to want to look older

[54321nought]

I am about to retire, and still getting mistaken for 30s/early 40s, and occasionally 20s.

This is not a good situation to be in, as people constantly misjudge me in all sorts of ways. I am nowhere near as strong as people expect me to be, and have far more professional experience.

I don't have any grey hair, and have never died my hair, but I am considering dying it grey before the new term

[quote FallingStar21]@imapotato absolutely, not far fetched at all. I am of similar age, also a relatively young mum (coupled with looking even younger!) and yes have been in exactly this kind of annoying situations[/quote]
Thank you.

While most of the time looking young is a positive, there are situations where it can be really annoying.

I suspect the people being so disbelieving have never been in this situation.

Mixed blessing i think
I look older than I am, and I'm just about reaching the point where I dislike it! It had its obvious advantages when I was a teenager, and its allowed me to look like I belong.
I'm currently in an nhs management position where I manage people much older than me, and I think people assume in general that I'm older. I wonder if my colleague who is the same age as me, but looks her age, would struggle to get respect or to belong. I know certainly that I've walked into difficult patient meetings where they assume I'm more experienced than her, and I've worked with people who have asked someone older than her.

However I'm now beginning to find that at 30 but looking older, I'm getting a bit invisible. People also are suprised when I don't have children, not married, don't own my house which isn't uncommon amongst my peers but I think people assume I should be further along than I am.

@imapotato actually I am one of those people. I am 30 and get the comment about being a 'young mum' and got ID'd for a room spray at QD last week. However, I am not relishing in it or bizarrely assuming people would think my husband is my dad.

@ScreamingMeMe

I’m not sure why some looking around 10 years younger upsets you so much. Lots of people do.

Which many people have acknowledged on this thread. The OP however is talking about looking 20, 30, even 40 years younger. That is patiently absurd.

I'm wondering if the OP is a troll post intended to flush out all the "I look soooo young for my age" humble braggers, tbh.

So why is everyone so disbelieving? I said I’m mid 30s but look mid 20s. Not 30 or 40 years younger (which is frankly ridiculous).

I Freely admitted most of the time I like it, but there are situations where it can be a bit awkward and annoying. This seems to have really got to some people. I’m actually not sure why.

[quote Imnewhere1991]@imapotato actually I am one of those people. I am 30 and get the comment about being a 'young mum' and got ID'd for a room spray at QD last week. However, I am not relishing in it or bizarrely assuming people would think my husband is my dad.[/quote]
I’m not bizarrely assuming anything. But he does look older than me, more so than he used to. I guess it’s just me being paranoid, probably unfoundedly. 🤷‍♀️

YANBU and it has not helped my career either

@ScreamingMeMe

I’m not sure why some looking around 10 years younger upsets you so much. Lots of people do.

Which many people have acknowledged on this thread. The OP however is talking about looking 20, 30, even 40 years younger. That is patiently absurd.

I'm wondering if the OP is a troll post intended to flush out all the "I look soooo young for my age" humble braggers, tbh.

That's actually a good point. It's working.

I get asked for ID and I've just turned 40

I think getting IDd isn't proof you look young.
See upthread, sales staff are under pressure and/or have a quota.

@clocktapus EDS does not mean excess collagen. It is defective collagen. I have it. I also get mistaken for 24/25 but I'm almost 44. My body however looks more like 90 😂

It's all in the gene pool. I'm 48 but have no wrinkles at all. I am overweight which does age me but generally most people would say mid 30's.

DM is 80 and could pass for early 60's easily.
My DGM died at 98 and could have passed for late 60's, early 70's.
DB is 58 and not a lot of wrinkles but DS takes after dads side of the family and is mid 50's but looks mid 60's.

I wouldn't expect a 48 year old to have any wrinkles tbh, especially if you are overweight as that plumps them out. A few fine lines maybe. I'm 60 and have forehead lines but my face isn't too bad. Obviously my jaw is not so firm as it was.

Faces may lie about ages but IMO hands, neck/throat and decolletage tell the truth!

@HmmmmmmInteresting This thread relates to her which is why I have mentioned a few times. What else am I meant to call her?

People always get upset with these types of threads. All say it's impossible to look more than 8 years younger, how everyone who has posted is lying etc etc. Same replies everytime.

@Booboosweet

Everyone thinks they look young for their age. It's just vanity.

I don't - I look like a right shed much older than I am. Despite still working every fucker thinks I am a retired grandparent already.

[quote Imapotato]@Imnewhere1991

I think YOU want to be seen as younger than you are, so perhaps act that way too.
Such as your husband looks like your dad...who would even think that

Sure, let’s go with that if it makes you feel better.

I’m not sure why some looking around 10 years younger upsets you so much. Lots of people do.[/quote]
No one at all is disputing you, or anyone looking ten years younger, it’s perfectly normal particularly these days, which is why people don’t believe that you looking ten years younger caused so much consternation with all the medical staff that it caused you distress, agree that if it upset you so much you should have complained for them being unprofessional. No one here is upset, just amused at your story.

@Imapotato obv some people look young and there’s no reason why you wouldn’t be one of them.

But like pps I thought your hospital story (the overall tone, plus every member of staff saying the same exact inappropriate thing on the same occasion) sounded made up. Just because real life isn’t normally so neatly scripted, not because you looking young is some kind of wild impossibility.

So that impression of (ironically quite young-sounding ) embellishment obviously reflects onto the rest of what you said. 🤷‍♀️

But I can see why you might prefer to characterise replies as doubting your youthful appearance, because we simply cannot relate to the challenges of looking so young.

