Baby’s first Christmas

[Rosiee95]

Hi everybody I’m wanting a bit of advice really. It’s our babies first Christmas this year and obviously both sets of grandparents are going to want to see him. My MIL is slightly overbearing and tends to want to take over when we go round to their house, she means well but gets slightly carried away. She’s started asking about our plans for Christmas already. I’m wanting a quiet Christmas and to see my parents but obviously need to include the in laws too. Our house isn’t huge and don’t really have the room to host both families for Christmas dinner. I’m just wondering what people tend to do at Christmas so that one side isn’t left out. I’d rather have Christmas dinner at my parents but feel like this is going to cause tension with my mother in law. HELP

We had Christmas Day on our own and saw family from
each side Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.
It was lovely, save yourselves the stress

Agree with a pp. This is the best way to do it.

Our Christmas isn't set in stone as DP is NHS so sometimes has to work Christmas day, but generally we'll spend Christmas on our own or with my mum and then there's a big boxing day bash at the in laws with DP's siblings. It works for everyone. Then we generally see my extended family for another do around New year (other end of the country).

I think things to take into account are:

• whether you'll need to travel far or stay overnight. If Santa is going to be a logistical nightmare then stay at home.

• what the rest of the family do. Do you have siblings? Alternating can be more complicated that way!

• if you're both only children I'd suggest hosting once they're in the prime toy years. But not this year!!

Growing up we had room for both grandparents who were still alive then. In your shoes I would have Christmas Day without either and meet them on December 24th or 26th.

Christmas Day at home, just you two and the baby.

Christmas Eve with your parents, Boxing Day with his (or the other way around).

Christmas day just yourselves, boxing day visit each for a couple of hours

We alternate years. My family one year, dh the next. Last Christmas we had Christmas just the three of us and it was really nice! We don't live particularly close to either side of the family, so it's more than just popping in affair.

@Megan2018

We had Christmas Day on our own and saw family from each side Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. It was lovely, save yourselves the stress.

This. One set on 24th, hone on 25th just you and other side on 26th. Alternate 24th/26th each year.

No rushing about and a relaxed Christmas Day all round!

I don't know what everyone else is doing to have this lovely, relaxing Christmas day with a baby or toddler and their partner?! I started a thread to ask how to make it nice and not just another day last December when it became clear that restrictions meant we'd be on our own for the day and everyone just replied saying 'yeah, it'll just be another day trying to entertain a 2 year old, maybe have a nice drink in the evening!'

(I particularly remember that everyone seemed to just recommend drinking once the toddler was in bed because I was 7 months pregnant last Christmas...)

We alternate, so one year we do Christmas day with my family and Christmas eve with my husband's, and the next year we swap.

Christmas Day at home, just you two and the baby.
Sorry but that sounds really boring. This year, more than any other, we have spent loads of time at home as a family just us and the baby. The baby isn't going to know its Christmas so it would just be a normal day of nappy changes, naps and early bedtime.

@Hardbackwriter

I don't know what everyone else is doing to have this lovely, relaxing Christmas day with a baby or toddler and their partner?! I started a thread to ask how to make it nice and not just another day last December when it became clear that restrictions meant we'd be on our own for the day and everyone just replied saying 'yeah, it'll just be another day trying to entertain a 2 year old, maybe have a nice drink in the evening!'

Well what make sit different to "just another family visit"? The food, the toys, the atmosphere

We wouldn't usually have so much of the family all together as we do at Christmas which is lovely in itself and also - and for me this is crucial and as I said it does depend on family being helpful - if there are lots of other adults there who are willing and eager to play with DS (and now, this year, the baby too) it means that DH and I get little pockets of time to do things like play a board game, sit and chat to other adults, enjoy a drink etc. Also if the family are all together he has other children to play with which I think is a much nicer Christmas for him too - but as I said I found the years we spent just as four for Christmas when I was a child a bit of a letdown and much preferred big, busy family Christmasses, so I don't really agree with the MN near consensus that children want to be at home for Christmas.

@Hardbackwriter

I don't know what everyone else is doing to have this lovely, relaxing Christmas day with a baby or toddler and their partner?! I started a thread to ask how to make it nice and not just another day last December when it became clear that restrictions meant we'd be on our own for the day and everyone just replied saying 'yeah, it'll just be another day trying to entertain a 2 year old, maybe have a nice drink in the evening!'

Yes but that's basically Christmas day with a baby or toddler. It's going to be nappy changes and just another day no matter where you are.

The reason people suggest it is because they are only babies and toddlers for a few years and you're setting a precident for the future when they will be children who want to stay home and play with their toys but you feel obligated to cart them off to the in laws because last year your parents saw them.

If you never set the precident when they are babies you can't feel the guilt when you want to change things as they grow.

My parents and grandparents were separated. So growing up, we had Christmas Eve dinner with mum's Dad and his family, Christmas Day lunch with Mum's Mum and her family (many of the same people) and then either Christmas dinner or Boxing Day lunch with Dad's family.

