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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to look older

226 replies

54321nought · 16/08/2021 16:51

I am about to retire, and still getting mistaken for 30s/early 40s, and occasionally 20s.

This is not a good situation to be in, as people constantly misjudge me in all sorts of ways. I am nowhere near as strong as people expect me to be, and have far more professional experience.

I don't have any grey hair, and have never died my hair, but I am considering dying it grey before the new term

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Bawse · 16/08/2021 23:57

@Maireas

C'mon OP - a picture? I had a very embarrassing situation recently when chatting to a neighbour she asked me how old I thought she was. I didn't want to upset her, so deducted about 10 years. I was only 2 years out! She said, "everyone thinks I'm younger than I am!". Close call Wink
Nah. Who takes 10 years off?
Maireas · 17/08/2021 00:02

Seriously, @Bawse, I thought I'd be kind and flattering! Bloody good job I was.
She glives me a cheery wave every day so I've obviously made her happy.

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 17/08/2021 00:15

If we are going down the celebrity photos route then it needs to be 60 plus year olds who look exceptionally young, (the point the OP was claiming) the only one I can think of is Christie Brinkley who is 67, she looks amazing but not 40 years younger than she is, if supermodel Christie can’t do it, no one can.

to want to look older
FallingStar21 · 17/08/2021 00:15

@imapotato absolutely, not far fetched at all. I am of similar age, also a relatively young mum (coupled with looking even younger!) and yes have been in exactly this kind of annoying situations

Booboosweet · 17/08/2021 00:32

This thread has given me such a chuckle. Lots of people seem to have the problems of looking too young, being too thin, being too beautiful...
Pics or it didn't happen Grin

WorraLiberty · 17/08/2021 00:39

@ZaraCarmichaelshighheels as attractive as Christie Brinkley looks in that photo, she's clearly had facial surgery, so it doesn't really count.

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 17/08/2021 01:02

That’s sort of my point Worra even with all the interventions she doesn’t look 27, I can’t really think of any 60 plus celebrity who looks exceptionally young who hasn’t had work.

NotMyCat · 17/08/2021 01:11

I think 10 years is fairly average - my dad is 71 and people usually put him at around 58-60
I did actually post a picture at his request elsewhere Grin (tell them I don't know what a filter is, he said) and people guessed from 55-65
I usually get 30-35 and I'm 37. But yes I get asked for ID, I guess because it's over 25 and I'm wearing a mask so it's best to ask to avoid fines anyway

milkyaqua · 17/08/2021 02:03

I just don't see how this is a problem if you are, as you say, about to retire.

HmmmmmmInteresting · 17/08/2021 02:18

@Ozanj

Are you darker skinned? If so I think not wearing make up / cutting hair if it’s long etc might help. If you’re lighter skinned then I think, with the greatest of respect, that they are probably being polite.
Grin
HmmmmmmInteresting · 17/08/2021 02:20

@DrSbaitso

and occasionally 20s

They probably can't see you very well when you've jumped that high over the shark.

🤣
HmmmmmmInteresting · 17/08/2021 02:38

[quote Imapotato]@AngryWhompingWillow

I thought that too. Although it's believable for a 36 y.o to be mistaken for mid 20s, claiming every single member of staff said she doesn't look old enough to be a mother of a 12 y.o, and claiming that they all said 'oooh but you look so YOUNG,' is over egging the pudding.

Sorry you find this so unbelievable. I can tell you on a night when you’re in A&E with your young teen for a serious issue that you need to be taken seriously about, it can feel very undermining when people constantly point out how young you look.

Is it really so unbelievable that some people may look up to around 10 years younger than their age? Really? Hmm[/quote]
Why are your colleagues so unprofessional? You're in there for a serious issue and they're talking about your looks?🤔

HmmmmmmInteresting · 17/08/2021 02:40

@MiaMarshmallows

Again, my niece has godchildren, one of whom was 12 and she took her out for the day. She was assumed to be her older sister. Domt assume people are exaggerating on here. Some are but there are rare cases such as my relatives where they really do look that young and I have been there when it happens so not just taking her word for it. Even at the beauty salon last week the lady said to her 'I was going to ask if you have kids but you are too young to have them.' She is 36. Hmm To make people feel better she hates it and it causes her a lot of embarrassment.
Why are you so obsessed with your niece?😂
k1233 · 17/08/2021 05:41

Just this week I had someone I've been working with for over a year think I am early to mid 30s. I laughed, I'm nearing 50. Age was only mentioned in the context of being young for where I am in my career - I had to clarify just how old they thought I was!

I've always been mistaken as younger - my grandfather looked much younger than he was until 2-3 years before he died, then his face aged rapidly.

Egghead68 · 17/08/2021 06:21

My gym instructor is 60 and looks in her 30s. It can happen.