What @LemonJuiceFromConcentrate said.

@Imapotato it's not that unusual for someone to look 8-10 years younger, and for someone in their early 30s to be mistaken for early 20s.

But as a number of posters have said, what has made YOUR story sound unbelievable and frankly laughable, is you saying every single health professional and nurse, (and every soul you encountered in that hospital,) crowed about how you look sooooooooooooooo young.'

It just wouldn't happen. Health care professionals in A & E wards have better things to do than massage the ego of someone in their 30s who thinks they look like a teenager.

I can imagine you actually sitting there saying 'have a guess how old I am.. Go on, go on!!! Betcha can't guess!'

Met people like you before ... Tedious af.

You know what I’m out. All I as trying to highlight that sometimes looking young does have a downside and gave a couple of examples.

It’s quite amusing how people have taken it and run with it to this extent, dramatising it to imagine that everyone was in utter consternation of my youthful appearance 🤦‍♀️, but I should have know better. This is mumsnet after all.

See ya ladies.

crowed about how you look sooooooooooooooo young

Sorry I couldn’t leave this one!!

Wtf. No one crowed. Seriously is that what you thought my point was? I was there with my dd. And yes people did pass comment, no one crowed why would you twist it and think that? I was just worried I wouldn’t be taken seriously, if people thought I was younger than I was.

Youve obviously never been in this position. It’s not the end of the world, but it is annoying.

Mumsnet has some seriously nasty posters who seem to think that anything outside of the sphere of experience cannot possibly be true. 🙄

Oh here we go, this thread is now 'disablist'. A lot of other things spring to mind, but not this.

I am mid thirties and look early twenties. People are regularly incredibly rude to me, when I speak with authority on a subject I am an expert in. I am often treated like an arrogant young person who is new to the field, as opposed to a grown woman with 15 years experience and many many qualifications under my belt.

I was ID'd buying wine when I was 40.

It is a curse!

At a work conference once someone assumed that I was a girl serving coffee and suggested I go back to school so that I can achieve stuff, rather than one of the bloody speakers.

It happens. That said, I do find it a bit hilarious to be nearing retirement and thinking you look like you are in your twenties. My ex was like this and everyone else was silently saying bollocks and rolling their eyes.

@54321nought

well, there are some suggestions here, it might be something to do with collegen, I don't know, and yes, I am stuck in "youthful" clothes with a "youthful" hair style, because I am dyspraxic and unable to change that.

However, there is a lot of downplaying here. I suppose people don't realise that this is a serious issue. Never mind that I just feel like a bit of a freak. I now look a generation younger than my younger sister, for a start.

And unless I keep telling people my age, they get entirely the wrong impression of me. I am a teacher, I work with many colleagues in their 20s and 30s, and if I don't tell people fairly early on in the working relationship how much older I am, then its a shock to them, like I am some sort of freak, or have deliberately defrauded them as a friend, or something.

Ans parents just assume I am too young to have secondary age children myself, even though my children are actually adult, and yes, this has an affect on our conversations, when I am talking about parenting.

I have lost a lot of weight recently, and assumed that would help, as I wouldn't have such a round chubby face, which I thought might make me look younger.

However, friends tell me its made the problem worse, and I am talking about close, life long , honest friends, the kind you can trust to tell you the truth.

Well, it is a big issue to me. I am not going to come back to this thread though, as most people here don't seem to realise I am serious, and asking for serious advice about a serious problem.

Thanks to those who did understand, and for the mention of collagen, it might be worth looking into whether I have some sort of collagen abnormality, if that is possible.

I am sorry about this and yes, it can truly be a problem. I once left my DC with a colleague of mine for a few days and the school called me as they thought she was a minor: she is 38 and has a PhD. She is Chinese and, as I have been working with her, I did not take into account how much younger she looks. It was embarrassing, she says it happens all the time and she tends to be rather aggressive at work to compensate.

[quote AngryWhompingWillow]@Booboosweet

Everyone thinks they look young for their age. It's just vanity.

This. ^

If anyone is IDd for booze past their early 30s, the person serving them either has awful eyesight, OR they are terrible at telling peoples age. NO-ONE in their mid 30s looks under 18. NO-ONE.

In fact, nobody looks more than 7 to 8 years younger than their age. Maybe at first glance a FEW people look 12-15 years younger. But not when you look properly. When you look close up, the vast majority of people look their age within 7-8 years... in either direction.

@Clocktopus saying she can look 5 to 10 years younger depending on how well she does her make up is believable, but the 'I get mistaken for a generation younger' bollux some people spout on here is laughable!

People are deluded if they think they look like a teenager when they are in their mid 30s, or like they're in their 20s, when they are in their 40s.

Sorry to disappoint you, but virtually everyone looks their age. (As I say, within 7 or 8 years - in either direction.)

Funny how some people (on here) claim they look waaaaay younger than their age, but no-one ever claims people mistake them for looking much older. [/quote]
Sorry I have to disagree. Entirely. My partner's colleague is 32, and he looks 19. Every single person at work assumes he's the intern and not the senior employee. Yes, generally you can tell a person is older but there are exceptions. Not sure about OP as it sounds a little far fetched (sorry OP ) but yes I think it's entirely plausible for some people to look a lot older or a lot younger.

@clocktapusEDS does not mean excess collagen. It is defective collagen. I have it. I also get mistaken for 24/25 but I'm almost 44. My body however looks more like 90

I have it too. My physiotherapist explained it as too much collagen, she didn't say whether it was the right sort or not though