the time we squeezed everyone in on Christmas day and have kept the tradition ever since. Everyone comes to us on Christmas day and we do what we like the rest of the time. Kids and grandparents love it.

RedMarauder · 17/08/2021 06:29

You do realise you are setting yourself up for 10 years of altering Christmas Day with each others parents until your children rebel?

Do Christmas Eve and Christmas Day on your own. Then from Boxing Day arrange to visit each others families.

HungryHippo11 · 17/08/2021 06:34

You do realise you are setting yourself up for 10 years of altering Christmas Day with each others parents until your children rebel?
I don't see what the problem is with "setting myself up" for this. I like seeing our families at Christmas, would be bored stiff having a roast at home like any other Sunday.
I never rebelled as a kid either, I liked spending time with my grandparents. If my children don't when they're older then we can reassess.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/08/2021 06:38

Definitely do Christmas Day on your own.

We see one set of grandparents before Christmas, and the other after. We make sure we do something like a pantomime with each (oura are older now). But Christmas Day is just about calmness and the kids having fun.

Next 20 years you will constantly balancing things to make sure their 'fair'. It can be exhausting. Birthdays, school holidays, just seeing the kids...

yikesanotherbooboo · 17/08/2021 06:55

DC's first Christmas we were moving house and staying at ILs. My parents came too .Second Christmas we did the same , Dsibling was also invited.The third year everyone went to my parents and ever since they have come to us with a couple of occasions when we ate at DSis on Christmas Day and Boxing Day here.

StarfishDish · 17/08/2021 07:04

We usually do in laws in the morning, dinner at home, then my parents in the afternoon

FuckingFlumps · 17/08/2021 07:11

Another vote for staying at home and doing your own thing on Christmas day and seeing relatives in Christmas eve and boxing day.

It's much better to set the precident early so that in a few years time when your child wants to spend their day playing with their new toys you're not facing a situation where you're dragging them away to reluctantly see relatives simply because it's their turn.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 17/08/2021 07:15

I grew up where Christmas ahave a main (pressie 😁) part on Christmas Eve. We always spent Christmas eve by ourselves in peace, if you have a single relative or friend, they join in, (but don't forget to set an extra plate if you are an uneven number at the table!) then 25th one family, 26th second family. Everyone git their time of Christmas cheer as much as Christmas peace. Highly recommended

SchrodingersImmigrant · 17/08/2021 07:16

Christmas aren't just 1 day😁

PluggingAway · 17/08/2021 07:22

We always have Christmas day at our own house. We visit relatives on different days around Christmas.

I think feeling pulled from pillar to post on Christmas day, and doing lots of travelling, ruins the whole experience. My kids love waking up on Christmas morning and knowing that they're spending the whole day at home playing with their new toys, eating nice food that they have requested, and generally having fun and relaxing.

Wornout12108 · 17/08/2021 07:24

As it's baby's first Christmas whatever you say or do will set the precedent for the forthcoming years. We try to do one year at ours, one year at my family, one year at parent in law.
Thanks have to say keep it easy and as simple as you can so you can enjoy time
With your kids.
We've had situations where we have spent hours up and down the motorway to see everyone, we didn't enjoy it. Had everyone over to ours like 20 plus people and I barely saw the kids, they had a great time with family but I missed loads being tied to the kitchen most of the day. Had a sort of
Schedule
One year to visit in laws as they are a big family so we were asked to go over between 11 and 2, that worked well. Holiday over Christmas was lovely one year for real peace and quiet and time with the kids just us. Family evening party and morning opening gifts with other side of family. There are lots of things you can try and do, but always keep in mind what you want to do. In your
situation I would stay at my own place and ask them to come over in the morning or late afternoon. You can have some nice party food bits or mince pies and your kid will probably be less overwhelmed too.

ForkedIt · 17/08/2021 07:32

We loosely planned alternating plans with our parents for Christmas (people had to travel so couldn’t do Christmas Eve / Boxing Day visits etc) and my mum said she was happy for the in-laws to have the first Christmas as the baby’s second Christmas would be more interesting (I think there may have been some mention of the baby basically being a potato for the first Christmas)
She wasn’t wrong to be fair - baby was 4 months at her first Christmas so no dinner or opening presents!

manhattenrain · 17/08/2021 07:39

You could do Christmas Eve at either your parents or in laws house, have Christmas to yourselves and then Boxing Day at the others?

Lunch at ones and dinner at the others?

Kona84 · 17/08/2021 07:42

We have Christmas Day just me, my partner and the dog. This year we will also have a baby.
Boxing Day we go to see my partners family.
I tend to see my family by dropping in in the lead up to Xmas they all have their own big families so we don’t feel the pressure to go for dinner etc

NotThatSocial · 17/08/2021 07:43

Neither of our families are local. We spend Christmas with one family and then see the other between Christmas and New Year. And alternate each year.

Henrytheehoover · 17/08/2021 07:45

@CheshireDing

Don’t set yourselves up for a life of trogging around the country on Christmas Day with your children(if you have more), when all they want to do is stay at home and play with their new toys.

Stay home on Christmas Day with your baby then see parents/in laws in between Christmas and New Year.

This! We stay home on Christmas day in our PJs and visit the families on boxing day.

My mum gets it, because she had four kids herself. Between all of the excitement of lots of new toys for the kids and then the hassle of dinner, it's too much hard work trying to get everyone out. It's so much more relaxing when you can just spend the day in your PJs, having a nice glass of baileys and not have to be clock watching.

Forevercurious · 17/08/2021 07:47

We do Christmas morning the three of us at home, Christmas dinner and afternoon at the in laws. Then Boxing Day morning at home with the 4 of us (DSS comes later Christmas Day night) and another Christmas dinner and afternoon at my parents. We do this every year, do not alternate who we see Christmas and Boxing Day and it works well for us plus all of our siblings.

Apeirogon · 17/08/2021 07:49

We've never combined my parents and DH's parents on Christmas day - we do alternate years.

So YANBU to see your parents this year but on the understanding that it is your PIL's turn next year. It would be very unfair to always see your parents for Christmas!

2pinkginsplease · 17/08/2021 07:50

I thin pizza you either stay home Christmas Day and see everyone Christmas Eve or Boxing Day or you do alternate christmas days with each family,

My mil has 4 children and 2 of them spend every single Christmas day their wives family leaving DH and i and his other sibling running about to see both sets of parents on Christmas Day as we feel sorry that she is being snubbed by his other siblings! I find it quite selfish.

Ginger1982 · 17/08/2021 07:51

We used to see both sets of parents on Christmas Day, usually lunch with mine then dinner with in laws. We sometimes popped in on DH's brother and sister too. It was exhausting. Fortunately, we live in a bigger house now so host both sets together on Christmas Day and see other family members throughout the holiday period. Yes, it means the cooking stress and mess is at our house but DS can play with his toys and it's just easier all round.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 17/08/2021 07:52

Please remember Xmas is about the dc having a great time not appeasing sulky adults...
Have Xmas at home. Offer up visiting arrangements for them to visit you.
Xmas eve afternoon tea? Boxing day cold buffet lunch?
Keep Xmas day for yourselves!! When your dc is older /more dc you will be miserable dragging car loads of stuff and a dc who wants to stay home around...

Wheresmrpenguin · 17/08/2021 07:53

We had my family over for a breakfast and present opening in the morning, Christmas day on our own and my DP's family came over boxing day.

No idea what we're doing this year.

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