CounsellorTroi · 17/08/2021 07:13

@Positivelyrandom

I’m 50+ and was recently asked my age when buying wine in M&S. The cashier literally said, ‘How old are you?’ which was really rude, I thought! If that’s new policy, M&S, I’m unimpressed. Anyway, ‘Old enough,’ I replied (was shocked at the blunt question, didn’t mean to sound rude.) She allowed my purchase GrinWine.
She was probably on auto pilot and hadn’t taken a proper look at you.
Meruem · 17/08/2021 08:02

Up until I was about 40 I looked about 7 years younger. I didn’t hate it or find it irritating, I bloody loved it! Grin Sadly time caught up with me and in my early 50’s I now look like a woman in my 50s. But I’ve come to embrace it and see it as another life stage.

picklemewalnuts · 17/08/2021 08:21

I think there are a combination of things that contribute- autism and dyspraxia, in some people, can give an uncoordinated slightly physically unstable impression that makes people look younger. Obviously particular features- bigger eyes, that pixie like look. Good skin. Some people move with a bounce in their step, which is very youthful.

Generally when we meet people we aren't actively assessing their age, as we are with the photos on this thread. If OP has several of the above, combined with people making assumptions rather than actually examining her for 'tells', then it may be happening.

@54321nought don't die your hair grey- you'll just look even younger. Grey hair is fairly fashionable. You'll just have to carry an old fashioned handbag, and wear trainers in frumpy colours!

Maireas · 17/08/2021 08:37

Well, @picklemewalnuts
I doubt that an old fashioned handbag and frumpy trainers would age someone 30-40 years. She could give it a go.

ScreamingMeMe · 17/08/2021 08:52

Honestly this reminds of a thread a few months back where people were saying that Tess Daly looked like she was in her 30s.

Nope. Tess looks great, but she doesn't look like she's in her 30s. If people truly believe this then perhaps their perception of people's ages is a bit off.

Imapotato · 17/08/2021 09:08

What is unbelievable is the fact you were in A&E with a seriously ill daughter, yet all the busy medics and staff marvelled at your youthful looks and weren’t taking you seriously because of it, I’m sure they were not that unprofessional. Looking ten years younger is really not unusual, many many people do, and honestly they were probably just saying nice things to make a worried mother feel calmer, it’s all part of their training, bedside manner! it’s a nice easy thing to say to anyone to lighten a stressful time.

@ZaraCarmichaelshighheels

Fine, don’t believe me. I really don’t have anything to prove to you. I work at that hospital and know what people are taught to say in situations (its generally not to comment on people’s appearance btw). But it’s fine if you find it utterly unbelievable 😂.

Most of the time it true to do quite enjoy looking younger, but thought I’d just post this to highlight how at times it can be a pain in the arse. It does amaze me how some
people on here have never met anyone who looks more than a few years younger than their age. I know quite a few people. 🤷‍♀️

Maireas · 17/08/2021 09:21

Some people do look younger, but I don't know why it's "a pain in the arse". If anything, I think this society is ageist and promotes continuing youth. If you found the situation in the hospital uncomfortable ie medical professionals constantly flattering you (telling someone they look young is generally flattering) or behaving inappropriately, you should have complained.

Imnewhere1991 · 17/08/2021 09:44

@Imapotato

What is unbelievable is the fact you were in A&E with a seriously ill daughter, yet all the busy medics and staff marvelled at your youthful looks and weren’t taking you seriously because of it, I’m sure they were not that unprofessional. Looking ten years younger is really not unusual, many many people do, and honestly they were probably just saying nice things to make a worried mother feel calmer, it’s all part of their training, bedside manner! it’s a nice easy thing to say to anyone to lighten a stressful time.

@ZaraCarmichaelshighheels

Fine, don’t believe me. I really don’t have anything to prove to you. I work at that hospital and know what people are taught to say in situations (its generally not to comment on people’s appearance btw). But it’s fine if you find it utterly unbelievable 😂.

Most of the time it true to do quite enjoy looking younger, but thought I’d just post this to highlight how at times it can be a pain in the arse. It does amaze me how some
people on here have never met anyone who looks more than a few years younger than their age. I know quite a few people. 🤷‍♀️

I think YOU want to be seen as younger than you are, so perhaps act that way too. Such as your husband looks like your dad...who would even think that...
Imapotato · 17/08/2021 09:55

@Imnewhere1991

I think YOU want to be seen as younger than you are, so perhaps act that way too.
Such as your husband looks like your dad...who would even think that

Sure, let’s go with that if it makes you feel better.

I’m not sure why some looking around 10 years younger upsets you so much. Lots of people do.

ScreamingMeMe · 17/08/2021 10:01

I’m not sure why some looking around 10 years younger upsets you so much. Lots of people do.

Which many people have acknowledged on this thread. The OP however is talking about looking 20, 30, even 40 years younger. That is patiently absurd.

I'm wondering if the OP is a troll post intended to flush out all the "I look soooo young for my age" humble braggers, tbh.