Baby’s first Christmas

[Rosiee95]

Hi everybody I’m wanting a bit of advice really. It’s our babies first Christmas this year and obviously both sets of grandparents are going to want to see him. My MIL is slightly overbearing and tends to want to take over when we go round to their house, she means well but gets slightly carried away. She’s started asking about our plans for Christmas already. I’m wanting a quiet Christmas and to see my parents but obviously need to include the in laws too. Our house isn’t huge and don’t really have the room to host both families for Christmas dinner. I’m just wondering what people tend to do at Christmas so that one side isn’t left out. I’d rather have Christmas dinner at my parents but feel like this is going to cause tension with my mother in law. HELP

Complete depends how close they live to you but if they are local you can see both sides. Brunch with one side of the family, lunch with the other, home for the evening. Don’t attempt to host for your first year with a new baby.

If you want to start alternating where you spend the whole day, however, you need to start this year.

I would see one on Christmas Eve, one on Boxing Day or start alternating Christmas Day. We used to alternate Christmas Day but once the kids got to about age 4 we stopped seeing others Christmas Day as it was a pain opening presents and then the children having to leave them at home while we visited people.

We usually host on Christmas Day both sides of the family which we Love, but we will have a very newborn and decided it might be too much. So we are all going out for Christmas lunch instead. I’m so excited 😀

You do realise there is a dedicated Christmas forum for this sort of inane twaddle?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas

Oh don’t start hosting and doing something set in stone, you’ll be stuck for years.

Prepare everything for your dinner the night before. Invite them over for breakfast then send them packing. Seriously.

Read with interest as we have same concern, I’m due Nov FTM and it’s first grandchild so lots of burns about Xmas already.

We’ve generally always spent Xmas at my parents with my sibling, and then Boxing Day at the in-laws, not a preference to my family just how it’s works with in laws and numbers and them visiting other people too.

This year my mum has already dropped huge hints about ‘keeping The tradition’ at her house and she loves to go OTT and it’s already causing me huge anxiety.

We’re leaning more towards having Xmas at our home, open invitation to parents/siblings on any of the 3 key days that works for them to visit (each set are max 90 mins away), but setting the precedent now that our family will start our tradition with Xmas day at home from now, I don’t ever remember being carted off to see GP’s on Xmas day and I wouldn’t want that for my kids. Like others have said, kids want to be at gone with their toys, their comforts, their house not sat on GP’s sofa waiting for a formal meal.

It’s going to be very tough to break down that barrier I think, but I’m not even broaching it until baby is here but I’m going to do what’s best for my family and myself in terms of stress, rather than other people’s feelings of being hurt by change of traditions. Change is good!

[quote TheGenealogist]You do realise there is a dedicated Christmas forum for this sort of inane twaddle?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas[/quote]
There's probably a sub forum on mumsnet that 99% of topics on aibu or chat could be posted in which are more appropriate but everyone knows you're much more likely to get a response posting on the more popular pages.

It was very obvious what the thread was about, so not sure why you felt the need to click on it and post such an unhelpful response.

Because it's AUGUST and the inane shite about Christmas has started already?

My advice would be don't start the "Xmas at Parents, next Xmas at PILs" round - it will never end. Don't try and host everyone on the same day, you won't enjoy your DCs Xmas that way.

Put your foot down and have Xmas Day in your own house with just your little family. Make sure you spend another day with PILs and another day with your own parents over the holidays where you or they host.

@TheGenealogist

Because it's AUGUST and the inane shite about Christmas has started already?

So don't click on it. It's not hard to ignore threads your not interested in an dit adds absolutely nothing useful for the OP.

Sorry for the short derail OP.

When I was a child all my grandparents and my aunt's family lived close by so we all had Christmas Dinner at our own houses and everyone came to our house at about 3 o'clock and stayed for afternoon tea and the evening. This worked really well as not so much space is needed for sandwiches and cake and no one had to cook a huge roast. Also all the family children got the morning to play with their new toys.