@Hardbackwriter I'm with you. We have a big extended family and loved getting altogether on Christmas Day. I don't relate to this concept of children wanting to stay home. There's every other day of the year to play with new toys! We'd also take toys to open at wherever we were going and games for all the kids to play together.

We take it in turns to visit each set of grandparents. We do make sure that we visit the ones we are not staying with on actual Christmas Day at some point in the Christmas/New Year period though. It means we have never hosted though and I actually loved the imposed Christmas at home last Christmas.

@BatshitBanshee

So spend Christmas Day with your parents and offer MIL Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. Just because she expects it doesn't mean she gets it. You have your own family now, you make the rules.

Dear god! Do people really think this is okay?

Christmas is always madness as we do;

• 9-2ish at my nanas
• 2 till 6ish at my MIL
• 6ish till late at my parents

HOWEVER, that was pre baby and for last Xmas in which she was more portable being only a few months old. It was stressful, and not enjoyable as I was breastfeeding and didn't want to feed in MILs house as I dislike BIL. This year I've no idea what we will do. I cba with stress. You have my sympathy

I suspect whether the children cope with Not Being In Their Own House All Of Christmas Day is highly dependent on how their parents feel about it.

When I was little we would open our stockings in my sister's bedroom and our Pile of Presents downstairs in the lounge. Possibly while my parents recovered from the late night and had a cup of tea, certainly without their direct involvement. Then we'd have breakfast (pork pie) and then go off to church, leaving all except maybe one small example of our fascinating new toys at home. Then we'd go to granny's for lunchtime dinner, again leaving most of the toys at home. Great-Uncle George was the one who gave my new doll her name (I suspect all the adults were horrified that I'd used the name on the box, Poppet ). Far from being desperate to get back to the new toys, there was always one of us who stayed overnight when everyone else went home.

Other granny (both were widowed by this point) would babysit on Christmas Eve and often come with us to local Boxing Day Walk Place.

This only stopped when my grandmother had a stroke, when I was 14. We started staying at home for dinner and having presents in the afternoon, the morning being taken up with two different churches' bells and music requirements. Then some of us would go to my aunt's for tea and daddy would break one of her Royal Doulton teacups washing up.

When H and I married we alternated Christmas / NY visiting parents for several years (Midlands and Essex, us living in the north). When S2 was a baby we felt that being away from home so long was getting too much for S1 so started travelling south on Boxing Day. My dad didn't want to travel by that point but H's parents came up alternate years. This did mean that we were around to sing on Christmas morning - and to ring, in a different church, when timings allowed.

I admit that for a couple of years S2 declined to ring on the grounds that he wanted to stay at home... but he was a teenager by then. At 15-16 he didn't seem to mind being at his granny's over Christmas.

We have Christmas Day on our own and see other family on Boxing Day/day after. Having a baby is a good excuse to start new traditions.

Hahaha. I didn't mean relaxed and in you can sit and relax if you have a baby and toddler! It's the same thing as a holiday with one (which is same shit, different location!).

But what I meant was you won't be running around hosting people, cooking for others, dealing with sulks from relatives all whilst still looking after baby and toddler.

Excellent posts @HungryHippo11

With all these dilemmas, it will depend on all sorts of things - like if you have to travel vs all live in walking distance.
If you want to attend things near home like your own Church services or other things you have traditionally done. Boxing Day is a big day for sports fixtures for example.
If you have siblings, and if your siblings have families.

For me I was glad to be invited to in-laws / parents for Christmas Dinner and not have to cook for ourselves, BUT both my in-laws and my parents are normal people and it was a pleasure to be there and to be looked after.
I grew up in a biggish family and would see it as a bit sad to be just me, dh and the baby for Christmas dinner.
However, we are all different.
I think the one thing you do have to remember is that your in-laws are related to your dh in just the same way you are related to your parents, and your dc is related to both sets of GPs in the same way.

Christmas drama in July

I've been with my partner 7 years and we have never spent Christmas together, we always go to our parents as I don't want to split the day up and he is happy to stay at his families so he can have a drink. This year it will be our first Christmas as a family. Our little one will be 10 months so we have said we will finally have Christmas together instead of pleasing others.

My partners mum has invited herself and her family for Christmas dinner. I said no as I don't want the pressure of hosting and all the cooking as I just want to play and spend it with my baby and partner. She is really insulted and insisting on coming. If she's comes there will be 8 or maybe 12 of them, and then I will have to invite my side of the family so that's 9. I can't invite one side without the other. Or should I stand my ground and not people please?

Partners mum has a history of this. She had booked holidays before without discussing and just sent the dates, place and price. She can be very controlling but partner doesn't back down so it's always left for me to do.

Belinda pet you are so very late to the party!! The op posted about Christmas 2021!!