Don’t start a routine of alternating. It’s restrictive, and difficult to get out of.

Have Christmas Day at home as a family, and see extended family as-and-when over Christmas week.

Don’t indulge any sulking or whining. They’re adults and it’s one day.

Its all very well saying just stay at home as some have and that fine if that's what you want. However to many people the time with family including grandparents is more important and alternating is a good way to allow for that. Also, it doesn't necessarily have to be the same every year, you can choose to be elsewhere another year if you want to - it can remain flexible.

@HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur

Its all very well saying just stay at home as some have and that fine if that's what you want. However to many people the time with family including grandparents is more important and alternating is a good way to allow for that. Also, it doesn't necessarily have to be the same every year, you can choose to be elsewhere another year if you want to - it can remain flexible.

But you still see your families in the days before and after. Again. Christmas aren't just 1 day.😁

I honestly don't understand why people put themselves through such pressure to travel around on Christmas day when they could do more relaxed version on other days of Christmas.

@TheGenealogist

Because it's AUGUST and the inane shite about Christmas has started already?

Some people have to plan early. Mine have been planned for weeks

@HungryHippo11

You do realise you are setting yourself up for 10 years of altering Christmas Day with each others parents until your children rebel? I don't see what the problem is with "setting myself up" for this. I like seeing our families at Christmas, would be bored stiff having a roast at home like any other Sunday. I never rebelled as a kid either, I liked spending time with my grandparents. If my children don't when they're older then we can reassess.

I don't get the MN love for spending Christmas as just a nuclear family either, especially with very young children. We had to do it last year because of coronavirus and Christmas just us and a toddler was notably inferior to a Christmas day with adoring grandparents who will happily play with the toddler while I actually get to sit down and drink bucks fizz. Obviously this relies on the grandparents being adoring and helpful but I found it really hard to make it not just another day and am so hoping that it'll be a big family Christmas this year - happy to either drive or host to make it so! As a kid, too, I much preferred big family Christmasses to spending the day as a four.

We usually do Christmas day at one set of parents and then boxing day at the other and alternate this each year.

For years we did the turns at each set of parents now we see family the week before Xmas and then apart from 2020 we have flown off to the Caribbean about the 22nd Dec and returned once all the festivities are over. Realised last year when we had to cancel our trip just what a great decision we made to avoid the family squabbles about whose turn it would be and who would be providing what on each day.

We're going to have Christmas day at home. DS will be just starting proper food so I want his first Christmas Dinner to be mine. PILs will probably come to us for dinner and we'll invite everyone else to pop in if they want. Then we'll go to my DMs boxing day to see them and my sisters and DNs.

But the general rule is that I'm not driving about on Christmas day.

We’ve always had Christmas Day alone and we see my Mum and IL’s shortly before or after Christmas, usually go out for a meal.

We have christmas day at home, with DC. We made the decision when he arrived that we would not be travelling and spending the day at home. Its not fair to give all these presents to DC not not let him play with them as we have to go and see family.
We see my immediate family on Christmas eve, DH immediate family on boxing day and extend family the week before and after Xmas. Its lovely to spread the visits out over 2 weeks, DC doesn't get overwhelmed and we don't get stressed out 😁

Offer Christmas Eve and Boxing Day to both and spend Christmas Day alone. That way fair to both sets as neither miss out on anything on the actual day.
If you want to see your parents on the actual day, then it’s only fair your DH gets to do the same.

We alternate Christmas and new year with both sets of family. We set our early on that we would not be travelling anywhere on Christmas Day. We were initially very disappointed in lockdown that we couldn’t see anyone last year but actually a Christmas at home without travel or pressure to entertain was really nice.

Christmas day with your family, boxing day with in-laws and then swap every year. Or what we do, Christmas day at home, christmas eve with my family, boxing day with in-laws.

We take it in turns each year - and one set just naturally get lucky for the first Christmas! Other suggestions of having the day alone and seeing parents/in laws on Christmas eve/ boxing day sound fair.